I’m So #Chachoom: Silver Linings
Greetings, my name is Jawanza Akinwunmi Harris, I am 22 and a creative from Los Angeles, CA. I asked the question, “May I be a directing poet that paints and acts?” I truly believe that I will be that and more.
Life is perfect, even when things go wrong. It’s up to you to find the great in everything. It was my junior year, going into my senior year of Clark Atlanta University. I thought I was invincible, currently Mr. Junior at Spellman College, SGA Vice-President, introducing the Mayor of Atlanta, getting flown to places to perform out of state, throwing up ALPHA PHI ALPHA where ever I went, there are some explicit endeavors might I add, “NEGUS WE MADE IT!” Right? I was at the top of my game, invited to attend GAALLAHHS. Wrong, I forgot which sport I was in; I want to be a filmmaker for goodness sake, run a brand. But none of those things were on my agenda, including my studies. I didn’t care about classes; me that cared so much about the people started to care about my status. If you have attended an HBCU the ultimate status on campus is SGA President, which I thought who other than the champ.
I’m the most qualified. The people want me. If I don’t do it who will? So I ran and on the campaign of “Let’s Make A Movie CAU!” The genius in the marketing and creativity of my team, took my trailer of a campaign beyond the halls of my institution. People from everywhere were paying attention to the race; surprisingly they started supporting by reposting material. It was Friday and everyone was gathered in the student center to hear the scores, the Student Body, the candidates and our campaign teams. I knew I gave it everything I had, but because a “Scandal” marathon was reflective of this week’s shenanigans I didn’t know what would happen. I just remember my head down and my hands together, praying that they would call my name. The drum was still rolling, and rolling, and rolling, and then like that my name was called. I couldn’t believe it. My campaign team and supporters went crazy with their “Let’s Make A Movie!” shirts, some were even crying. But I still couldn’t, I took the slowest walk up there to join my other winning mates. If eyes could cut, I was cut deep, let me just say that everyone isn’t happy when you win. You know those pinch me, so I know this isn’t a dream moment, the eyes were the pinches. So I “HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!” like Missy, I laughed, but what was funnier is how God gives us exactly what we want, to prove that you don’t want it at all or that you are not ready. So that we might know who is still “Almighty, OG”. The turn-up was real for the next couple of weeks. It was a parade of greatness that the cabinet and I were doing. I wasn’t meek or grateful at all, after this type of blessing I usually go to church, but instead I was saying party in my bed. I just knew this was all my doing. HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! I became a monster, the ones that I despised the most.
Even though I was laughing, God was setting me up for the true punch line. I was losing sight of my purpose and the reason for my elevation. See it’s been times where God has showed up and because of us his grace I was able to finesse out of situations. But I was walking out of favor, yet I was still kept. The feeling of being overwhelmed, and the pressure was starting to take a toll. The swarm of meetings, questions, events, losing friends, it was all consuming me. I wanted to be everything for everybody, even if it had nothing to do with my purpose. It was the week of finals when I realized that I was failing two classes. These two classes at the time weren’t problematic, because I wanted to graduate. It only was an issue because by the end of the semester I might not be eligible for the position of President. Still focused on the wrong thing, my priorities still are crazy. So I panic and pulled the sick card. Well in this case, I had to pull a sick letter and doctor’s report. My professor felt like inspector gadget, and investigated the documents and found out they were false. The office of Student Affairs was notified and so was the campus, everyone knew, I felt like I couldn’t show my face anywhere. I felt like a joke. Most grateful for that moment because I didn’t have no place to turn but to my knees and I pray my heart clean, that God might only allow me to get out of this one. Next thing you know I was sitting in the office of the Associate Dean with expulsion up for discussion. Then that favor kicked in and I only was placed on probation.
I was embarrassed; it was so bad I didn’t even want to finish school at CAU. I felt so low about everything. Then one day I had a deep reflection of all of what I had been through. I was in a Homecoming Meeting when I should have been in a Production Meeting. I wasn’t at all on track to graduate. If I were S.G.A. President, it would have been more than an extra semester I would have stayed. Most of all I lost sight of me, and purpose, the bright side of things I would be further in the wrong direction of where I am supposed to be headed. I’m So Chachoom, because of Silver Linings. Silver Linings, is optimism at its finest. Regardless of what situation you are in there is always a brighter side to the problem. The saying goes, “Every cloud has a silver lining.” I usually say, “Every day has a sun, you just have to find it.” It’s not easy to live in a world where negativity is king, or where sometimes even the brighter side of things seems very dim. Little light is better than no light at all. Just because something isn’t easy does not mean we cop out and take the negative way out? NOOOOOOO, it doesn’t, find the sun and lay in it.
Written by: Jawanza #Akinwunmi Harris (IG: @icychachoom)
Photography by: Blair Barnes @blairbarnes (IG: @irregularhuman)
