flawed design

i’m pretty sure nobody will even see this since this blog has little followers and is pretty inactive but it’s worth a shot. i am short $300 which i need by the end of June 2022 for rent and other bills, i can’t afford food but at this point idc. i can’t afford my rent, my utilities or my medication and I am BEGGING please if someone could contribute something, anything, even $1 i would appreciate it so so so much. I’ve been crying over this nonstop to the point where each day taking my own life seems more and more like my only option

i only have paypal since venmo and cashapp aren’t a thing in my country

paypal

Feels like every time I come back to this graveyard of a blog it’s to announce another diagnosis. This one I am really struggling to process. I already have four diagnosed mental illnesses, I’m over playing pokemon with the DSM-V. As if anxiety, ednos, borderline personality disorder and bipolar II aren’t enough. 

Yesterday I got diagnosed with ADHD, combined type. Psychiatrist looked at my old school records and said symptoms were evident as a child, and said he was confident that the symptoms I have aren’t the result of my other collection of mental illnesses. The psychiatrist specialises in adult ADHD and mainly only sees patients with ADHD for assessment/treatment. He also said it sounds like I have a lot of autistic traits too, but an assessment for that here is thousands of dollars so I’m not even going to bother investigating that. 

But yeah, anyway, guess I can add ADHD to the list. Getting prescribed Vyvanse next month (have to have a bunch of tests first) hopefully it helps. I’m up to 225mg of lamotrigine and haven’t really noticed a difference, although the other psychiatrist said I might not notice effects until 300mg. Ugh. 

I just want to feel not this.