before anyone jumps in with an “op has clearly never worked in the service industry,” i work in a public facing library job
i have a patron who is mean as a snake. won’t respond when you greet her, barks orders at you, and is generally nasty
i couldn’t stand her & dreaded the moment she walked in the door, until i stopped one day & went “wow, to walk around feeling unhappy enough to treat people so horribly every day. what a difficult way to live.”
and so my tactics changed. i made a point to be extra kind & friendly to her. she changed her hair color one day & when i complimented her on it, she was very caught off guard & said “oh, thank you. my whole life i’ve thought i was ugly.”
now we’re at the point where she shows me pictures of watercolor paintings she made & says hi when she walks in the door. she’s not my favorite patron, but she’s perfectly okay. most unpleasant people aren’t inherently rotten, they’re just unhappy & coping with it poorly
assume people are always doing their best, even if their best happens to fall a bit short. assume good intentions