‘Multiplicity’

I’m so happy that finally the PDF of the piece that I wrote featuring @multiplicityandme is finally up online and can be accessed here:

https://www.wickedyoungwriterawards.com/2018-finalists

If you scroll down to the bottom, on the right hand side there is a link to the book, and I am on p216. 

Everything I wrote is information that I have gained from various systems that I’ve interacted with or watched videos of online, as well as one system that I knew in real life and attended a talk of at my university nearly four years ago now. I’ve tried my best to be as accurate as I can whilst still making it easy to understand for those who may have never come across DID before, as well as trying to condense something as complex as DID into 750 words! I’m also aware that there are a lot of different theories around how DID is formed; the way I explained it is the way that the system I actually knew described it to me, though the idea of the mirror is my own as I thought it would help make it easier to visualise. DID is a complex disorder and my aim here was simply to try to condense it into 750 words but still make it seem like something that people may want to continue to learn about themselves, make it seem like something that isn’t scary as portrayed by Hollywood, and to call out those who shame and hate.

I’m also aware that the ages of some of the boys in Jess’ system has changed since I wrote this back in October last year!

I’ve been humbled by the number of systems who have followed me since I posted about this piece. I really hope that with this piece, I’ve done something that will actually help, and that you all think the piece does your disorder justice. My only regret with it is that I didn’t have more words to play around with!

@multiplicityandme , @multiplicityandwe , and  @dissociadid , feel free to share this around if you would like to. I give you (and any other systems of course!) full permission to share this link around :)

Wicked Young Writer Awards 2018

I’m the one in the middle! ^^

Yesterday was such an incredibly awesome day! I arrived to find out that I was sitting next to the only two people that I had talked to about these awards on Twitter, so we instantly bonded. We went to writer’s workshop where we were given the task of writing a poem with words that only had one syllable, and even when we were supposed to be going to our seat, we stuck around with the workshop leader to finish it because she was so enthusiastic and inspiring! The actual ceremony was absolutely amazing and the atmosphere was incredible. I may not have won in my category but I am so pleased with what I achieved. My piece on Dissociative Identity Disorder featuring @multiplicityandme is now a published piece of writing in an actual book! (I’ll post a link to the PDF of the book as soon as I get my hands on it!). I REALLY hope that people will read this piece and, from reading it, become inspired to learn more about this incredibly stigmatised disorder. Nobody deserves to be made to feel like their experiences are invalid, just because other people don’t understand something, or because people fail to understand that this disorder is so different person to person but that that does not mean that other people are invalid or faking (Kit from @theentropywe did a wonderful quick livestream about this!). I may not have DID myself, but I really hope that by doing this, I’ll make at least a bit of a difference to those of you who do. Just think, there were 150 finalists in total, and each of those have three copies of a book that contains a positive piece about this disorder. If only ONE of those people learn something from it, then I’m a happy girl.

‘Growing Pains’ by Alessia Cara. I get this song. It gets me.

I've been learning so much about myself and who I am this last week, and it isn't always easy. It doesn't matter that this whole topic has been on my mind for a loooooong time, or that the answer has been floating around in my head for a while, even if I never looked at it directly. That doesn't make it any easier. It's only really been a month since things clicked and a week since I first put a voice to it. And even in this week there have been days where I've been super confident with everything, and days where everything just seems scary. But I refuse to lie to myself, not that I was lying before, now that I finally have some answers. I can't hide from who I am. And yes, sometimes the growing pains have kept me awake at night this week. But I'll get there. It's a long journey, but each small step brings me closer to the finish line.

Beautiful Disaster

A/N - This story was prompted by the section italics at the beginning. It's roughly based on and inspired by the song "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. It turned out much more emotional than i ever thought it would!

15th June 2018

I thought I’d try something new to get back into this blog of mine. Anyone who has stuck around since 2014 knows that for the duration of that year I completed a writing prompt every single day. I’m not sure I could ever do that again as it took a lot of dedication which is hard when I have three jobs, BUT I do have this book which contains writing prompts that are supposed to help you reflect on your life of your memories. I thought that every once in a while I might post some of them here. Bare in mind, these are handwritten in the book itself so I’m limited by how much space the book actually gives me to write! So even if some prompts tell me to write for a certain amount of time, I don’t always do that as I want to fit it all in the space, though I may end up expanding what I wrote in a post. And maybe I’ll share some things from my diary from time to time. We’ll see :) 

This first one was written in 2017.

‘Finish this sentence and keep writing for 10 minutes. DO NOT LOOK AHEAD: What I most want you to know about me is... Stop. Now write this and keep going for 10 minutes:  That was all a lie. Here’s what I really want you to know...’

What I most want you to know about me is why I am the way I am. I feel like any person who wants to become one of my closest friends needs to know at least something of how I became who I am, even if I don’t tell them all the details. So when I meet someone who I instantly click with, I want them to know these things, just as I want to know these things about them. I feel like every single person has their own story to tell and I want my closest friends to know why my story led me to today, just as I want to know theirs. We all have our quirky ways of acting that have been influenced by the things we went through and I want people to understand those. 

That was all a lie. Here’s what I really want you to know. What I wrote above is just an ideal situation - something that I think is easier to wish for than actually do. I mean, the world would be a much better place if we could all break down the masks we put up and speak openly and honestly about the things we have been through and, as a result, feel. People don’t normally share their stories unless they feel like they are talking to someone they fully trust. It’s like it’s not acceptable in society to talk about it. I often feel like conversation today can be ‘surface crap’ as I like to call it. People asking questions but no one really caring about the answers. I think knowing someone’s story, and them knowing yours, allows you to fully understand them - I want that. For me, it goes hand in hand with having a connection with someone and trusting them enough to be completely honest with them. Once you can be honest with them, then the conversation can flow freely, and that is such an important thing for me. But that doesn’t happen with the majority of people I meet. Maybe that’s ok? Maybe it’s better to have three people that I can talk to about absolutely anything, rather than being a completely open book. And I am also guarded. But for those of you who maybe don’t know me so well, what I most want you to know about me is that, though I may want to tell you my story, I often feel I can’t, or that it’s not appropriate. So I want you know that there’s more to me than meets the eye.

I got this sent to my inbox earlier this week! I can't wait till the 21st June when the awards ceremony is and I have the possibility (hopefully) to talk to the press about my piece, which means talking to them about DID and spreading awareness. I still can't thank @multiplicityandme enough for trusting me to share her system in my piece. Rest assured, Jess, I will do my absolute best to do you and the rest of the DID community justice despite not having DID myself. If this even makes a little bit of a difference, I will be happy ❤️

Exciting News

I am so excited to finally be able to announce this!

Last year, after an experience on Facebook where I defended @multiplicityandme and other people with a much-stigmatised and misunderstood mental health disorder called DID, and received a LOT of abuse back, I decided, in typical Robyn style, to vent my anger in my diary. A few months later, this turned into a short 750 word piece where I aimed to educate people about this disorder and encourage people to educate themselves before throwing insults at people whose experiences they have no way of ever fully understanding. @multiplicityandme kindly allowed me to share her system in it as one example of a disorder where every experience of it is different. I submitted this piece into the 'Wicked Young Writer' awards and I am so proud to have learned that I am one of the 20 finalists in the Non-Fiction category!

Regardless of whether I go on to win or not, my piece will be published in the anthology produced by the competition, and that means that my piece will be out there spreading awareness. That is all I ever wanted to do so, to me, this is already winning :)

I also listened to @multiplicityandme on the radio yesterday (she did amazing in her sections!) and I couldn't be happier with the fact that people are starting to talk about this disorder in a more positive light.