A Cleverly Disguised Octopus

RHDHHAHAHASHSHSSHSHHSS IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM

I present @sepiabandensis - Kraiva's wonderful fic I had the joy to do some art for! Truly a wonderful and sweet person to get to know a little better, couldn't have asked for a lovelier partner for this project ❤️

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54793837

“Archival duty?” Arthur Lester shook, his teeth gritting as he fought not to jump out of his chair.

“Archival duty?” John Doe echoed, and Arthur could have fucking punched him.

broken ass marriage

The eldritch plant groaned and snapped with force, its stalk soon growing too thick for Arthur to wrap his arms around if he tried; the bud at the end twisted, and drooped, and hung low to the ground. And when it bloomed—

“Daddy?”

This wasn’t just music. John was swept up in it as surely as if Arthur had taken his hand, losing himself momentarily in the crowd that writhed amongst each other in dance and song. Arthur caressed the keys like a lover, long fingers splayed wide as he sang nonsense words to go with his improvised song; too soon it was over, Arthur running his fingers along the keys with a playfulness that only came with years of practice. The crowd cheered, and Arthur smiled, broad, as he began a new song.

“What does he usually drink?” John swirled the brandy in his glass.

“Are you going to get a new kurta for the festival?”

Arthur paused. “Festival?”

She scoffed. “Blood and bone, Arthur, you’ve lived in this town for almost three years. I know you’re blind, but you’re not an idiot. The Riverlight festival? The one we have every year, at the end of summer? The one that honors Oukranos, who I will remind you, just kept most of the lower quarter from being swept into the river?”

“I mess up too, sometimes,” the girl said, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Like once daddy bought a pitcher of milk, and I wanted some but it was really heavy and I spilled it all over. And I got really scared because daddy had to save for it and I thought he’d be mad, but then daddy told me that when we mess up the first thing you should do is say you’re sorry. And then you can figure out how to fix it, and even if the mess is really big you can ask for help, and that makes it easier.”

John stared at her.

Undercut you can find a nsfw piece that'll be also going to the fanfic so! Beware

When I am emperor, I will make everyone who refers to women’s leg hair removal as “basic hygiene” fight to the death in my coliseum.

finally it will be understood that I am doing it not for hygiene but for slut reasons

sluts are welcome in my empire, be they hairy or smooth

Confused, but cautiously willing to welcome these slippery people into my empire so long as I can put down some plastic drop clothes over the couches before they sit down, and provided they do not become evangelical or moralizing about their thigh slime. (Why stop at thighs? Why not emulate the valiant eel and opt for a full mucusoid coat?)

This probably refers to people whose thighs touch and chafe when they’re wearing shorts or skirts

Aww, and here I was planning an imperial holiday called Slime Fest, with mandatory public slimings.

Very well, anti-chafing measures are permissible. I want my subjects to be comfortable (when they are not fighting to the death obviously).

your highness can we still have slime fest?

*imperial majesty thx

Imperial majesty, can we still have the slime fest?

hmmmmmm

no I’m too sad that the eel people don’t exist and I shall declare an Imperial Day of Sulking instead

all are welcome

The imperial Majesty Sulking

for three hours each day we will open the doors of the palace to the public so that my subjects may view their emperor sulking about the eel people from the royal observation chamber

there will be hors d'oeuvre

oh good, i love when whores devoure!

may they of the many appetites enjoy comfortable largesse and yet not be chaffed of thigh

(for this day of eel-folkless despair, i offer our imperial majesty a cloak sewn of reclaimed denim cutt-offs, so thou may sulk thee good and hard through thy jorts)

duuude you have GOT to get online everybody is just fucking hitting each other

do you boop your paw at us, sir?

i do boop my paw, sir

do you boop your paw at us, sir?

is the law of our side if i say aye?

no.

no, sir, i do not boop my paw at you sir; but i boop my paw, sir

me when i fuckging get you

Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops

it's alive! sort of!

Me: ah yeah im going to draw malevolent fanart and it'll be epic and pretty and angsty- -draws this instead- I just can't help but think what a headache the plot must be from the King's POV.

Some Disney comics I made for a mini zine years back but didn’t post all of them online anywheres! Here you go.

how long do you think it took for John to forget the poems?

Mythbusters have 3 categories of myths