Hey y'all mind if I... *rearranges your genome to better suit my wants and needs*

pour one out

“It’s too soon, Miles”

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

real

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought "why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff," so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It's alright if you can't because apparently I fuckin couldn't either

Cutting something out of your life because you think you don't need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let's say public health and the social safety net and vaccines

I remember a more innocent time, when two bros would chill in a hot tub, six feet apart, not because of a global pandemic, but merely because they were not gay.

you look like scooped from a jar

you look like two scoops from a jar of something.

ECONONY......

so much drama in one photo

somebody hold me back

Let that man go

he is turning the tiles brown. he needs to be contained

SCP 

precisely the correct music for this wet animal creature

gotta blast

steam used to mean water in the air now it means games. how far weve fallen

stream also used to mean water. jesus christ

Tommy neglected to inform me about the body