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Doc Clouds 👨‍⚕️☁️

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Claude | 22 | Filipino | Philippines | Ireland | Sweden | Bee's | 1st year MD student | Good things come to those who wait, but better things comes to those who try.
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Malaya

Relasyon na akala mo kayo na hanggang dulo. Mga oras na magkasama na parang di na matatapos. Magsusumpaan na kayo na habangbuhay hawak kamay at Araw-araw umaasa na kayo parin. Kayo lang. Pero ang di nyo alam may tuldok pala ang inyong storya. Ang relasyon na iningatan may dulo at katapusan.

Hindi pala.

Wala pala.

Matatapos din pala na parang pelikula.

Sa araw araw na pagtingin mo sa isang direksyon, sa direksyon na kayong dalawa, di mo namalayan na may isang pinto na pala na nag aabang na pumasok ka, pintong alam na masasaktan ka lang, pinto na mababawasan ang oras ng sakit, pinto ng tama na.

Mga tinik na halos ikamatay mo na sa sakit,

Sakit ng nawalang pangako,

Sakit ng oras na nilaan,

Sakit sa alaalang kasama sya,

Sakit sa mga planong nasira,

Sakit dahil wala na sya.

Yung pinto na sanay binuksan pero di nagsisi na di namalayan. Dahil pagmamahalan may natapos ngunit ang mga ngiting natanggap at binigay ay walang kapantay. Masakit. Sobrang sakit na Ang kamay na kala moy di mawawala ay mahahawakan ng iba. Masakit pero kailangan bitawan, masakit pero kailangan kalimutan. Masasanay na lang ako na ang dating tinatawag kong ‘mahal’ eh ngayon parang wala nalang.

Masakit.

Mahirap.

Wala na.

Tapos na.

Malaya na tayong dalawa.

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My feelings are all coming back.

 It hurts so bad, so I open my notebook to write. I will write again my stories, problems, pains and all the things that deeply hurt me. I will write again so that it can help me to ease my thoughts and weariness.

 But I stopped, I stopped because I opened the page that made me remember my suffering. My suffering back then.

 My chest hurts. I think I’m going numb again. It hurts like it used to. I can’t believe that I feel the same way. I thought I moved on.

 I thought.

 My knees became weak, my eyes filled up with tears..I see myself sobbing in the corner again. I hate this notebook, I hate it but I can’t take it off of my hands. I flipped the pages then I read and read. I wanted to stop but I can’t. Until I finished all the pages.

 Why is it back? Why? What did I just do?

 I can feel it in my veins, the sadness within me; the struggles I’ve done, the people I’ve lost, the dreams that I won’t reach, disappointments…everything flashes back in my mind and it makes me want to vomit and run away.

 Gone. Disappear. Stop. Darkness. Disappointments. Kill. Hopeless. Die.

 My writings are filled with those words. My heart beating faster, my mind can’t focus, I can feel the darkness again.

 Inside.

 Stop.

 Please.

 I ripped all the pages. I ripped all of it, but my feelings are still the same.

 I burnt it, but my old writings start to invade my mind.

 I want it to end but it won’t.

 “Help me.” I whisper.

 But yes I know no one will ever hear me, no one will ever listen. No one will be there, because who wants to add more burden in their lives.

 Not you, not even myself.

 So I chose to fake it all again. Deny my true feelings even though I’m truly, madly dying inside, smile everytime like there’s no problem, be cheerful and joke all the time  despite knowing I’m the biggest joke in my own story.

 Fake… Everyday.. 100% lies.

 I just want hope even my mind keeps telling me I’m the most hopeless person. I wish to all the stars in the sky to help me, to guide me. I also pray really hard just to be okay again, just be okay.

 Because now, my life is a mess and I still don’t know how to get out of this labyrinth of suffering. But someday.. I know someday it will end.

 For now, I will hold my pen and write in my new notebook.

-Old self,Old notebook

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College | Sweden

Looking back, 3 years flew by so fast, but living through those years were very hard for me. I moved to Sweden far away from my family to go to college. I didn't know anyone, it was a new environment from me, I was far from my family and friends. I longed for them, I dreaded everyday and looked forward to the holidays. I got to say I wasn't really happy moving here. I felt lonely, I felt alone. But I am still lucky and blessed that I was getting support from my friends, family and especially my girlfriend who was there for me everyday. I felt less lonely because of them. I didn't really get to make friends because.. I don't know actually, maybe knowing the fact that they wouldn't stay in my life long-term cause I will eventually move out. But it was still my fault for not really trying, I became anti-social and introvert here (more introvert) well yes I do talk to people in class but I don't hang out with them outside the university, I didn't get myself attached to them because I'd speak to new sets of people the next month (sweden's system is weird, 1 module per month or 2 months.) The place is pretty boring too, nothing to do, clubbing is the only thing students do here for fun, and I only barely do that. So yeah, despite those things though, I have learned a lot. I became more independent, I had a very long time knowing myself, and getting to know myself. Tbh, thinking about it, my stay here was somehow like a business thing to me, came here to do what I needed to do, I didn't have any personal attachment to this place. And somehow, I liked the experience of living alone too, since I had the freedom to do anything I want. I will miss the quiet, peaceful and calm ambiance of Sweden though. Oh and the no traffic and pollution feels 😂 kudos Sweden, thanks for the 3 years. Pre-med done! ✔️ I'm off to a new chapter in life and a new adventure, hopefully this time it's a good and a better one, well I am moving to the 'more fun' place on earth 😏 See you in 5 days Philippines 😁

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Application in Med School

I applied in DLSHSI on Feb 2017. They sent me an interview schedule 2 weeks after, but they still needed my GPA/GWA document to do the interview. So I got my university to make me one and convert my grades (Sweden has no such grading system). When I sent the document to them they scheduled me for a skype interview on March 23, 2017. Medj bangag ako nun cause 5am dito ung interview. I don’t remember much from it and how I answered 😂 but I think they asked about my study habits, why I chose La Salle, my hobbies and many more I can’t recall, but we had the interview for 30-40mins. 😂

Then the day came, they send me an email as soon as the weekend was over, on the 27th of March. I opened the letter and it said ‘Congratulations… Welcome to Medicine Batch 2021’ 😁🎉 It was a monday and definitely a good one. My dad reserved my slot the next day 🎉🎉

'Welcome to Batch 2021’ sarap ulit ulitin basahin 😁

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Gonna start writing up on this blog soon. All about my new life moving back in the Philippines and starting my med journey. I’m finishing my premed course in 2 weeks time, currently doing my thesis and just did my last final exam of this course last saturday. Woo. I still have a presentation about my thesis on may 31st, it’s like a defense I think 😂 I just don’t want to jinx everything so I’ve been keeping quiet about my medical school process so far.

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Anonymous asked:

Kung so corazon and unang aswang, pangilan ka?

sumunod sayo :)) hahaha

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Hindi naman lahat ng biyahe ng eroplano suwabe eh. May mga turbulence na dadating. Hindi din lahat ng biyahe ng barko suwabe, may mga panahon na dadaan sa matinding alon bago makadating sa destinasyon neto. Ganun din ung mga pangarap ko. Madaming problema at pagsubok ang dadating. Pero ang mahalaga hindi ako susuko, lalaban ako at kakayanin ko makarating at maabot lang ung mga pangarap ko.

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It's scary how little things you say or do can greatly affect someone, that sometimes I think that it's better to just stay quiet.

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Alam kong nasabi ko na to pero the best talaga girlfriend ko. Haaays 😌❤️ I love you so much. Kaya to! Laban lang ng laban. Kapit lang 😁

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wnq-writers
I have to confess I’m obsessed with your past, love. I want to know how you became you. I want to consume the facts and fiction that make you. How did your favorite food become your favorite food? Why do you hate sleeping with the lights off? When did you stop kissing your parents goodnight? Where do you go home when home doesn’t feel like home? How many friends are in your Lost and Found box? Which lies are you proudest of? Which fears do you wear like a shield? Who broke your heart first, and did it ever heal? Whose lips felt the truest? Who what where when how why who what where when how why who what where when how why? Burn your history on my mind.
Source: wnq-writers
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