Mistress of the Night

hm. random question

When I am emperor, I will make everyone who refers to women’s leg hair removal as “basic hygiene” fight to the death in my coliseum.

finally it will be understood that I am doing it not for hygiene but for slut reasons

sluts are welcome in my empire, be they hairy or smooth

Confused, but cautiously willing to welcome these slippery people into my empire so long as I can put down some plastic drop clothes over the couches before they sit down, and provided they do not become evangelical or moralizing about their thigh slime. (Why stop at thighs? Why not emulate the valiant eel and opt for a full mucusoid coat?)

This probably refers to people whose thighs touch and chafe when they’re wearing shorts or skirts

Aww, and here I was planning an imperial holiday called Slime Fest, with mandatory public slimings.

Very well, anti-chafing measures are permissible. I want my subjects to be comfortable (when they are not fighting to the death obviously).

your highness can we still have slime fest?

*imperial majesty thx

Imperial majesty, can we still have the slime fest?

hmmmmmm

no I’m too sad that the eel people don’t exist and I shall declare an Imperial Day of Sulking instead

all are welcome

The imperial Majesty Sulking

for three hours each day we will open the doors of the palace to the public so that my subjects may view their emperor sulking about the eel people from the royal observation chamber

there will be hors d'oeuvre

Are they made of the dead champions, your imperial majesty? The hors d’oeuvre

oh, no, they’re just unagi rolls

I got blood inside my phone charging port and now it only works 50% of the time

get yellow bile in there next to balance the humors of the phone

you. I like the way you think. put on this little outfit I want to make you my royal advisor.

can i tell from the little outfit if I am going to be the royal advisor (jocular) or the royal advisor (sinister)?

it depends on the size of the boob window. we’ll get there when we get there.

Yeah likely sinister, after all they put me in a little outfit prior to deactivating.

Hi I have a question about Pacific Rim. Given that the sparring is just A way to test for drift compatibility and any activity that requires people to collaborate and anticipate each others moves works, including stuff like multi player video games

They are piloting a Jaeger together in my imagination

Its name is "Yes, And?"

reblog if its friday and you made it

rb to relieve the back pain of the person u reblogged this from

i just know there was a weird little girl in the middle ages out there stealing snake's eggs and putting them in her family's chicken coop in the hope of hatching a basilisk

god i love the internet because if i said shit like this to people irl they'd probably just stare at me blankly but when i post it online everyone in the notes reacts like this

logged in vs logged out.

the owner of tumblr has blocked me for starting a kung pow penis chain on one of his recent posts

teenage me and current me are both depressed directionless girls, the only difference is that current me started appreciating the beauty of the world and realized how good it is to be alive despite it all

true true true

Ch👍

holy FUCK

hyperfixating on this is not enough i need to eat it

Christians with jesus christ

why is there a new popular post with a joke about eucharist every week on this website

Mass is on Sundays

Roasted chicken, ginger, daikon, shiitake mushroom soup with lime, cilantro, broccoli sprouts, and rice noodles

Thank u for this contribution

Wait a minute .. you guys aren't here for art references!

See also: the Mongolian Naadam festival

Time to buy more King Arthur Flour!