an important addition

creacher

i feel a normal amount of emotions about this fictional woman i promise

Remember these terms for professions to help encourage gender neutral language!

being jewish in the rural USA is surprisingly fun when you get past all of the things that are not fun. its nice to have a quiet little jewish life in the middle of nowhere in a country too big to ever care about you but fuck it youve got your dog and your car and a lot of roads to choose so you'll be ok.

youre at a gas station at 3am in a town you never knew existed. you're trying to find kosher snacks, but everything has some sort of pork product in it. you leave without getting anything and you can't remember if there was even a cashier. the wind is blowing in a way that makes it seem like G-d is trying to speak to you. you listen for a second, yet you can't make out what He's saying. It's late, and you're tired and cold, and it's time to go home.

youre saying the nighttime shema near an open window. you hear a haunting scream that's just a little too close to you, so you pause your prayers to shut the window and close the blinds. all of G-d's creations are worthwhile, there's just some you're not meant to know so closely.

youre studying torah on a porch swing in front of a field and a forest older than anyone can remember. a herd of deer is nibbling on the foliage, and one of them looks at you with too much understanding in it's eyes. you smile at it and give it a polite nod. its important to respect all creatures, and this one doesnt seem particularly dangerous, just a bit too intelligent for the form it was given.

you've been working all day taking care of the horses. you spend a few minutes relaxing in a patch of buttercups on the tallest hill in the pasture and accidentally fall asleep for an hour or so. you make your way to the nearest water trough and use it to rinse your hands. your favorite horse is there, and he's a little confused about what you're doing with his water but he's happy to get treats and ear scratches.

you're driving home from a new synagogue 4 hours away after evening services. you haven't seen another car in over 100 miles, and the mountains look the same as they did hours ago. you're hit with the most intense feeling of deja vu, and as soon as it subsides you see the lights of a nearby town and breathe a sigh of relief. its amazing that we live in a such a big world but right now you just wanna go home and sleep.

My coworker completely misreads our maintenance guy’s vibes… he sees a big fuzzy bearded dude who works outside and thinks he must be super macho, completely missing all the bisexual tabletop gamer coding in his mannerisms. So when maintenance guy and I greet each other like high camp theatre nerds with a series of bows and flourishes and made-up titles, coworker is SO visibly confused and thinks I must have trained him to do this.

yeah he is my thrall now. I clicker-trained him with football hamburger gun and now he rolls for initiative at my command.

i wish superpowers were real because then you'd get people making posts like "some people need to get real hobbies and stop making identical illusionary clones of themselves that your fist passes through like smoke when you go to punch them :/" and know exactly who the OP was talking about

i also don't wish superpowers were real because i would be so pissed if i replied "mad because you fell for the illusion aren't you" and some guy with teleportation powers grabbed me and teleported me to the middle of the desert for ratioing him on twitter

me: oh man im starving but im not sure what i should make for dinner……

the spirit of a 12th century templar knight that died a horrific death due to torture that started haunting me after i found a sword in the middle of the woods: spaghetti once more, prithee?

me: henry you are brilliant. spaghetti it is

Don’t buy other stuff

This Friday's meme is: the perfect being

Have you seen fossilised crabs. They're hilarious they literally do just

Straight up they are just fully there. Shellfish are really fun like that, i have a shrimp fossil in my collection that's like. Yeah it's just 100% a shrimp, legs and antennae and all. When your skeleton is on the outside, it means your outside fossilises really well.

enough reclaiming slurs, I think in 2023 we should reclaim nascar. they banned the confederate flag on all properties & their stance on lgbtq+ isn’t just performative bc in 2013 they fined a driver 10k for using a homophobic slur, condemned indiana in a statement for an anti lgbt law, and partnered w carolina’s lgbt+ chamber of conference in 2022. nascar was founded by anti-cop moonshiners/bootleggers who drove suped-up fords to out-run the police. #yaaascar

HELP

To this day, my favorite argument I ever had was with my Nascar-loving family about how a thin blue line flag on a Nascar is antithetical to the core tenets of Nascar. There is no organization more rooted in ACAB than Nascar. Literally, the only reason it exists was that a bunch of moonshining families had to build cars that could outrun the cops while on supply runs during the Prohibition Era. The goal was to make the car look like a regular vehicle so they could pick up supplies or drop off illegal alcohol without arousing suspicion. But if the cops were on you all you had to do was put the pedal to the metal and that little truck could outrun them with no problems. And of course, families would be in competition over who made the best alcohol, and whose car was fastest. So, they would have races on the weekends. When prohibition was lifted, the races continued. And that is why we have Nascar. It really frustrates me how people look at American car culture and scoff at it. Formula One racing is more exciting and more dynamic to watch, but the history of it is not as interesting: a bunch of rich assholes who made specialized cars for racing. And to this day, it is still a rich man's sport. Whereas Nascar was about a bunch of so-called hicks in the backwoods who used some basic hand tools and trial and error to make a junker into a racecar.

Immensely powerful thrift shop find, google drive to follow

22,000 ANIMATED GIFS

from ~2001, plus a few text-to-speech thingies i couldnt use on modern hardware, and more

Favorite genre of image ever

I do. God help me I do

i would've fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would've jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i'd be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it

bells. i meant bells

don’t do this to me

Mainline this straight into my veins.