What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “aye, matey!”

Gene and Sbarro

me, strutting into therapy, sunglasses firmly on my face, my hat backwards, im munching popcorn, it’s 8pm on a tuesday: my guy!! what is new scooby doo?? personally, I’m back on my bullshit-

my therapist: cant get back on something you never left but go on

me when the demon in my room tries to scare me in the middle of the night

hmmm

Tfw you go to show your friend a video but it’s not as funny as you remember

when u have a 2am mental breakdown but u wake up fine the next day

u ever talk to those men that make u feel like u involuntarily logged into 4chan

that moment during a concert when u realize that the musicians are actually real and you’re like wtf

shit idea

flat stairs

explain

stairs but theyre flat. you put the stairs on a flat surface and they dont go up or anything they just go forward

floor

INCORRECT it is an actual set of stairs only instead of building them so they ascend they just built the Stairs as Flat

thats a floor

youre a closedminded fool

flat stairs example

SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS PERSON GETS IT

i think drinking a fuckton of water out of your hands from the sink is in the same class of primal urges as running up stairs on all fours

I luv him…..

IS THAT A SHARK?

if you watch any video today it needs to be this one

I LOVE THIS NEWSCAST AND IM NOT EVEN FROM AUSTRALIA.

#like that little cage is gonna help ya

My favourite thing is when Australians are talking about their deadly wildlife

DYING RN

how does ABBA have so many bangers

ABBA stands for ‘Absolute Bangers Brought Always’

reblog if you want lesbian farmers to invade the rural south

I’d love nothing more

Make. Farming. Gay. Again.

counterpoint: have you ever met a bird willing to let anything go ever?