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The world is wrong ...

@tumblonyourface / tumblonyourface.tumblr.com

Sit down and tumblr.
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I woke up at 4:30 in a empty bed. Cold because he uncovered me as he was still frustrated from yesterday. Searching in the dark to switch the lights on, I remember what day it was. The day. The day I lost my mom and mostly everything else. I was alone in the dark even tho I’m scared of it. I decided to stay like that. In that dark. Cold as the air entered the room. That feeling. That sensation of loneliness is what I can use to describe the most, what anxiety is. A deep sense of cold burning out your bones. Of dark, darkened out your heart. And loneliness ....Leeding you to variations of emotions and thoughts that your little self would have never think of before. 

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"Oh my stomach hurt." I heard that sentance 10 times yesterday. Turns out that I was on first day of period and we know how bad this day is. Really. So I said "Me too." And I heard him say "Yeah but we are talking about me right now." ...You know when you are in your first day of period and you just imagine yourself péter la gueule to everybody around you? Yeah. I said and did nothing back. But a loooot of imagination can do good.
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2am. Phone is ringing in a patient's room. I answer. Nothing but someone breathing loudly. I kinda hate the night shift by now.

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reblogged
The day they will turn to ashes ..
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"Am I crazy or I just saw a man with no arms and a long dark open jaw walking in my room just before you came in?" Said the old man at 1h30 in the morning. I'm shitting my pants.

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ilmaimait-deactivated20190601

Are You Dissociating?

Dissociating is one of the most common responses to abuse and trauma. It involves feeling numb, detached or unreal and (while it happens to everyone once in a while) is experienced more frequently and severely in survivors. Dissociating people vary widely in symptoms and may experience any or all of the things from the following list.

You may be dissociating if you:

  • find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything
  • feel completely numb
  • feel like you’re not really in your body, like you’re watching yourself in a movie.
  • feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy
  • lose the plot of the show or conversation you were focused on
  • feel as if you’re not quite real, like you’re in a dream
  • feel like you’re floating 
  • suddenly feel like you’re not a part of the world around you
  • feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you
  • are very startled when someone/something gets your attention
  • completely forget what you were thinking just a moment ago
  • suddenly cover your face or react as if you’re about to be hurt for no reason
  • can’t remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live
  • find yourself rocking back and forth
  • become very focused on a small or trivial object or event
  • find that voices, sounds or writing seem far away and you sometimes have trouble understanding them.
  • feel as if you’ve just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can’t remember anything about it.
  • perceive your body as foreign or not belonging to you

(likes and reblogs always taken as support)

To my anon asking about dissociation. I hope you see this.

I thought dissociation was only when I have straight up out of body experiences turns out I’m dissociated like 99% of the time lmso

omg this is so helpful and explains a lot yikes

#all of them#really#dissociation
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I can only blame myself on the fact I'm a fucking mess. It's me that actually can't get out of this relationship. But I can't. I'm just too afraid of being alone again. Alone with myself. It's painful thinking about all the people and things I gave up for this because of that kind of mind control I was/are. I gave up friends. Friend that I truly miss everyday of my life now. I said things/ did things that I don't even remember because I was just too fucked up in my mind to process. I've been told to drop everything I had. My stuffs. If I end this relationship, I'll have to start all over again. Buy new stuffs because I droped everything in the trash. All I have now is my clothes and my books but thats about it. Friends that I still have, have there own life to deal with it. I can't talk about it to them but now I'm afraid. I need someone to talk. I'm about to break. I need to talk. I. Need. To. Talk.

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