i wish i could pause life and lay in bed for 3 months and just catch my fucking breath

Artist unknown

New Hearing Aids!

So I just got my new Phonak Naida hearing aids and WOW!! What a difference!

Previously I owned some (pedatric - because hello! colour!) hearing aids and I guess their system vs adult hearing aids sound quality is quite different.

My new (adult) Phonak Hearing Aids are… incredible. I can actually listen to music while on the train, without background noise interferring. According to my family, when I call them through my hearing aids (bluetooth) it’s clear for them to understand.

Now to get used to all these new sounds, again. The pain. How do hearing people do it, every single day?! I’m so grateful I know sign language.

My new hearing aids! Phonak Naida (black BTE) with neon green earmoulds. I didn’t realize it matches the colours of the PHONAK colour scheme! 

One benefit of having black BTE ... can change up the earmoulds to any and all colours! 

I love having the ability to listen to music and only the music on the train, busy street, noisy enviornments. 

A fun way to get yourself to do chores when you have adhd is to simulate a sense of panic by setting horrible deadlines that fit into other things that you’re doing.

For example, you set up a kettle of water to boil for your tea. Quick! Wipe down the whole counter before it’s done boiling, for the love of god you’re running out of time! Wipe it down! The water is almost boiling.

The water is boiling and your counter is clean. Now set your timer for your tea for three minutes and of my god there’s cups in your room! Quick! Get all the cups from everywhere in the house! Run! You’ve only got three minutes! Get all the dishes into the kitchen!

Oh would you look at that. You got all the dishes in the sink and now your tea is ready. Nice. Now you can chill with your tea.

I’ve found that little stuff like that helps me. Forcing myself into unexpected last minute deadlines. It fills up empty space and my house is a little bit cleaner.

I HATE that I know this works- legit heating something up in the microwave? Rushing to put everything away before it goes off because there is something satisfying about beating it and you feel accomplished.

So I tried this, and I'm genuinely shocked that it worked???

Like, I'm overjoyed that I found a way to do chores without minutes of trying to force myself, but it actually worked??? What kind of sorcery is this???

[ID: The “It’s Free Real Estate” meme except it’s edited to say “It’s Free Deadline”. End ID]

Today, my therapist was talking about how the smallest bits of self-care — even making yourself a mug of warm tea — are a way of recognizing your own worth, and how meaningful they are when you really dislike yourself. “After all,” she said, “I don’t know about you, but I don’t often make tea for people I hate.”

And that really hit me, especially because I’m an acts-of-service kind of person and tea is one of my go-to ways to show people that I’m thinking about them, care about them, and hope their day could be a little better. So maybe when I make tea for myself, I’m saying that to myself, too, that I’m thinking of my own needs, caring for myself, and trying to make my day a little better. 

And that’s really important to me because a lot of days I struggle to do basic things to keep myself going and just feel like I’m self-destructive, only ever making things worse… but most days I still manage to make myself a mug of tea or two. And it’s good to know that that matters. 

When ur like: “this show is very good.  In fact, it is too good.  I want something I can watch with 30% brain and this is a minimum 60% brain show.”

i hate when managers pretend they don’t understand how the real world works because they’re in a corporate setting yet if you removed them from that corporate setting and contextualized the situation they would realize how fucked it was.

like lmao one time I got hit by a car so i had to last minute call out from work at walmart, and i get there the next day, i looked fucked up as hell, and they’re like “so whyd you call out last minute without checking with us first? it’s a major warning gotta say”

and i’m like “well, as the call out said, i got hit by a car and was in the hospital. because you know. i was hit by a car and as you can see bones are broken on me and i am very scratched up and bruised.”

and they get the fucking most ridiculous look on their face like they’re broken or something and theyre like “will it happen again?”

and i’m like “will i get hit by a car again? I don’t know. Didn’t think I would this time either”

like they’re acting like they don’t understand what getting hit by a car is because their bullshit training doesn’t account for it lmao… as if they aren’t human enough to understand what getting hit by a car is

it’s so fucking annoying.

in the first job i ever had i was only there a few weeks when i got diagnosed with tonsilitis, ended up in hospital because i didn’t respond to the penicillin and woke up unable to breath after a few days of not being able to speak.

the whole time i was off my manager insisted i call in every single day to tell them i was taking the day off. even when i called them from the hospital, barely able to speak, saying they’d found another issue (Mono) and that I’d be off for at least two weeks the response was “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, let us know how you’re feeling tomorrow.”

talking felt like swallowing glass, and the only words i spoke for the majority of my time off was the hoarse croaking i made down the phone to let my manager know that yes, surprise surprise, i was still going to be off for two weeks just like i’d told her every time before.

they didn’t see anything wrong with this redundant, almost tortuous request. to them it was just policy for absence and i had to follow through with it, no matter how much it hurt.

thats so fucking asinine.

I’m actually dealing with this exact shit right now.

I broke my foot on the job last Sunday. I work in a warehouse and my dumbass coworker Doug was fucking around and ended up tipping a heavy crate right onto my foot. It hurt like a bitch and now my whole foot is encased in a cast, and I’m going to be on crutches until August probably. And of course the various fucking managers all keep calling in. How am I doing? Could I come into work today? When am I going to be able to come back into work? Are you sure you can’t make it in? Why not? Isn’t there any way you can work around your injury? Like, morons, I sent you a copy of the fucking doctors report. I am out of fucking commission until practically the end of the fucking summer.

I swear by the Lord our God and all of his Saints that managers are not actually human beings. They’re all just built in some factory somewhere and sold to corporations whenever they need them. It’s the only way to explain how fucking dense and utterly self centered every single one of them are. It’s ludicrous.

When I was in college, I was a cashier at Winn Dixie (which is the objectively worst supermarket chain; I was young and desperate for money, don’t @ me).  It was pretty standard, monotonous, move items from right to left over a laser beam for 8 hours then go home and do it again tomorrow.  All the laser scanners are housed in a little plastic box, you don’t even think about it, it’s built into the counter.  Well, one of the registers was missing this box, so it was just an exposed metal device.  As I’m scanning items, I accidentally ran my hand along the length of it, slicing my palm open pretty good.  There’s a roll of paper towels under each register, so I grab a fistful and continue the transaction with my good hand.  I turn off my register light and divert customers to the other lanes because I need to go to the bathroom to clean my wound. 

My boss has other ideas.

He walks over to me and says I’m not allowed to just close my lane without asking; I tell him I cut my hand and need to clean it, and he tells me that I already have paper towels, I don’t need to leave my post.  I tell him that I would like to clean it out with soap, and he tells me that there should be hand sanitizer under my register, so again, I don’t need to leave my post.  I don’t think anybody has ever gotten a flesh wound and thought “you know, I need to rub some alcohol on this, stat,” but this guy seemed to think that was the perfect solution.

I had to continue cashiering with one hand for two hours before my lunch break, all the while my boss is telling me to pick up the pace because my items-per-hour is substandard.

I at least had the common courtesy to wait until the end of my shift before I quit.

Former coworker of mine spilled boiling water on herself while cooking pasta at work. She told the manager at the time, “It burns!! It really really burns!!! I have to go to the hospital!”

Manager told her “Yeah it’s hot water it’ll burn, finish your shift and you can go”

Her shift wasn’t over for the next 2 hours

Luckily a server happened to be waiting on a few nurses, so the server grabbed the burned lady and had the nurses look at her injury and they determined they were 2nd degree burns and she had to go to the hospital IMMEDIATELY

Only THEN did the manager begrudgingly allow my former coworker to leave the premises, and complained the whole time that she had to “pick up the slack.”

This very same manager used to text me on my days/time off to tell me “You didn’t do x” or “You left without doing Y”

Once I was working at a movie theater and got a sharp pain in my side. I tumbled to the floor. My (male) manager leaned over and asked if I was on my period (gross enough but I was 15 at the time). It hurt so much I could breathe, but he made me stand up and keep working.

From 6pm to 12am I was on the verge of passing out from pain. Because it was such a short shift, I didn’t get a break. I get off work and go home. My aunt took me to the er immediately. Appendicitis. I had appendicitis. Fuck managers

This. Is. deliberate.

They aren’t being ignorant. They don’t not understand the problem. They are deliberately trying to make you feel guilty and ashamed for having the audacity to be injured.

This is why we unionize, and this is why we call our unions at the first sign of this bullshit.

Make bosses afraid again.