one puck at a time.

i haven't been on here in a long time so here's a picture of my face just to say hi

i'm at the point of denial in my life where i just had a thought about the future and literally said out loud "no... shhh, stop"

i'm sitting on my bed in my parents house thinking about how i could have totally not come back here tonight and no one would have noticed and i'm thinking about how i could not go back to my house in rochester and no one there would notice either and about how i could have just driven off the bridge on my way home and no one would fucking notice anyway it's the worst feeling in the world to know that no one cares. knowing that the one person who is supposed to be on my side can look me in the eye and blame me for all of his unhappiness... i never wanted this. i never wanted to drag something out until it made us hate each other. i never wanted to leave my family and have them forget about me until i come home to sleep in a house that feels empty. i never wanted to hate myself this much, but it all happened without my control.

it's almost comical how the only person who doesn't think i deserve better is the person who i go home to every night. i hope he knows what he had once he loses it.

i don't think i want to die, but i don't really want to be alive right now

don't message me in russian at 5 am then proceed to tell me that my russian is too informal bruh you are an 18 year old junior hockey player on the west coast trying to teach me how to speak learn english