what's cookin' good lookin'

Manifesting that my future spouse claps these cheeks like he’s Christian Grey but with emotional stability and genuine intimacy 🧘🏻‍♀️

i really hate washing a big pot in a small sink the way you can’t move or turn it without it clanging in some place just irritates me so much one of life’s small displeasures 

papa thot-ius iii & cardinal thot-ia during the pre-monstrance clock (monstrous c*ck) monologue. (ꈍ⌓ꈍ✿)

(src: x x x x x x)

has this been done yet

I am a big simp

The pun…. just.. how?

Ngh.

i’m a clove of garlic and God is crushing me under a knife so i add flavour to the soup

Magic trick! Push this boy up against a wall and watch his ability to form a rational thought disappear before your very eyes

Possums are great because depending on how you look at them, they’re either horrible things, or just soft fluffy dudes with love instead of brain cells (table below)

you’re absolutely right op

The opposite of Phineas Flynn

Here’s a true story about studying for finals.

The culprit:

this was supposed to be funnier than it actually came out 

youve done it! youve boiled being in your early twenties down to its bare essentials!