Cards Against Humanity is hiring new writers and folks…………….. I’ve waited my entire life for this

Can’t risk it

The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.

if i was a pirate captain i would get a movie projector and play a movie on the big sails every friday night for my boys to kick back and enjoy some time off unless we were under attack

Pirates legit did the 16-17th century equivalent of this. When things were slow, they would put on plays, act out dramas of stories they knew, or freestyle. The most preferred model of original productions was courtroom drama: “trying” each other for piracy. The “accused” would list off their many, dramatically and humorously embellished crimes, and be equally dramatically sentenced. Sometimes there was a daring escape, sometimes just a really maudlin death scene, but a good time was had by all.

As we all suspected, pirates are theater nerds.

Half of being a pirate was theater. Blackbeard supposedly lit smokey things on fire in his beard so his head would look demonic and people would freak out and give him their stuff

Please rise for the national anthem.

I rose, I sung along, and I sung loud

Relog if you need this energy

source

Just one of these checks could change my life ,

I think we can all use this energy

a blonde guy with a magic hammer goes after his colleague, a big dude with giant fists and an anger management problem, teams up with a fierce female fighter with a tragic past, all while trying to navigate a strange, colorful world forever locked in a sensationalized competition and run by an old man with a flamboyant demeanor. along the way, he runs into a disgraced royal heir with a penchant for green and mischief

is the movie thor: ragnarok or wreck-it ralph

So this gave me chronic whiplash, enjoy.

where’s that video of the naked crackhead literally running the speed of a moving car and I use the term literally literally he was deadass keeping up with the car

Hi! Humans don’t have an eye shine, so that’s not a person!

Reblog this within 10 seconds and unexpected extra money will cum to you this week

I don’t care how the money gets here tbh

im subscribed, are you?

Physics: More pencil tricks

Source

i.e. why when you or someone else gets stabbed or impaled, you should leave the object in the wound until medical help arrives.

THIS. RIGHT HERE. This is an amazing example!!

If you take the thing out, they’re going to bleed a lot more.

SO. DONT.

News Flash from the Medical Help ™ — we don’t touch it either! Unless the object they’re impaled with is literally too big to fit in the ambulance, We. Don’t. Touch. The. Thing.

The only people qualified to Take-The-Thing-Out are surgeons. End of story.

Okay, but for the love of God, please, PLEASE, if you did, if you panicked and took the thing out…. DON’T…. PUT IT BACK IN.

Or else, congratulations, you just stabbed them AGAIN. I reeeeeally shouldn’t have to say this guys, but I do.

Name a conspiracy theory superior in raw power to “there are no actual forests on Earth"

imma need some context on that cause WHAT?

“forests” = minuscule form of what trees on Earth can be, basically saplings “mesas” = not landforms, but petrified ancient tree trunks IIRC the theory goes that all forests on Earth were destroyed ages ago and it takes them ridiculous times to regrow, with those giant mammoth redwood trees just being the oldest ones that have grown the most

evidence 1:

Who/what cut down the trees to make them mesas, for what purpose, and with what tools?

I’ve actually looked a little deeper into this, and the short answer is that humans cut them down with future tech. This theory is a sub-theory of flat earth, as it makes use of a lot of the same basic assumptions about the world, most importantly that our entire worldview is a construct created by the elite that controls our world from the shadows. By keeping knowledge from us, they can treat us like sheep without expecting resistance. Part of this theory is that we had advanced machines and supercomputers way back, even in the ancient times, and that all history older than about 100 years is a lie crafted by this elite in the wake of a nuclear war in the 1800s.

What would we use all that wood for, and where did it go?

Rock is wood. Or rather, wood becomes rock as it grows and the trees reach massive heights. They essentially mined the trees for useful minerals and metals, and for the construction of whatever secret structres they use to control us.

Steal dnd settings from conspiracy theorists every day bc this shit is too good

Guys, look. They finally made a baby stroller for wheelchair-bound mothers. This is so important.

My wife is a physical therapist.  She started tearing up when I showed this to her.

I love seeing ableist norms broken.

choose your fighter dancer

why would they ever delete this scene

When you die, you appear in a cinema with a number of other people who look like you. You find out that they are your previous reincarnations, and soon you all begin watching your next life on the big screen.

too much

My previous incarnations throwing popcorn at the screen and booing: this bitch is fucking stupid!!!