I'm queer & I eat dice

you ever see a patch of unmowed grass so good it makes you wanna

the shelter: this cat is very timid and quiet. she spends a lot of time hiding, and we have never heard her make any noise

the cat after being in my home for a few months: *meowing because I'm not paying attention to her* *meowing because she entered a room* *meowing because she ate the last of her food* *meowing because I came home from work* *purring*

*clears throat* At some point between the high republic era and the prequels era, the Jedi order realized they were flat broke. rent on coruscant had been steadily increasing as more and more galactic governmental organizations headquartered themselves there, and being an order of peacekeeping monks who spent their days mostly in quiet meditation didn't exactly bring in a ton of cash. so they decided to start holding their practice spars in a public amphitheater, and charging a few credits for admission. people outside of the order have long been fascinated by lightsabers and lightsaber fights, so what's the harm in showing off a bit? it's not like this will eventually lead to restructuring the entire order around flashy combat and stage personas and an organized fight schedule... right?

Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the best fighters in the entire galaxy. his events always draw huge crowds and surging ticket prices. his compelling plotline ("killed" the heel who took his master out of the ring) is part of it, his dramatic (sensationalized) forbidden romance with a mandalorian duchess is part of it, and his dashing good looks are a substantial part of it. but still, Kenobi isn't happy. the new president of the Saber Combat League is also a senator who seems all too content to use the League as a distraction from the outbreak of war across the galaxy. shouldn't the Jedi be involved in this? (they aren't. but shouldn't they be?)

said senator, Palpatine, is also pushing them to their limits. more fights, more dangerous stunts, more real injuries. the plotline is getting more and more convoluted as the fighters who bring in the most credits have to face each other over and over again, for increasingly ridiculous reasons. he thinks he has fought his own padawan, Anakin Skywalker, about a hundred times now. (Anakin is one of few people with more star power than him - a past as a champion podracer, a chosen one origin story, and an open secret marriage to a queen-turned-senator will do that.) Popular heels are brought back from "the dead" - including his least favorite, Maul.

in addition, while the league has long been welcoming of reoccurring villains from outside the Jedi order, some of the people who have been set up in fights recently seem... off. they couldn't possibly be... sith, could they? no one has seen a sith in centuries. surely Maul, the man who wounded Qui-Gon and ruined his career in the ring for life, was lying about being a sith? surely Dooku, a man who left the order to pursue politics, is lying about being a sith? it's just promotion, right? He's skeptical of Palpatine's leadership (and how much profit he's making off the Jedi), and he especially doesn't like his burgeoning friendship with Anakin.

now because i'm a ventrobi shipper, the inciting incident is Asajj first appearing in the ring as his newest enemy - a heel. she was recruited from the slave gladiator arenas of rattatak and is desperate to not. go. back. but he doesn't know that, because she doesn't say much in the locker room before the fight. he just knows she's intense and vicious and hot. and their fight chemistry is so good, they end up slated to fight each other again and again. Anakin is acting like he's not jealous (he is, mostly because he ends up fighting unknown nobodies and he craves a challenge); Satine is upset because there are now rumors of an affair in the tabloids (they haven't been a real couple in over a decade); and Qui-gon is wary about this new woman's connections to Dooku. but Obi-Wan can't stop himself from leaning into their flirtatious banter, and pressing for more information about her.

at some point, Palpatine decides that the script calls for Ventress to be written out of the plot. in a moment of vulnerability before the fight where this is meant to happen, she breaks down and tells him about what it will mean for her, and Obi-Wan realizes that to save her, he might have to go against Palpatine, and maybe break kayfabe in the process. they improvise, and in the big moment when he's supposed to realize she can't be saved and run her through, he instead says he's realized he's in love with her, and they share a big dramatic kiss. the crowd goes insane. Ventress goes from a decently popular fighter to the hottest ticket in town, even when she's fighting other people. anakin is furious, not only because palpatine is his new best friend, but also because no one upstages him like that. Qui-gon is... pleasantly confused, but proud - whatever happens from here, it's going to be messy, but if anyone can right this league, it's his stubborn former padawan.

the best part about this insane unhinged au is you can ship whatever you want in it. Cody is Obi-Wan's manager, Padme is a guest of honor at every fight, any Jedi or villain you like can be in the ring. it RULES and i have so much fun with it. it is not written anywhere (except here)

I've been reading No Bad Parts, which is about internal family systems therapy, and immediately off the bat it is giving me better mental health advice than any other book, article, or healthcare worker ever has. highly recommend, especially if you currently or in the past dealt with self harm or overwhelming emotions