For the one last time... Dear Destiny community,

I think I have to face it that was never welcome in the community from the start. I give up defending myself. People who already couldn’t stand me will end up believing the stories they like best anyway. I’m tired. Tired of made up stories with people or blogs I’ve never seen or interacted before, being exposed for my love and sexual attraction for Cayde, my experience with bullying and sexual abuse questioned, being called biphobic or homophobic for not liking certain Cayde ships or sharing fanart, manipulated proof and screenshots, being accused of fake blogs and followers. Overall just tired of a community that once again showed their true self and bullied another person off Tumblr. I’ve tried to fight hate with love, but I guess I’ll give you what you want and leave. The reputation you gave me just cannot be repaired, no matter if I’m innocent and the truth comes out, or not. You’re lucky that I’m so much stronger than I used to be, cause I don’t know if other people could handle dealing with so much hate. It may be just the internet, but there’s a person with feelings behind every screen and everyone handles bullying differently. It’s their life in your hands. Please consider that in future with your next victim(s). I’ve met amazing, creative and overall wonderful people here in the past half year and even found friends. Sadly I realized too late who turned out to be bad for me and others, and the hurt they’ve done cannot be excused. I never stood for any kind of bullying, harassment and especially not for death threats, since I’ve dealt with this myself online and in reallife a lot. You claim I never made a point that I don’t tolerate this kind of behavior, but that’s not right. I’ve apologized many times for the behaviour of some of my followers, I just think you didn’t want to see it, or that it wasn’t enough. Maybe it wasn’t enough, maybe I should’ve done more. But better late than never. I won’t call anyone out, since I don’t want anyone to go through what I have to right now, but today I’ve told someone I considered one of my friends here that I want a future without them. Some of you may know who I mean. It seems she didn’t take it well and deleted herself. Maybe some of you are right and I should’ve done it earlier to protect me and others, but I can’t rewind time. If I could, I would. But you most know, I always try to see the good in people and give them another chance. I guess that was one of my biggest mistakes here. But please, I just cannot repeat it enough, that I don’t have the same views like toxic followers and ex-friends of mine. I don’t stand for any kind of homophobia and bullying, these people are responsible for their own actions. Let’s not forget that online bullying and sending someone death threats is considered a crime in Germany and it’s easy to track. I’m not that stupid to risk my future at the police over a videogame character and arguments online. It’s not worth it. I’m sad and really heartbroken right now, but i’ll live. Life goes on and leaving Tumblr is not the end of the world for me. It was just my safeplace for a little while. I’m okay with being alone with my love for Cayde for now again, I guess no one can hurt, expose or laugh at me that way. He may be just a stupid videogame character, but I’m so grateful for him. He’s truly a light in the dark and done so much for me than anyone else ever could. Fictional or not. I have nothing to hide and I won’t delete this blog. I’ll keep it as an archive for anyone who wants a trip down memory lane and for anyone who will fall in love with Cayde in future. There will be one last final post coming up that means a lot to me, but promise no more texts defending myself, it’s just useless at this point wasting my time. Who knows. Maybe I’ll come back when people calm down and all of this blows over, but it’s more likely I won’t come back at all. Me, my health and my apprentice and future job are just more important to me now. Overall I’d like to apologize from the bottom of my heart if I ever made someone uncomfortable with my behaviour. I’m sorry if I sadly was part of making people leave Tumblr because I didn’t speak up or done enough against my toxic followers and ex-friend behaviour. I’m sorry that even though I’m sexually open when it comes to a fictional character, a rough sex joke somehow triggered me. Also I’m sorry for all the other things I’m supposed to have done, doesn’t matter anymore if for real or not. I’m sorry. I’ve always aspired to be and do good. Cayde once said: My calling is to do good. Maybe not always to “be” good, ya know, but do good. There’s a difference. I somehow really relate to that. Maybe too much of trying to do good was too much. Maybe I’ve failed here, trying to overly protect myself from people who hurt me in the past. But no one will ever make me believe that I’m a bad person or that Cayde would be disappointed in me. It hurts but I know it’s not true. I want to leave in peace and forgive anyone who ever hurt me, lied about me, called me out and sent me hateful messages and death threats. You have to face that your behaviour wasn’t right and that you’ve made mistakes either, but I’ll forgive you. We all are just human after all. All these allegations and things I’ve read about me are horrible, but it happened, I’ll leave it in the past. You’ve taken my safeplace away, but you can’t take my love for Cayde and the wonderful time and experience I’ve had here in the past half year. One last thank you to everyone who believes me, everyone who still supports me and sends me love, everyone who took me and my nonsense the way I am, everyone who just fangirled with me, everyone who enjoyed my Cayde thirst and content, everyone who made my day better with their posts, drawings, messages or just being here and of course thanks everyone who at least took their time and read all of this. I’ll always love and appreciate you. <3 See you starside. XOXOXOXO Nicole

Cayde makes me happy.

Cayde staying up all night to admire his girls peacefully asleep face in the dim moonlight gently intruding the bedroom. Grabbing her hand that feels so small and soft in his big, synthetic hand made of nothing but metal and wires. A mechanic body created for war and killing, not for loving a woman, flesh, bone and blood. He intertwines their fingers and his bright aqua blue optics keep admiring her sleeping frame like a masterpiece lying in his bed instead of being hung up in a museum. Battered leather of his gloved thumb strokes the back of her hand, warm and silky skin soothing his troubled soul. The blue metal plates in his face shift into a loving smile, holding his world in his hand. She's the meaning of peace and love. Beautiful and fragile, like a flower he could crush...

Hello! I’m just a random tumblr-less stranger that visits your blog now and then and I noticed you’ve been getting a lot of hate. It’s all bullshit honestly. You and your thirst for Cayde are valid, so please don’t let those nasty people put you down like that. I made this for you to cheer you up. I really hope you’ll like it. :)

Imagine waking up next to Shiro on a beautiful winter morning. A snowstorm is dancing and howling outside Felwinter Peak. Cold air and the smell of snow and gunpowder lingers in your bedroom. Familiar yellow is blurring your sleepy and dazed vision. Shiro just came home from another mission and he brought winter into your bed. His cold armor burns your bare skin in the most gentle way and that’s what’s left of the snow is lazily melting, leaving long streaks of tears on his chest plate. But right now you don’t mind wet and dirty armor staining your bedsheets at all. He’s here with you and that’s all that matters. Your head is resting on his arm, while your thigh is comfortably slung around his waist. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.” His voice is smooth and sharp, just like one of his knives. Goosebumps. Always. “Morning, handsome.”, you give back with a tired smile as your fingertips explore the dots on his exotic chest armor. You’ve never seen frosty cyan optics glow so warm. His black lips plates form a soft smile and he moves closer, covering your body with his big yellow cloak. You feel so warm and secure. Snowstorms aren’t that bad when he’s there...

Imagine waking up in Cayde’s arms on a rainy morning. It’s cozy and warm and you feel so safe with his arms around you. His horn gently pressed up against your forehead, the lip plates lazily forming a smile, greeting you with a gentle “mornin’ beautiful”. His voice and blue optics are so heavy with sleep. He’s just beautiful. He’s your peace. Everything in the world seems alright in his arms...

streamed some Destiny again with a fluffy exo baby today.

unnecessary things I want to write absolutely no one is asking for: - Cayde falling in love with a blind girl - Shiro being a protective premium robo boyfriend after we’re being involved in Cayde’s murder - just daddy Shiro holding and loving his little tiny yellow exo baby and being the thiccest exo dad in all the land - a exo prostitute showing Cayde and Coco how to properly fuck each other because they’re are both scared to do something wrong or hurt each other aww - just anything gay with Petra Venj - Cayde fucking you on his map in the vanguard hall because - threesome with Cayde and one my friends/followers OC’s because I’m a perv - drunk Cayde allowing Shiro to fuck his girlfriend while he’s watching - Coco just being a bitch and teasing Cayde deep throating a banana - modern day Cayde as cop (haters get triggered) things I actually have to write everyone’s waiting for: - THAT Cayde and Shiro threesome fanfic - THAT smutty bodyguard Cayde OS - first chapter for my bodyguard Cayde x Coco Bray series - literally 53 other things