My coming out story.

This may come as a surprise to some of you who know me but I am not gay, I am pansexual.

More than 10 years ago I learned a person can be attracted to both genders. My world was both opened and closed at the same time. Opened because I finally found a name for the way I felt. It meant I was not alone. Closed because this new identity came with a lot of hate and oppression attached. I changed my orientation on my MySpace and my mother found out. This resulted in a poor relationship between my parents and I for about 4 years as we struggled to learn how to interact with eachother now. I felt freed but awful. I finally felt like I could be myself but at what cost? I became depressed and self destructive and after coming dangerously close to a suicide attempt, I decided to move back in with my parents after being on my own for more than a year. I knew I couldn't put my family through something like that even though we didn't have a good relationship and there was still so much I had yet to do.

It was hard for the first year and half. Things remained tense, but then something changed. My uncle who's daughter came out as a lesbian a year before began to talk to her again. When asked why he said "because she is still the same person". It was then that my mother and I began to understand eachother. My dad and I didn't start to get along until I started to date a girl. We were together a year before she broke up with me. It was with her I learned about being "pansexual". Being pan means you don't see gender, you are attracted to the person. I thank my parents every day for loving me no matter what. They are the reason I am still here.

In this world where it seems everyone is out to get you, we must stand strong. Own your faults and celebrate who you are. Never give up hope and carry on. Life doesn't always get better. But it gets easier. So learn from your mistakes, hold your head up high, and love yourself.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." -Dr. Seuss

Let your light shine bright and happy coming out day.

Charles Horton Cooley

A bright light in a dark world.

As a young boy I was very awkward and didn't fit in well with others. I was shy and unsure of myself and was an easy target for bullies. I was ostracized, belittled, called names. I actually believed I was unattractive and worthless. It took me years of hating myself and wanting to find a quick way out before I found a glimmer of hope, a series of events spanning 5 years that put me on the path to recovery. Looking back on it all I don't regret anything or wish things went differently, I am who I am because of what I've been through and I'm stronger for it. I can now share my wisdom with others in the hope that I can shed a little light in sombody's dark world. When I was young my mother told me my favourite quote from Ghandi: "Be the change you wish to see in the world". Since then I've chosen to live my life by these words. Now I not only feel good about myself for the first time in my life but I can share my light with others in both a metaphorical way and a physical way through my art as a lighting designer, bringing feeling and life to people with the help of other's art light music and dance. I could never expect to change a person's life entirely but if I can transport them from a dark world for a day, an hour, a moment, I can say I've made a difference.

Another Year, Another Milestone.

At every turn, a new surprise. If anyone asked me a few years ago if I thought I could pull off a professional level show like the one I just did, I would have called them crazy. Sure I aspire to it but my self-doubt constantly gets the better of me. This year my resolution has become to have more confidence in my abilities and myself. Like the convention itself, my abilities have grown exponentially and with every show I get better. Biggest Little Fur Con 2017 was my 3rd time designing lights for an event of this size. I was nervous because a lot could go wrong and a lot did! I was determined to design a show that would put this rapidly rising con on the map and despite several issues that nearly crippled the show, the reactions and comments people had about the production brought me to tears, I was so happy. I am forever grateful for my friends and community without whom I would not not be where I am today. Such an amazing group of people I have the privilege of working with who helped bring this show out of catastrophe and kept us looking like it was all part of the plan. My future is bright and I cant wait to share it with all of you <3

Walks at twilight (at Point Isabel Dog Park)

On fox of the world