i feel like im in the sims where it takes 5 hours to make pasta and then u have to immediately go to bed

I think a tattoo would make me feel better

when Lemony Snicket wrote “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you everyday” that hurt me

have any of yall had a weird last few weeks or is that just me & everyone i know irl? bc theres something in the air i Swear

like ok:

-one of my neighbors was straight up murdered, the cops showed up, the people who manage my building sent out an email about it, and then we just. never heard anything about it again. i tried to check for news online but there’s nothing

-five separate people i know have had real bad mental breaks

-e v e r y o n e i’ve talked to abt it has been having vivid nightmares and/or trouble sleeping

-three separate people i know have been in unrelated car crashes

-one of my friends sisters just. disappeared into the woods for a few days

-a guy came up to me n my friend while we were waiting for someone else outside my building on the street yesterday and very seriously asked me where the haunted mannequin that looks out onto the street from one of our building windows is & wouldn’t accept me telling him I hadn’t seen one. he insisted it had been there since the building was built in the 90s even when i told him our building was only built two years ago

ok apparently there. is a mannequin. also it was apparently put there to replace a watchman that was murdered and listen. im not gonna say this possibly haunted mannequin has been wrecking havoc in my life and also may have murdered my neighbor but im also not NOT saying that

nearly the end of april.. you know what that means 

this is an advanced joke

i love saying fuck me because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly

every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up

exCUSE ME.  DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF A WOMAN WHO’S CONCERNED ABOUT BEING TOO OLD TO BE THE DANCING QUEEN??

Fuck your age, put on your high heeled boots and a pair of overalls and do Meryl Streep proud.

You are the dancing queen.

Hot take: Seventeen is the age at which you get crowned the Dancing Queen.

Being older than that isn’t years away from being the Dancing Queen, it’s how many years your reign has lasted.

yall: go over your answers before turning them in

me a bitch whos never wrong: i think the fuck not

me a bitch whos always wrong: i think the fuck not

executivedysfunction.jpg

this baby rhino has been hanging out with a lamb and picking up on its mannerisms. this is so cute.

see more animal posts?

[video of a baby rhino flicking its ears and tail, and frolicking like a lamb despite being significantly heavier, while its lamb friend frolicks and runs around it] @becauseoftheshame

Omg

Omg that rhino trying to frolic and bound like a creature 1/3 its size. It is so beautiful and innocent. You’re a lamb, you’re a gazelle, you’re a graceful butterfly little rhino.

men moaning is basically the hottest thing a guy can do besides give you neck kisses

lets not forget when they whisper ugh fuck under their breath

or when they write me a check for $100,000

Looking at the weather got me like…..