Untitled

They should put prizes in tampon boxes, be like yeah your period sucks but here’s 50% off of some icecream.

Why is it on a week when I’ve been good on the diet do I feel so bloated?? The times when i stuff myself with pizza I always feel like I’ve dropped a few pounds!

because life sucks. Lesson is: eat more pizza!! Maybe bc of the water?? Also check this post out v relevant: http://obnoxiousguffaw.tumblr.com/post/86226987492/imgonnamakeachange-natashas-guide-to-living 

Yarp hungry + angry = hangry! I've decided that this is why I'm in the mood I am lately.. but seriously, sleep for 4 hours and then wake up feeling half a stone heavier!!

This is apparently coming out in 3 days.

In 3 days, I’m going to start to be a total jogging addict, I think

I’ve been beta testing it and I can confirm it’s actually the greatest app ever. Full iOS release date is as specified, Android release this Spring.

It’s so intense, at one point during the first mission when radio contact was lost, I could hear them trying to contact me “Can you hear us?!” and I literally grabbed the mic and shouted, “I CAN HEAR YOU WHAT DO I DO?” even though that’s not how it works.

I’m just glad nobody was near me.

Alright yall sit your asses down I’m telling you a story I have this app and it is one of my best purchases I’ve ever had. It endorses your running and makes you work. The only downside is that it is fucking terrifying. One time, I was running, and got surrounded by zombies. Groaning and shuffling from all angles. And I have never ran that fast in my entire life. I completed my course(which usually takes 15 mins) in 5. I was also screaming a bit. I got some really weird looks, too. So, morale of the story: This is a fucking scary app and I recommend it 100%.

This is the motivation I need !!

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

The Atlas Moth, Attacus Atlas - The largest moth in the world

My worst nightmare… So pretty though but blerhxncnddjejdnfbddjs

I imagine Ayshea would do this if she ever met him

oreo fudge cheesecake.

NSHSHEHEJDJWKSKKWKFJFJJSS SO MUCH CUTES

The Mir Space Station Taken by Atlantis (STS-71) in July 1995

Musical infographics. 

Very important

THE FLOW CHART THO Just FYI that is a perfectly acceptable valentine.

Fudge Mint Brownies

So, I’ve just made these… Probably not the best thing to do the day before going back to slimming world but they’re soooo yummy !!! 😍

wow i bet they are maybe you should shARE THEM »»:I

Well... I have shared a couple already and the words 'epic' & 'perfection' were used.

Fudge Mint Brownies

So, I've just made these... Probably not the best thing to do the day before going back to slimming world but they're soooo yummy !!! 😍