alexisthenedd

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The tags on this post lmfaoooo

gems from the tags: round 2

sorry to the sad tumblr girlies but the real cunt is in the room containing these 4

new SuperWhoLock just dropped

#we joke that the first room is a bloodbath#but you couldn't pay me to sit in on the second room#there's mental illness in that room so complex it's only perceivable by shrimp  (via @moorishflower​)

one of the posts of all time

Limacodid Slug Caterpillar (Cup Moth, Belippa horrida, Limacodidae) “Jelly Bean” by Sinobug (itchydogimages) on Flickr. Pu’er, Yunnan, China See more Chinese caterpillars on my Flickr site HERE…..

That is a watered melon.

ᶜᵃᵐᵈʸ

“Can you explain this gap in your employment?” I was writing about dragons, next question

Dragon Heritage Post

No literally i have a one year gap in my resume where I was working on my book but also doing house of the dragon recaps for a website and I solved this issue by putting “freelance dragon expert” on my resume. Got the first job I applied for.

Not to be that person but instead of buying that sacred herb closed to a culture and practice you don’t belong to just because some non-Indigenous re-seller advertised it to you as “spiritual magical plant that removes 99,99% of all bad spirits” you could, I don’t know, clean your windows or vacuum. Sometimes cleansing is just cleaning, you know.

Slight tangent, but Can Confirm that sometimes that weird-heavy-headachey “bad energy” feeling in your house is just stagnant air with dust and trapped odors adjacent.

Try opening your windows and airing the place out alongside a modicum of cleaning anything dusty or stinky (high-traffic areas, seating, kitchen sink, trash bins, bathrooms, pet enclosures and potties) and see if things don’t feel better. Not saying the place has to be spotless, but it will probably feel better with fresh air and the removal of allergens, sewage, and perishable garbage. (If it’s too hot to open the windows, at least clean up the pet messes, wash the dishes, and take out the garbage. Anything that can rot and stink, get it out. And run some fans to get the air moving.)

Also, if the Bad Feeling is an ongoing problem, check your home for mold, gas leaks, bad wiring, pests, and carbon monoxide. You’d be SHOCKED how many symptoms of “hauntings” are just homes in need of practical repairs and pest control.

You don’t need to go bonkers with smoke or moon water or incense or candles for regular maintenance-level home cleansing. Cleaning is cleansing and cleansing is cleaning. Put down the sage and pick up a sponge, TRUST ME.

yeah one time i thought i might be into killing myself again but it turned out I forgot some potatoes on top of my fridge and was suffering from profound solanine poisoning. Such is life.

Kicking my feet like a schoolgirl thinking about the 20 second zoetrope visible from the northbound D train in the abandoned bmt myrtle ave station and sighing dreamily

Love and peace on planet earth

Used to take the D train to work and thought I hallucinated this from the way no one else was watching!

guys let’s make up a Neil Gaiman book next

The Goncharov meme has exposed several really interesting things:

1) It highlights tumblr as actual social media based in community effort rather than status

2) It shows what tumblr as a whole values in media (in particular, queer representation, strong relationships between characters, emotional catharsis, and dichotomy of themes such as spending one's life building a legacy versus just living life)

3) Tumblr humor is based primarily in improv "yes and-ing" and commitment to the bit, and people will put 200% effort into pushing the bit even further if the bit keeps being fun

4) More than anything, people want to entertain each other, and being in a community that values entertaining others leads to incredible collaborative works of creativity that don't even feel like work to make

Yep, Tumblr is the only living social media site that is powered almost entirely by creative collaboration and transformative fandom and that is why nothing else on the internet -feels- like tumblr. Because nothing -is- like tumblr.

guys I’m sorry. I did not enjoy goncharov. pls don’t kick me out.

Eh. It was very predictable. All the drama, with no real payoff.

THANK YOU! and i know some people are going to say that it’s predictable because so many of Scorsese’s tropes and habits stem from the same trauma he clearly wrote goncharov to address but that doesn’t mean it’s not…you know….kinda boring after watching all his later (better) work first sorry sorry not sorry

I think it's rather banal at this point, a shorthand that pigeonholed Pacino into roles such as Scarface. Was Cybil Sherpard's character the one who crawled so Michelle Phiefer's crimelord golden Zelda girl could walk???

I would 100000% read an essay about the banality of that shorthand in the context of Scorsese’s eventual role in cinema and its development with goncharov as an arguable starting point. Are we not going to talk about Andrey as a prototype for the twisted undermasculine ideal of Travis Bickle? And therefore for Joker?? (yes we can blame goncharov for Joker come at me)

It’s craaaaaaaab SUNDAY!

guys I’m sorry. I did not enjoy goncharov. pls don’t kick me out.

Eh. It was very predictable. All the drama, with no real payoff.

THANK YOU! and i know some people are going to say that it’s predictable because so many of Scorsese’s tropes and habits stem from the same trauma he clearly wrote goncharov to address but that doesn’t mean it’s not…you know….kinda boring after watching all his later (better) work first sorry sorry not sorry

This is so sweet and only on tumblr do we get sincere advice along the lines of “I’m glad it feels nice but for the love of god please get away from the headache leaf”

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

“Okay but why is it always so chemically roundabout and unnecessarily complicated” well buddy, that’s because your blood is imitation seawater. See? It’s very simple.

Blood is what now?

It’s imitation seawater what part is confusing

#are you telling me#humans are just sentient aquariums? 

Buddy if anything is living in your blood (except for more parts of you) in detectable amounts then you have a serious microbial infection and need to go to the hospital.

Humans are seawater wastelands kept sterile of all but human cells, with microbial mats coating their surfaces.

Thank you that’s…very disturbing

It’s not my fault you’re human.

Ok but “It’s not my fault you’re human.” Is the best comeback ever.

You can use it against anyone except children that you biologically helped to create.

#/blood is imitation seawater/ is the part that’s confusing 

Picture this: you are a Thing That Lives In The Ocean. Some kind of small multicellular animal a long time ago, before proper circulatory systems existed. “Wow,” you think, metaphorically, “it sure is difficult to diffuse chemicals across my whole body. Kinda puts a hard limit on the size and distance of what specialised organs I can have. Good thing I have all this water around me that’s the same salinity as my cells (they have to be that way so I don’t explode or shrivel up) so I can diffuse and filter chemicals with that.”

“Wait a minute,” you say a couple of generations later, because you’re not actually a small animal but an evolutionary process personified and simplified to the point of dangerous inaccuracy for the purposes of a Tumblr post, “instead of losing all these important chemicals to the water around me, how about I put it in tubes? I can keep MY water separate from the rest of the world’s water! Anything I want to keep goes in my water! Anything I don’t, I dump back into the outside water! I’m a genius! An unthinking natural trial-and-error process that’s a GENIUS!”

“Wow,” you think a great many generations later, “being able to have such control over such high concentrations of important chemicals is so great. Look how big I’m getting. I even have a special pump to move my seawater around, and these cool filter systems to keep the chemicals in it right, and that control and chemical concentration has let me grow so many energy-intensive, highly specialised organs! Being big is so hard. I need special cells just to carry my oxygen around now, to make sure my enormous, constantly-operating body has enough of it.”

At this point you are embodying a fish, and eventually, fish start straying into water with different pressures and salinity levels. (I mean, they do that since befor ehty’er fish, but… look, I’m trying to keep things simple here.) “What the FUCK,” you think. “My inside water is at a different salinity and pressure to the outside water?? How am I supposed to deal with that? I can’t have freshwater inside my seawater tubes! My cells have a set salinity and they would explode! I need to start beefing up my regulatory and filter systems so that my inside seawater STAYS SEAWATER OF THE CORRECT SALINITY even if the outside water is different! Fortunately, adding salt to my seawater is a lot easier than removing it, and I want to be saltier than this weird outside water.” At this point you beef up your liver and urinary systems to compensate for different salinities. (Note: the majority of fish, freshwater and saltwater, have a fairly narrow band of salinities they can live in. Every fish doesn’t get to deal with every level of salinity; they are evolved to regulate within specific bands.)

You also, at some point, go out on land. This is new and weird because you have to carry all of your water inside. “It’s a good thing I turned myself into a giant bag of seawater,” you think. “If I wasn’t carrying my seawater inside, how would I transport all these important chemicals between my organs and the environment?” As you specialise to live entirely outside of the water, you realise (once again) that it’s a lot easier to add salt to water than to remove it in great quantities. Drinking seawater in large amounts becomes toxic; your body isn’t specialised for removing that amount of salt. Instead, you drink freshwater, and add salts to that. The majority of your organs are, at this point, specialised for moving your seawater around, protecting it, adding stuff to it, or taking stuff out. You have turned yourself into an intelligent bag for carrying and regulating a small amount of imitation seawater, and its salinity (and your commitment to maintaining that salinity) is based entirely on the seawater that some early animals started to build tubes around a long time ago.

And that’s what a human is!

Well, there’s another few steps, of course.

Because at some point, operating along lines of logic that worked out perfectly so far, you did decide to be a mammal.

A mammal is a machine for adapting to Circumstances. A mammal is a tremendously resilient all-terrain life-support system, with built-in heating, cooling, respiration, and incubators for reproduction. Mammals internalise everything (grudges, eggs) and furthermore are excessively, flamboyantly wet internally. Sure, everyone’s a bag of chemicals; but mammals slosh. Mammals took the concept of an internal ocean and took it in an unnecessarily splashy direction, added aftermarket mods and a climate-control system,

and just to show off, you leaned across the metaphorical gambling table and said: “my internal ocean is so good-“

“Bullshit,” said the shark, keeping it salty (ha)

“My internal ocean is so brilliantly resilient, more so than any of YOURS,” you said, holding their attention with a digit held aloft, “that for my next trick, I shall artistically recreate the ballad of evolution as a performance. I shall craft a complex chemical ballet depicting the origin of multicellular life - using some of my own material, of course-”

“Oh, ANYONE can lay an egg,” yodel the fish, and the ray adds: “ontogeny does NOT recapitulate phylogeny!!”

And you’re like, “yeah no, it’s an artistic rendition, not a literal thing. Basically I’m going to take some cells and brew them up-“

“Like an egg.”

“Like an egg. An egg but internally.”

“Yeah,” said the viviparous reptile, “yeah, like, that can work really well. I’ve always said it’s the highest test of one’s chemical know-how. It’s a lot of work. And forget about support from your family - forget about support from your PHYLUM - all you get is criticism.”

“I’m gonna do it on purpose forever,” you said. “The highest chemical, thermoregulatory, immunological, everything-logical challenge. It’s gonna be my thing.”

“I’m with you,” said a viviparous fish, stoutly. “Representation.”

You kindly don’t point out, once again, that you’re planning to do this outside the ocean, in a range of temperatures; carrying the dividing cells in a perfect 37.5• solution of saline broth in all terrains, breathing oxygen in a complicated matter, you know, bit more difficult; but you need your allies.

“It’s solid,” says the coelacanth.

“But is it metal?” says the deep-vent organism.

“Oh, it’s metal. I will feed the young,” you say, magnificently, “on an echo of the mother ocean. The first rich feast of cellular matter, the first hunt for sustenance, the first bite they sip of our liquid planet-”

Everyone waits.

“Will be a blood byproduct. My own blood byproduct.”

Everyone looks uncomfortable.

“But,” a hagfish says carefully, “don’t you outdoorsy guys still need your blood?”

You cough and explain that if you stay wet enough internally and hydrate frequently, you should be able to produce enough blood byproduct to sustain your hellish new invention until they can eat your peers.

The outrage that follows includes questions like “is this some furry shit?” And: “milk has WATER in it?”

And you won the bet. “My inner ocean is such a perfect homage to the primordial soup that I can personally cook up an entire live hairy mammal in it. And then generate excess blood byproduct from my body and give it to the small mammal until it gets big.”

That is an absolutely bonkers pitch, by the way, and everyone thought you were a showoff, even before the opposable thumbs. When the winter came, and the winter of winters, and the rain was acid and the air was poison on the tender shells of their eggs and choked the children in the shells; when the plants turned to poison, and the ocean turned against you all; when the climate changed, and the world’s children fell to shadow; your internal ocean was it that held true. A bet laid against the changing fates, a bet laid by a small beast against climate and geography and the forces of outer space, that you won. The dinosaurs fell and the pterosaurs fell and the marine reptiles dwindled, and you, furthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceship, held hope internally at 37.5 degrees. Which is another thing that humans do, sometimes.

and somehow thousands of years later i end up paying taxes. what the fuck

Writer Spotlight: Alexis Nedd

It's New Release Tuesday! We caught up with Alexis Nedd (@alexisthenedd) to talk about her debut novel, Don’t Hate The Player, which is out today. Alexis is a Brooklyn-based pop culture “fanthropologist” who has only ever loved things in a big, obsessive way. As the Senior Entertainment Reporter at Mashable.com, she covers television, movies, and video games, focusing on sci-fi and fantasy universes like Game of Thrones and the MCU. When she’s not writing for money, Alexis is writing for no money on her socials, where her feeds consist of deep dives on weird history and analyzing pop culture as an artifact of society.

Don’t Hate The Player is a YA romance novel that follows two competitive eSports players as they navigate school, parents, and other IRL stuff, while preparing for their biggest (and only) tournament yet. As real life and online life collide, both find the boundaries between online and IRL slipping into each other.

Can you start by telling us a little bit about Don’t Hate The Player?

In one corner, we have Emilia Romero, a popular, high-achieving Puerto Rican girl who secretly plays Guardians League Online with the elite Team Fury. No one in her real life knows she games, and everything hinges on it staying that way. In the other corner is Jake Hooper, a quiet, detrimentally empathetic nerd who’s had a crush on Emilia for years. He plays GLO with Team Unity and thinks he’s otherwise invisible.

When Guardians League Online announces a huge tournament in their city, Jake is shocked to see Emilia competing. Jake is now the only person who knows her secret, and they have to work together to keep it...all while the tournament brings their teams closer and closer to an ultimate Fury vs. Unity showdown.

Outwardly, Jake is an awkward, suffering bundle of anxiety, quite successfully hiding his integrity and wit. What was enjoyable/difficult about writing a neurodivergent romantic lead?

I started working on DHTP around the same time I learned I had ADHD. Getting that diagnosis as an adult ushered in a really strange and painful period of reevaluating my childhood, knowing that I was neurodivergent and didn’t get the help I needed. I gave a lot of the traits I used to think made me “wrong” or “bad”—the anxiety, the spinning thoughts, the self-deprecating coping mechanisms—to Jake because writing them into a lovable character felt like correcting the narrative I had grown up writing about myself.

It was difficult to excavate all of that because that level of self-evaluation totally sucks and takes forever, but by the end, I could look at Jake and think, “if I can’t hate him for feeling this way, I have no business hating myself for having felt that way.”

DHTP comes alive in its use of online gaming maps and chatrooms. How did you approach getting those virtual places right?

I made my first internet friends when cameras on phones or laptops were still rare, so I got to know a lot of people through chatrooms and forums. People’s personalities, real or constructed, come off so strongly in those rapid-fire conversations. That solved one of the problems I knew I’d have coming into this book—how do I introduce the reader to a group of characters who aren’t going to show up until the end and make them seem like part of the story the whole time? Answer: Spy on their group chat.

It was so fun to play all five roles in those chapters and determine who uses acronyms or memes, who always punctuates, what their in-jokes say about them, and so on. Truly some of my favorite parts of DHTP are in those chats.

Sexy Samuel L. Jackson 😎

Sexy adhd why is showering hard 😔