Husbands-

-to the fucking thousandth power

In the spn mythos I read ‘soulmate’ less as a person who is made for you and less (despite this being my philosophy about the real world) being a person you choose

In the fucked-up spn canon with its lack of easy answers and constant low-key horror implications in all its worldbuilding, I read soulmates as a single soul literally ripped in two

SamandDean are one entity, one shared heaven, one soul

That soul, for whatever reason, was ripped apart and placed into two bodies

And it wasn’t equal and symmetric down the middle like left and right or top and bottom. Souls aren’t quite so geometric

It’s like this:

Sam’s insides were ripped out

He is catnip for possession, for violations of his autonomy, not his fault at all but it keeps happening to him because he is the prom dress (the armor), because he, his soul, is designed to be worn. He struggles from early childhood onward with an interior feeling he can’t describe, of being unclean, of craving normalcy or security or what others have, and he tries to find it, runs to Flagstaff and Stanford, fills himself with power and demon blood and coping mechanisms to maintain control. He works so hard to maintain an internal sense of stability to combat that aching loneliness and emptiness he can’t articulate.

And it all makes sense in the context of his life and what he suffers, but all of it comes back to Dean as his home, as what assuages that sense of gnawing emptiness, what stops him from spiralling out, what sometimes undermines his autonomy – because Dean’s permission for what may fill Sam is absolute, and he will either exorcise or permit it as he pleases because that interior belongs to Dean, to the spot meant to be occupied by his half of their soul.

(Fucked up I know, but SPN is like that, so bear with me)

Dean’s outsides were ripped off

He bleeds out at the edges. He plays peacekeeper because he lacks a boundary between self and other, struggles to maintain any sense of distance. He is the weapon, the sword, Daddy’s blunt little instrument, because he exists in a state of being unsheathed, edges sharp and ready to be picked up and used because there’s no casing on him to stop others from wielding him as such. He looks to his father, to authority figures he respects, to others for guidance because he bleeds out and needs others to shore up his walls. He is overly invested easily and intensely, tells Cassie the secrets of his family after knowing her for weeks, because he in the absence of the other half his soul to anchor his outsides and hold his guts in place, he looks to others to control and direct him.

Because all of this also does come back to Sam, who is the stable exterior Dean needs in order to stop himself from flowing out like bleeding wound that can’t be cauterized. Which means he will follow Sam anywhere, can hardly bear to be without him, will go where he asks, becomes jealous of those around him and desperate when his sights are turned elsewhere.

Sam and Dean are soulmates but it hurts

Because it’s not romantic except in the horror sense. It’s brutal and bloody and it fucks both of them up, makes them vulnerable to others and to each other. And maybe that’s why Chuck did it, why the angels did it, why fate did it. Whatever rules these sorts of things in the mythos. Maybe it was because they needed a sword and a set of armor and they thought this would suffice. Maybe it was because they thought it would make them easier to control and more vulnerable to the right kinds of persuasion, to their archangel counterparts. Maybe it was always destined to be like this and no one chose at all for it to happen.

But because they choose each other, they overcome it. They overcome the agony it causes, the pain of separation, of being wielded by someone else, worn by someone else, of existing in imperfect proximity to one another with only stilted, imperfect language to articulate what they need from each other, how they feel and how deep that need runs, how hungry and ceaselessly the gnawing stomache aches, how raw and violently the shredded edges burn.

They figure it out despite all that. How to sacrifice for each other in ways that play to their advantage, by being wielded and being worn and doing it in service of each other. They use it and figure out how to save each other, even in ways that horrify and corrupt but keep them side by side. How to survive their own existential separation and yet fill the aching hunger inside, stopper the open wounds outside.

That’s the difference between soulmates as what happens to them versus soulmates as what they choose for themselves, time and again. What damns them and what saves them.

(and if any of this is up your alley it is the running thesis in most of my fic, fluff and angst alike, both posted and WIPs I’m still finishing to post, because I literally keep coming back to and circling this notion more and more intently as I figure out how to give voice to it and how absolutely batshit it is and how unhinged it makes them. I am in a constant state of chewing glass.)

My artwork for Their Bruises On The Inside written by Runedgirl on LJ (story summary)

Yesterday, today and tomorrow, forged in the flames of our joy and sorrow

➤ Foreshadowing at its absolute best

//HIPSTER WINCEST//

I was ready to be sad. But this is the most heat-felt encapsulation of the show I’ve seen in a good long while. Do yourself a huge favor and watch it. It’s brilliant. Truly. I’m verklempt.

In a moment’s touch To the whole of time

Jared and Jensen in EW’s Celebrating Supernatural’s humanity in its time of dying

I’m not leaving you. I’m gonna be right here, every day. Every day you’re out there living, and you’re fighting, ‘cause you always keep fighting. You hear me? I’ll be there. Every step. I love you so much… My baby brother.

A ray of sunshine!

the love these men feel for each other is palpable. it makes my heart stop every time I look at it. I’m so glad they have each other and get to experience this once in a lifetime connection.

please add your favorite j2 love moment 🥺

my favorite sam and dean moments | part 1 | 9x23 // 6x12 // 14x12

Marry your best friend

I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with.

 Someone who speaks highly of you. 

Someone you can laugh with. 

The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. 

The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs.

 Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. 

Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too.

 Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times.

Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.

(x)

gif credits: @wellcometothedarkside - @out-in-the-open - @nothingidputbeforeyou <3

The champagne soaking is meant to be a celebration of 15 years, of making television history. Supernatural, the story of two brothers destined to save the world, is the longest-running genre show in the history of American broadcast television. (So old, the first three seasons shot on this thing called film.) What started as an underdog story, living its first few years on the verge of cancellation, has become an institution, a milestone to which other shows aspire. Supernatural not only survived the move from The WB to The CW after its first season — it’s now the final WB show left standing — but became the backbone of the now highly successful CW network. Over the years, the sci-fi series has aired on every weeknight, helping to launch shows including Arrow and The Vampire Diaries. The network moved it one final time, most recently, to Mondays, to help Roswell, New Mexico expand its audience. “Supernatural is a major link to many of the shows that we have successfully built to market,” The CW’s chairman and CEO Mark Pedowitz says. “Almost every one of our shows has had it as a lead-out or a lead-in.”

JENSEN ACKLES & JARED PADALECKI FOR ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY (MAY 2020)