.
Is this how you schedule a post…? Well.. It should be around 4:02am and by the time this message is reached to you, I’ll be hopefully gone by then. I’ve disappointed so many people in doing this, but I honestly couldn’t find any more strength. I’m sorry. I’m stuck in this tidal wave of a mess and I would keep drowning each and every day; I tried to claw my way out, I honestly did. I still don’t see how anyone could ever mourn for such a piece of shit like me… maybe I still haven’t seen it- and I never will. Maybe this is all for the best, you shouldn’t be sad, if you are, and you shouldn’t linger on my existence any longer.
I fooled myself into thinking I was getting better in comparison to two years ago, but It’d be difficult thinking so when the constant thoughts would slither into my mind in the depths of the night, leaving me with no other options but to leave. Call me a coward, call me an idiot, I deserve it. I’d rather leave everything behind than to live any longer like this.
Elena: You’ve been there from the start and I couldn’t have imagined where I would be without you. I placed my trust upon you and you know the things I now would never be able to speak from my own mouth; I thank you for being there and listening. You’ve brought me so much happiness and I feel terrible for doing this do you, I’m sorry I broke our promise… can’t I be replaceable?
Natalie: We’ve talked for such a short period of time and something drew me into trusting you… but I still can’t speak; I’m sorry. I’d send you this on private but… knowing you… you’d probably contact help for me and I don’t want it- I don’t need it. You’re such an amazing girl, and I thank you for understanding and staying by my side. The both of you, thank you so much. I’d mention so many more people but know this, every message I’ve read and every message had placed a smile upon my face, so thank you for that. I remember you and I’ll hopefully never forget you all.
I won’t lie and say the thought of dying doesn’t frighten me because I’m actually shitting myself right now, but I have to be strong at least for this… the only thing I can think of right now. You all have made me so content… I’ll be better, wherever I am right now…
Thank you, everyone who cared about me. thank you, 샤이니.
I hope that one day, you all find it in your hearts to forgive me.
