The best trio to ever trio

you have to understand.. sally dropped a match in a discarded, eaten ice cream sundae. you're supposed to give the best part of your meal to the gods, the thing you'll miss the most, and she took a sundae that wasn't even hers and dropped a match in it and didn't even pray out loud but poseidon showed up IMMEDIATELY. LIKE HE'D BEEN WAITING FOR HER TO SUMMON HIM. and they didn't even look at each other but you could tell how much they love each other and he said he'll listen!!!!!!!! she doesn't have kind things to say about his family BUT HE'LL LISTEN TO HER!!!! and he'll laugh with her! just a little! it's all he can allow himself to do!!! and he'll give in just a little and look at her, but she won't look at him, but she'll ask him anyway, "do you want to talk to him?" AND HE'LL WANT TO SAY YES BUT HE CAN'T HE HOLDS HIMSELF BACK BUT HE SAYS THAT WHEN THEIR SON NEEDS HIM THE MOST HE'LL BE BY HIS SIDE!!! and when their son is a little older poseidon gives him pearls that bring him to MONTAUK, the place where he MET SALLY. TO A PLACE THAT FEELS LIKE HOME. AND PERCY HAS ALL THE POWER OF THE SEA BEHIND HIM WHEN HE FIGHTS ARES. andthenandthenandTHEN! poseidon has his back AGAIN when he stops THEE LORD ZEUS FROM STRIKING PERCY DOWN WITH HIS MASTER BOLT. AND HE SURRENDERS!!!!! HE.SUR RENDERDC. TO ZEUS. FOR PERCY. AND THEN PERCY USED HIS VERY LIMITED FACE TO FACE TIME WITH HIS FATHER TO ASK HIM "DO YOU DREAM?" AND WHEN POSEIDON SAYS HE DOES, PERCY ASKS "DO YOU EVER DREAM ABOUT MOM?" DO. YOU. EVER. DREAM. ABOUT. MOM???????? THE UNSPOKEN, "DO YOU DREAM ABOUT ME TOO?" AND POSEIDON CANNOT SPEAK THE WORD OUT LOUD BUT HIS FACE IS SAYING, YES. YES OF COURSE I DREAM ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, ABOUT YOU, I HAVE DREAMT ABOUT YOU SINCE THE DAY I HAD TO LET YOU GO. AND HE'S HOLDING PERCY'S FACE, HOLDING HIS SON FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE HE WAS A BABY AND NOT SAYING ANYTHING BUT ALSO SAYING EVERYTHING AND THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME, THEY ARE BOTH OF THE SEA, AND THE SEA DOESN'T LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED BUT RIGHT NOW, IT HAS TO BE. AND AT THE END PERCY GOES BACK TO MONTAUK, BACK TO WHERE POSEIDON MET SALLY, BACK TO HIS MOM, BACK TO HIS HOME BESIDE THE SEA AND I'M LOSING IT!! DO YOU SEE?? DO YOU UNDERSTAND???

yeah as soon as I wake up no longer fatigued for the first time in my life I'll be set

Imagine showing up to work one day and people are like "jesus fucking christ there's a corpse in here", herd you to the back room and everyone who sees you also agrees that there is now a dead body where you are sitting, with the appropriate amount of shock and disgust about it. You figure it's some kind of a prank that they're pulling, but also the people that you know aren't into pranks, or aren't very good actors, are treating you like a corpse. They go weirdly back and forth between talking about you as if you're not there, and politely asking you to stay still while they figure out who you're supposed to call in case of a dead body randomly appearing.

Paramedics show up, study you thoroughly and agree that while they can't see any apparent sign of death, you are, indeed, dead, and ask you to climb aboard the ambulance. You're taken to the temporary corpse storage that hospitals have.

On the way there you ask them whether this kind of shit happens often, and while they won't look at you, the paramedics agree that they've never had a talking corpse before, though they won't question the fact that you're moving on your own.

You're eventually led to a morgue, where you're shown a slab to lay on, and at this point you don't really even question it, you just climb onto the Corpse Shelf and lay down, maybe have a little nap, with no idea what's going to happen next.

Then you wake up to someone walking into the morgue, who has the shit scared out of them when you move, and they're like "dude what the fuck, you're not supposed to be here, this place is for storing dead bodies" and when you're like "aw man sorry I thought I was a dead body" they have no idea whether you're joking and they don't care, you're just chased out of there.

And you just kinda go home and take a shower, show up to work normally the next day and nobody questions it.

And basically that's probably how those ants feel when scientists spray them with the Pheromone That Dead Ants Smell Like, and just hang out at the dead-ant-pile until the smell wears off.

I was waiting to find out what social issue this was going to be a metaphor for, so that ending really punched me in the face.

theres not a single fucking program id want to run on startup. as soon as i turn on my computer i want quiet silence to stare at my desktop wallpaper for a bit. if anythint else pops up im shooting it on sight

writer’s block (dry) = no desire to write, no ability to write (bearable)

writer’s block (wet) = HUGE desire to write, no ability to write (very evil)

writer's block (damp) = no desire to write, HUGE opportunity (very annoying)

Hey check out how hard i ca]

You know who else ca]

its not that hard guys, wat]

[n portal through posts 😁

[n portal through posts 😁?

[ch- wait... guys???

sheesh

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

it’ll never fail to amaze me that chessex, the game dice company - like if you bought your first dice set from a game store/comic shop/card shop you most certainly bought a chessex set - has such an ugly and poorly designed website. it looks like they went out of business 15 years ago.

i don’t know what’s better, the fact that they only sell five different things and felt like they needed a site map, the single uk location with the giant union jack, or simply the times new roman header which reads:

“The coolest dice on the planet.”  ™

THEY HAVEN’T UPDATED THEIR WEBSITE IN TEN YEARS????

my mistake, literally every single page you click on has a different copyright date. so far I’ve seen 2001, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2011, and most recently 2012. amazing. well done chessex.

BUT LANA HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO ORDER DICE?????

you….you have to email them your order form. oh, gods. you…have to type your credit card information. into an email. so they can charge you seven dollars in shipping or 7% of the total order cost if it’s over $100. fuck. if you have questions about the cost of air shipping, you can fax them anytime. jesus christ. oh gods. fuck. fuck me up. chessex. the coolest dice on the planet.  ™

this is another reason why I let my friendly local store make my chessex orders for me

Me: The Chessex website isn’t real and can’t hurt me:

The Chessex website:

The best part is that this is literally by design

amazing

oh my god

Regarding my last post on the subject:

ok at this point I'm mildly curious so i wanna ask

Zepotha will never be Goncharov because when it comes down to it, tumblr culture is collaborative, while tiktok culture is merely iterative, and those are not the same thing.

Op I refuse to let your tags stay in the tags cause THIS!!!!!

new thing i learned just now: in like 400 AD there was a monk named simeon stylites who used to live in a one room cell with a window but too many people kept bugging him for religious advice, so he climbed to the top of a pillar and shackled himself to it until he died 37 years later.

this became a cool new trend to the point where there were enough pillar monks of varying viewpoints that they would scream at each other all day