Drake in response to Adele’s recent declaration that she’d love to officially remix “Hotline Bling” (via adelesource)
who would win in a fight
courage the cowardly dog or scooby doo
circumstances: if courage loses muriel dies, if scooby loses then shaggy dies
discuss
scooby is a gluttonous heathen who cares for nothing but the contents of his stomach
counter: scooby eats courage
Courage would traverse the depths of Scooby’s stomach and find a way to get out and enact justice upon him. Courage has defeated stronger beasts than Scooby in order to save Muriel
Courage continuously surmounts his cowardice, whereas Scooby has only ever captured a monster through happenstance. Courage is more than ready to kill for his owner, and owes more to Muriel than Scooby does to Shaggy.
men: *decided women weren’t allowed attend schools, study sciences, or have access to higher education* men: well if women are so smart then how come there aren’t many contributions from women in history huh
The Muppets s01e07
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
Miss Piggy telling it like it is and keeping it REAL.
There is no biblical evidence that Jesus even knew how to parallel park. Letting him take the wheel seems a bit irresponsible.
Uh, no, you’re so wrong? Everybody knows that Jesus drove a Honda, but he didn’t like to talk about it?
From John 12:49 ‘For I do not speak of my own Accord…’
That is brilliant and this post is an example of the right way to do religious jokes are are actually funny without being preachy nor offensive.
Maybe Jesus didn’t like to talk about it because it wasn’t the same kind of car as his Dad’s.
Because as we all know, God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in His Fury.
Nah, clearly God drives Dodge pickup trucks, because Moshe’s people are told not to approach the mountain “until the Ram’s horn sounds a long blast” -Exodus 19:13.
dwayne the rock johnson talked about how he had depression one time before he was a successful wrestler and that means that people can finally stop citing winston churchill when they want an example of a famous person who dealt with depression, because dwayne the rock johnson is better than winston churchill in literally every way
@bashing-moran you
when you are under the word count for an essay
One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”
The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”
I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.
The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.”
this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor
The art of bullshit is strong in the service industry
So happy I work in a bar where I can at least tell people to fuck off in a friendly voice.
The man in this image is Veerender Jubbal, an awesome Sikh Canadian Let’s Play Gamer, critic, and outspoken feminist. People photoshopped the image on the right (of him holding an ipad) to look like the image on the left (wearing a suicide vest and holding a quran). The photoshopped image has been picked up by multiple news agencies and distributed as a “selfie of one of the Paris attackers still at large”. It is a selfie of an innocent man who has never been to Paris and was targeted, by all accounts, because he had the *audacity* to be a person of color vocally speaking up against Gamergate.
If you see the image on the left circulating, please speak up for Veerender!
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW
THIS IS A TRUMPET
THIS IS A TROMBONE
THIS IS A TUBA
AND THIS IS A FRENCH HORN
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
You mean trumpet
Slidey Trumpet
Big ass trumpet
Drunk Trumpet
I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU
My sides
AT LEAST YOUR INSTRUMENTS LOOK DIFFERENT
those are some fancy guitars
EXCUSE YOU THAT IS A BASS, A VIOLIN, A FIDDLE, AND A VIOLA
Those are big mama violin and her little violings
