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trevin james//16//nyc
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tahachalisa
You’ll be in the passenger seat of the car I dreamed of having, except I won’t be driving. Another man whose musky cologne seems to have soaked into every fabric of the car, of your clothes, and whose eyes are filled with lust as he looks at you, will be sitting there. Your nose twitches, and your heart begs to smell my smell again, to get out of the car and run to me. I’ll be miles, countries away, resting my head on the dashboard of a beaten pick up truck, looking up at the glowing white moon and wondering if you’re looking at it too. I’ll inhale and feel the burn in my lungs that I had stopped inflicting for you. But now you’ve gone home with that man, and when you walk in you’ll see pictures of you two, symbolizing the years you have wasted with him. Your mind drifts to the memory of you pushing me away that last time while he pours you a glass of cheap wine. Holding back tears that you have no explanation for you drink all of it. He’ll talk to you and the words will aimlessly float into the air because the only sound that your ears are truly yearning for is of my voice. I’ll be on the seventh death stick of the night, hoping it takes me away. A girl just as broken as me will open the creaking, rusty door and sit next to me. For a while I won’t acknowledge her presence and she’ll ask me stupid questions to try and forget what I know she’s thinking about, to try and help me forget what she knows I’m thinking about. And he’ll throw your soft gentle naked body onto the cold bed sheets and make love to you. When he is done he rolls off of you and falls asleep without even so much as a kiss on the cheek. And you’ll wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and search the room for my warm presence but only hear the loud snoring from him and the empty feeling will return. After that day you’ll be strong enough to push our memories away until it comes back again years from then, while you’re sitting in a different car, with a different man…

by Taha Chalisa  (via tahachalisa)

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