Mythic Bitch

I would die for that little fucking clown bear please let me die for that little bear

when lorde said “i knew that teenagers sparkled. i knew they knew something children didn’t know, and adults ended up forgetting. since 13 i’ve spent my life building this giant teenage museum, mausoleum maybe, dutifully wolfishly writing every moment down, and repeating it all back like folklore. and now there isn’t any more of it.”

It is 100% ethical and okay to pirate anything Disney makes

god im glad im not you

The Evening Sun, Hanover, Pennsylvania, January 12, 1922

“When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. ‘This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar’ she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. ‘My question to you is this – what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.’ It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women’s contributions?” ― Sandi Toksvig

Women: “Hey, can we hire fewer blatant misogynists to direct and create media? We’d support that.”

Nerdy Male Director: “Well-spoken. Have you considered hiring me, a man who is afraid of women?”

Nerdy Male Director: “She had many masculine traits, like eating 10 hamburgers at once and wrestling Russian mercenaries while never going over 112 pounds. She learned these skills from her many fathers and brothers, never from a male partner or friend, as that may suggest she has some autonomous sexual history. No, men were all too afraid of her, except for me who has mistaken my fem-dom fetish for respect. If I met her in real like I’d hate her for rejecting me without ever speaking to her. Her breasts were D cups.”

Nerdy Male Director: “She was quirky and spontaneous and unfathomable. She was completely disarmed and alluring and so full of sunshine. She wanted to be by my side at all times no matter how much I shrugged her off, pained by my history of real women with adult-minds who wouldn’t put up with my unbearable personality. She was a golden retriever. But a human one, with boobs and legs. I made a dog into a woman and she is my dream girl. I have a degree in literature.” 

Nerdy Male Director: “She was a strong, feminist woman who was the ruler of this matriarchal nation. So strong, and so cold, and so emotionless, because i cannot figure out what sort of emotions or feelings a woman in power would have. I hate her because she is the bitter old screen-writing professor who gave me a D- on my manuscript about a sad 20 year old man finding himself through a series of prostitute encounters. She is violently killed on screen, and it is cathartic for me. Critics will praise how I handle grim realities. Her womb is barren.”

so excited about the prospect of finally having an apartment of my own that i got the shakes in the home goods section of a TJ Max

concerned bystander: ma’am? are you all right? me, on the verge of tears: apardmint…….

i panicked and bought a set of tasteful novelty dish towels 

take a fucking shower or you’ll be sent to the shadow realm

im too much of a baby for tinder i wanna meet people the old fashioned way where we’re both on either side of a fish tank and notice each other thru the water… 

Nobody:

OP trying to find love through a fish tank:

MY PAPAYAS

a crime of passion