I got a job!!!

Now would you imagine that. After 3 years of being in atlanta and i finally have my first big girl jobbbbb. Im working for a realty firm which is exciting because its something completely ouf my comfort zone but im eage to start something new. I ll be working in a fancy ass office in midtown next to piedmont park. UGH a working girl OKAY. ill have a salary and fucking health care. look at god. 

i spoke to my parents and they nearly brought me to tear when they said they never made that much money before, which is baffiing but im so happy to be in a position where i came help when they need it. I obvi cant give a huge amount but its more than nothing! the world really does have a funny way of working out.  

Maybe a new job

so I had an interview this week and it was great! It's only a nanny position but I'm very grateful to be making money lmao. I'm actively still applying to other "real jobs" but this job has always afforded me min wage and some. I'm excited to be in a job that would be something I'm more comfortable with and quitting my other job was honestly the best decision I made, despite if I get this job or not. I'm just happy to know that I'm valuable in a sense.

It's been so hard to break into the industry even with a BA. it's been hard to just find an admin asst job which would be easy for me, honestly. I can do so many things and far more things past admin asst. I hate how America has tried to treat those how have earned their BA and not given the opportunity to thrive. I'm willing to take advantage of what is given to me but ... I'm working hard to push through what I have to get gain what i deserve

Well

so since i havent worked in a while and ive been trying to find anew job but mostly have just been chilling. I really needed the break after such a full summer with two families and 3 kids through out the week. Im glad i took the time off but i miss the money lmao pauls parents are also like .. get a job bitch, cant be unemployed forever. They gave good advice though "you are going to have to fly the plane while youre building it." which is very fucking true. lmao nannying is a good job, i get paid good wages, and im fucking good at it.

I applied to one jb a couple days ago and am already have interviews! which is nice to my self esteem lmao im still going to be applying to other jobs but am happy that i can atleast have some money in my pocket. also the good thing is that dont have to use the car! so that can uncomplicate things with paul.

we'll see how it goes.

Finally back together

my friend group is finally back together. after two weeks of awkwardness and we finally got our shit together lmao we be at each other throats but im happy that we can come together and just hash it out. ugh its nice just to be back together again.

Jobless

ugh so i only work like two times a week and its been a struggle to find another job. im feeling pressure from all sides and its somewhat daunting lmao i hope i can find one. i dont doubt my skills but i doubt the job market. theres alot of jobs out there but im always getting rejected or the interview just doesnt fall through. maybe its me. maybe im too hard on myself. maybe i overthink it and self sabotage

i pray i can find something soon  

Miami in the making

ugh i just love my friends man. we have a new friend who wants to go to Miami for his birthday and ofc all my friends want to come. its just so nice to see people just book a ticket and be ready to go. it went from 7 to 12 people and im just so excited to be around those who love us and just want to be around each other. i wanna be on a boat but that that may be a bit much but im excited just to have to opportunity. 

im planning the entire thing and keeping things moving along which is nice, i feel like i could be a party planner in the future bc its just so nice to see and look whats out there and give people the best experience. i really wanna do weddings but once covid calms down, ill get there but birthdays and small gathering are deff my thing   

25th Birthday

I turned 25 over the weekend and i had the most wonderful time! I planned a small cocktail party and my friends blew that completely out the water. I order simple decorations and out of the blue, a few friends surprised me and drove down 8 hours to celebrate meee. ugh i have the best friends a girl could ask for. We all got dressed up and took a billion photos, made a few cocktails, and had danced the night away. I fel somewhat guily celebrating with my friend gone but I know he wouldnt want me to be sad forever. 

I was given gifts, balloons, flowers, and filled with so much love. I cant believe it honestly. I give so much of myself to everyone that it was overwhelming to be poured into like that. Im very grateful for everyone in my life and everything they’ve done for me. I cant believe this is my life.

Quarter Century

whew, im 25 today. its kinda surreal lol anthony passed away on his birthday last month so this birthday feels.... somewhat needed to celebrate

I cant believe he gone honestly. i dont think i ever wrote about it. Anthony was one of my very best friends and this man just dropped off and died on us. it doesnt help any knowing we talked to him a few moments before Im glad that he knew how much we loved him and such a great friend he was. ugh imma miss that nigga. he was the A to our ATP and smartest person I knew.

they say grief isnt linear but im glad today isnt filled with sadness, just soberness. I feel weird celebrating but i am determined to find spots of joy during this time of grief. I planned a cocktail party for this saturday before and am actually going thru with it. Sydeny and Treston are coming to visit me which is so needed and we're all getting dolled up because why not? lmao

anyways, turning 25 is a crazy thought because i still feel 21 but im very grateful to make it to this mile stone and excited to see what the rest of my life has in store.

Happy birthday to me!

Today is better

i have been speaking to my friends the past few days and things have gotten so much better. we've been reminecing about anthony and all our shenanigans we've had. after all this for two days straight i feel so much better. i feel happy, i feel love, and i feel good. I love my friends so damn much and im so lucky to have them to myself

WOw. Hes really gone

My sweet anthony. why did you leave us so soon. why did did the world crush you like this. I cant believe it. I cant wrap my head around the pain you were feeling, the intense pressure you were feeling. Im sorry we couldnt be enough for you. Im going to miss you more than anything on this earth and i cant even imagine what life will be without you. You picked me up (literally) from the ground and wrapped my bloody ass up and made sure i was okay. youve thrown me thru windows to make sure i got everything i wanted. You were our family and i just wish i could see you one more time, speak to you one more time, hug you one more. The world is so much dimmmer without you. Rest in power king

Reading today

so i finally decided to pick up the many books ive collected and i must say i have impeccable taste! Afrofuturism is by far the coolest book ive picked up as it pushes you to think forward and dive inward about race as a man made construct which i found very intriguing. I mainly started reading today bc i have to retake a test that i intailly “failed” but feel better about it now that ive read same answers and know what they are looking for. They say if you want to write better, read more. I also was reading Begin Again by Eddie Glaude. I met him and read his works in undergrad which was fun and his book is thoughtful and a nice rendering of how our worldly strive for a mulicultural just system is still a theoretical and almost symbolic as we grapple with the tiny victories we have gained. 

these works gave me much inspiration and reminded me why i always loved writing and how it takes you places you never imagined. 

it was a nice late afternoon, this is nice 

Grad school round 2

im applying to grad school one again in this panoramic

last year i didnt get in and was pretty bummed but realized it was the best thing for me bc lord knows i wouldve been miserable. i didnt really like public health or know much about it but was desperate to feel like i was doing something right. now i know that pure desperation is not the move and just to fucking relax. i know my life will come together full circle one day and just need to stop being so damn hard on myself.

funny enough, my friend suggested an anxiety test to take for shits and giggles and tht shit read me to FILTH. Strong with my emotions but but am a control freak >__<. well shit color me shocked.

either way, ive decided to pursue School psychology bc im good with children and really love psychology. i want to helo black kids get ahead in life and feel like their odds are greatly diminished in elementary annnnnnd its cant go on like this. i wanna help children when they are the most impressionable even if they dont remember my name in the long run. success is the goal. i am excited to start this journey and this school better fucking accept me bc so help me god im giving up and never applying again  

oh boi

so here i am again, going thru another cycle of grad apps and i cant help but seem apprehensive about it but ya know, thats life. rejection is such a hard thing but there can only be progress if you put yourself out there. I often wonder what my life is gonna turn out to be like any 24 y/o would and i cant seem to see it. People always say where do u see yourself and i kinda dont see myself anywhere. i dont know if thats the imposter syndrome talking or what but its hard for me to imagine myself somewhere even tho i know my passions. its just so hard to get in there, its been 2 years since ive been out of school and i just feel like a failure. i know im not and im doing well than most good lord i just wanna do something more, to be more

Another app but better!

I applied for a fellowship and ive never been so excited about about a position. I feel it really aligns with my genuine beliefs and practices to bring prosperity to Black people! ugh i really hope I get it because God knows I need something to go right in my life.

Thankfully, I had the help of my friend who basically walked me through the application process and honestly really turned my entire professional works something that could actually be presentable. Looking back, my resume was complete shit and I can see why I didn’t get hired lmfaoooo but im so happy that she came thru and helped a real bitch out.

now al i do is wait because i know damn well im about to get an interview

ugh wow its gonna be on zoom, oh well. itll be nice not having to find a parking spot tho lmao

Where do I go? *jorja smith vc*

ok so im reapplying for graduate school and this shit is getting alittle annoying. i mean, im findind myself annoying because i cant fucking find what exactly what i wanna do.

things i wanna do:

help people, maninly black people

work in the psychology industry but not be stagnant in the focus

work with nonprofits

make enoguh money im comfortable

how to merge advocacy with research

not be bored.

Idk what it is. i really wanted to create a space where hip hop can be taught at an academic level but how in fuck do i do that? like would i be a historiain, or would i have a different focus and go from there. im thinking through fellowships, i may become more appealing to grad school because my grades are crap, but my heart is in it. I just need 1 chance

what can i be?