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Belle Encore Toxiques

@dollfacebby92 / dollfacebby92.tumblr.com

It must hurt to know i am your most beautiful regret var sc_project=10340270; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="0a1b7529";
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I can’t get the last 24 hours out of my head. Your kisses, your touch, your voice calling me “baby”

How am I supposed to ignore the way you make me feel.

We never have the right words but the moment it was just you and I our bodies did all the talking.

I yearn for your presence

Yet I have to accept we could never be.

What I would do to have another day with you. To laugh, to learn new things from you, to lay in bed with you, to have you call me “baby” again and again, and to just forget the world for a moment.

What I would do for it to always be you and me in this lifetime.

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I don’t remember the last time I felt my life wasn’t worth living.

How could one person make me feel like I was the only person in their world to feeling like I’m scum on the bottom of their shoe.

I gave all my love and it wasn’t enough. Nothing I did was enough. So how could I want this person so much if I myself was not enough for them.

Why does this pain haunt me and follow me around everywhere I go.

Nothing would feel better than to just feel nothing.. to never wake up..
But then there’s my daughter and as much as I want to be there for her I feel like I’m only hurting her.

I fucking loved you and it feels like I always will. I hate that I love you this much and you don’t give a fuck about me.
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I just want to stop feeling all these emotions and feeling nothing at all. I am going fucking crazy.
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It’s been awhile since I’ve used this. I think it’s time to get back to writing and using this as an outlet.
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I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

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That burning what if question
Will never be answered…
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