when ur drunk any bathroom is a save point

if you’re meant to be with someone, it will work out. whether it’s next month or in five years, what’s meant to be will always be

Oh my fucking god

what did frosty the snowman do other than come to life, do a little dance, then die

isn’t that all anyone ever does, really

But the worst the absolute worst feeling is after everything and you finally think you can move on and you start talking to a new person is when all you can do is feel sick and your stomach hurts and all you can fucking think is “no no no this isn’t right it’s supposed to be you”

I’m so fucking tired of not being a multimillionaire

Wish I was born with super powers instead of bad eyesight and big titties.

here’s a concept: me, riding your ceiling fan like a gargoyle. you, smacking me with a broom. both of us are yelling

Im drunk in a uber and just gazed upon two dudes in a dunkin donuts having an arm wrestling match

This is how they decide the mayor of Boston

*quietly, from under 6 blankets* what the fuck

what, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck

kinda cool to think how someone somewhere is having the best day of their life today. someone’s hearing “i love you” for the first time today. someone’s gonna meet the love of their life today. someone’s gonna get the job of their dreams today. it’s someone’s best day today. and guess what binch? tomorrow it could be ur best day so keep going

sex is intimate and sacred. your body is a temple, and you shouldn’t share it with anyone who believes pitbulls are a naturally aggressive or dangerous breed.