Meltdowns vs Anxiety

I got this comment on this post about meltdowns that I just saw.

All I can do is explain the difference to me as I experience both.

An anxiety attack for me is very textbook. I get short of breath, I feel hot, sometimes I feel like I’ve had an entire pot of the most caffeinated espresso. I feel frightened and sometimes a panic attack can lead to a meltdown due to the overstimulation. I feel like I need to be someplace other than where I am. I can typically take one of my onset meds to stop a panic attack or do breathing and mindfulness exercises to calm me down.

A meltdown for me is even more frightening. I do not always see them coming, though I can get what some of my friends and I call “melty”. I’ll explain in more depth.

“Melty” for me is when I feel both raw and numb at the same time. When people are too much. Noises are too much. Lights are too much. My skin feels too sensitive. I start seeing patterns when I hear noises. I start stumbling over words and even forgetting them. I start having long mute moments. I ache.

For a full blown meltdown, the feelings start turning into a hard pressure in my head, like being underwater. I start getting tunnel vision. I don’t know what I say anymore. I can’t walk, I start scratching at my skin to feel something different. I’ve been told I repeat things over and over. I rock myself and don’t know it. I am in a bubble of isolation and pressure because my mind has shut down.

And that, for me, is the difference. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

“Previous research shows that autistic people have high levels of co-occurring mental health conditions. Yet, a number of case reports have revealed that mental health conditions are often misdiagnosed in autistic individuals. A total of 420 adults who identified as autistic, possibly autistic or non-autistic completed an online survey consisting of questions regarding mental health diagnoses they received, whether they agreed with those diagnoses and if not why. Autistic and possibly autistic participants were more likely to report receiving mental health diagnoses compared to non-autistic participants, but were less likely to agree with those diagnoses.”

This happened a county over from where I live.

Edit: I posted this from my phone and thought the citation was posted with it. I can’t remember where I got it from on Facebook now, sorry.

A meltdown is not a word you use to describe a bad day. It’s not a panic attack. It’s not a mental health episode. It’s not a tantrum and it’s not something a small child does several times a day- unless of course that child is autistic.

It is the complete loss of emotional control experienced by an autistic person. It doesn’t last long but once triggered, there’s no stopping it. Meltdowns are emotional avalanches that run their course whether you or the autistic person having it likes it or not. They can happen at anytime and can be caused by a number of factors including: environmental stimuli, stress, uncertainty, rapid and impactful change and much more. It really depends on the individual.

I’m watching this now, and I’m crying. I was diagnosed in my thirties, too. My diagnosis felt like relief.