i have a pretty big issue with how people tend to assume the words “neediness”, “emotional manipulation”, and “abuse” all mean the same thing. like, someone with bpd who is texting you all the time and wanting you to guide them through their extreme emotions is emotionally needy. if they talk about wanting to kill themselves, they probably want to kill themselves, because they have bpd and that’s….kind of our thing.

i have a big guilt complex about “being manipulative” and my therapist was like…you know, in order to be manipulative you have to actually want to influence some kind of outcome. you’re expressing your emotions with whatever skills you have; it can be overwhelming, and people have the right to set boundaries around it, but it’s not an intentional act of manipulation. and then, like, manipulation is something people do all the time- sometimes for survival. abusers use manipulation, absolutely. abused people also have to carefully manipulate situations in order to navigate getting the validation, care, and sometimes even basic necessities they need inside of an abusive relationship. when you learn that asking for what you need directly gets you ignored or punished, you have to find roundabout ways. is this something it’s good to work on? absolutely, it’s a maladaptive coping skill that can cause damage in non-abusive relationships. but it’s not inherently abuse. abuse is when you use emotional manipulation in an attempt to control another person. this power dynamic is really crucial, because otherwise we come to the conclusion that everyone who needs help but doesn’t know how to ask for it effectively (which describes part of my bpd experience, at least) is the same as the people who hurt them in the first place. and that’s….awful

oh my god I love this post so much? half of the things people are calling “abuse” on this website are situations in which people don’t know how to deal w mentally ill ppl who are displaying Less Desireable symptoms (especially folks like us w bpd)

I have seen literal call out posts where the so called “receipts” are just people venting on personal blogs//being suicidal etc

it disgusts me and I hate this idea that being mentally ill and expressing your feelings is abusive it’s incorrect and people are doing it to shame others and serve their own purpose *retches*

En Anglais, on ne dit pas “quatre vingt dix neuf”, on dit “ninety nine” qu'on pourrait traduire comme “Hurr durr, regardez moi, j'ai un système de numérotation fonctionnel” et je crois que c'est magnifique.

Your child pours all the toothpaste into the sink.  Your kid cuts their own hair.  Your baby gets into your lipstick and decides to put it on the dog.  Your child cries because their crush doesn’t like them.  That’s kids will be kids.

Your child calls other children homophobic, racist, or misogynistic slurs.  Your child steals or tells other children that they’re not allowed to play in certain areas.  Your kid punches their crush when that child doesn’t reciprocate their feelings.  That is NOT “kids will be kids” and you as the parent or teacher need to put a stop to it. 

Women should NOT be forced to feed their babies in a bathroom, all because we live in a misogynistic, porn-warped society that’s been brainwashed to believe that female breasts used for anything other than male pleasure is “indecent”. Support public breast feeding and end the porn culture.

Forever reblog

No. I’m eating. I don’t wanna see you hang out your goddamn tits while I have food. My kids don’t wanna see it. It’s not some misogynistic ideal, it’s fucking public indecency. Can I take my cock out under the table and feed my wife/girlfriend? No? Fuck you

i genuinely cannot believe that you just compared a blowjob to breastfeeding oh my fucking god 

getting a blowjob is a sexual thing and it also does not ‘feed’ anyone whereas breastfeeding is literally not even a sexual thing a baby is having food that they need to live like it’s nowhere near on the same level as getting a blowjob omg

if you are uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding then that is your problem because you have oversexualised breasts so much that you can’t even stand seeing them being used for their actual purpose and also you’re an idiot

go eat your dinner in a public bathroom, you trash bag

End skeevy dudes who compare whipping out their dick in public to breast feeding 2k15

DO YOU FEED YOUR CHILDREN SEMEN? SHOVE A TRASH CAN UP YOUR ASS

Pediatric anthropology student, here.

1.) Breasts as sexual fetishes is a (largely Western) cultural construction. Yes, it’s a fetish – anything you are sexually attracted to that is not the genitals of an adult is a fetish, or paraphilia. My professors have met non-Westerners who think our men are “like babies” because they are attracted to breasts.

Breasts ≠ genitals. Scientifically, they are considered secondary sexual characteristics – same category as facial hair. They can be sexual in a sexual context, just as necks and feet can be. But their primary purpose is reproductive.

2.) Breastmilk is not a “bodily fluid.” It is FOOD.

It is not categorized by the CDC as a biohazard, and so no you don’t need to freak out if your coworker wants to store her milk right next to your Lunchables.

MOREOVER,

Breastmilk is not just protein and vitamins. It is a living, dynamic substance that BUILDS HUMANS.

It has hundreds of ingredients (<— actually that list needs to be updated because they’ve discovered more already). There is a lab at the University of Washington St. Louis, where they have written all of the ingredients of human milk on the wall – They have run out of room on that wall. Among those ingredients:

These ingredients change hour-to-hour according to the baby’s needs. It will even add more water on hot/dry days. Fuck, breastmilk kills cancer in a petri dish. Breastmilk. is. not. a. bodily. fluid. It. is. liquid. gold. 3.) When you tell a woman to go to the bathroom to breastfeed, you are perpetuating the notion that it is dirty and shameful and needs to be hidden away. This idea is the biggest barrier to achieving breastfeeding goals in the United States. Because women feel ashamed, they often stay isolated at home when they should be spending time out and about with friends and family and having, like, a life. This isolation can contribute to postpartum depression. From the Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding: Women may find themselves excluded from social interactions when they are breastfeeding because others are reluctant to be in the same room while they breastfeed. For many women, the feeling of embarrassment restricts their activities and is cited as a reason for choosing to feed supplementary formula or to give up breastfeeding altogether. And since we have this culture of shame and privacy surrounding breastfeeding, young girls and women don’t see it enough to learn what is normal/not and how to do it, so they often give up when they run into problems because they don’t realize there’s an easy fix. Moreover, an infant needs to be integrated into society in order to develop properly. He/she needs to see faces and hear voices. Isolating them – or throwing a blanket over their head – takes this important component of their development away. It also often annoys them because they are understimulated. 4.) YOU NEED TO SEE IT. That’s right, YOU. Even if you are a dude. Maybe you aren’t a parent, but you probably have loved ones who are. Or you might become one yourself someday. And if you are American chances are you have no idea how breastfeeding actually works, because you never fucking see it. It’s messy and complicated, and hard. It used to be a part of everyday life, because there weren’t any alternatives – So we learned how to do it by being around it all the time, NBD. The whole sexualization/modesty thing surrounding breasts wasn’t a thing until like the mid-20th century. Check out this 1871 drawing of a woman breastfeeding IN FUCKING CHURCH:

She’s covered head to toe, in accordance with modesty standards of the time – except for her breast, about which the people around her give zero fucks. More from the Surgeon General: In American culture, breasts have often been regarded primarily as sexual objects, while their nurturing function has been downplayed. Although focusing on the sexuality of female breasts is common in the mass media, visual images of breastfeeding are rare, and a mother may never have seen a woman breastfeeding. Mothers need to see it. Future mothers need to see it. Future fathers need to see it. Family members need to see it. Everybody needs to see it. SO THEY FUCKING GET USED TO IT. So, no, I’m not gonna go to the bathroom to feed my kid. If you don’t want to see it, then DON’T. FUCKING. LOOK.

It happened...

I bought cloth diapers. I wanted to so badly with Levi but I felt so overwhelmed while researching them. But I did it. I just bought some covers and inserts (disposable and reusable) and I’m going to try. I feel like a moron sitting here reading the packages though. Somebody help!

We're currently using a newborn-sized rental of fitteds and covers and plan to use flats, prefolds, and covers (plus maybe some homemade wool?) in the future. We are using baby washcloths and cut-up t-shirts as wipes. Coconut oil and shea butter as diaper rash prevention and treatment, since desitin will make the liners stop absorbing.

Don't use fabric softener or dryer sheets, use a normal amount of detergent, don't put PUL in the dryer. We use Country Save detergent because of hard water and sensitive skin, but others use Tide without issue.

Let me know how things go!