Officer

you know who it is

What does this even mean

It means you McPress McF to McPay McRespects

a Look: topless w high waisted jeans

i eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous

[slides nasa $20] so, tell me about the aliens

MY MANZ

somebody: so what do u like to do for fun? :)

me, very used to being mocked for my interests: ha ha, i dunno, i don’t do anything. Ever

On the Pottermore website, J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop. There’s an excerpt about the Chamber of Secrets that says wizards didn’t need toilets because they ‘simply relieved themselves where they stood, and vanished the evidence.’ Source Source 2

i fucking hate jk rowling so much because years and years after this franchise has ended she is still continuing trying to make it bad to the point where she said that every character in harry potter canonically shits themselves and then casts a shit vanishing spell 

fuck this is b a d

This reminds me of the hufflepuff group masturbation tweets

The what?

Just imagine you’re taking a test for potions with Snape and the guy sitting next to you just fucking shits himself the nastiest, slimiest shit of his life out of stress. And you literally have to sit there with a straight face while fuckin Todd JingleJangles cleans himself up in the dead quiet room with some stupid ass line like “vanish me poopum” and you just gotta live with the knowledge that some kid just shit himself beside you during a fucking test.

MBMaBM Fan: Have you watched MBMBM?

Me: Nah bro I’m not Gay

MBMaBM Fan: What?

Me: You talking about Man Booty Man Butt ass Butt Man?

Gay culture is having Schrödinger’s unconditional love from your parents before coming out.

That’s the best description i’ve seen of it

due to personal reasons, i am gay

God u know when ur sleepy drunk or high and ur trying to plug the charger into your phone but you keep missing the phones pussy like stay PUT

the phone’s WHAT?

ITS