Call Me Goddess

— Oscar Wilde (via minuty)

Don’t trust morning you. Morning you is a dick. Morning you would sell your loved ones if it got them 5 minutes of extra sleep

maybe morning me wouldn’t be such a dick if that flaky bitch evening me had gone to bed instead of tumblring til butts oclock int he morning

Well evening me might have fallen asleep at a reasonable hour if that dumbass afternoon me hadn’t lain down for a “little nap” that lasted four hours.

Playing til’ the cows come home.. https://twitter.com/HeidiStea/status/970626640853139456/video/1

i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

And there will be nights when your life will fall apart and no one will notice the mornings you spend putting it back together.

“Cars kill more people than guns! What’re you gonna do, regulate cars next?”

You idiot. You moron. You utter buffoon.

Cars ARE regulated. 

The permit test. The permit. The practice year. The regulations on how many hours you have to drive and at what hours and with whom. The driving test. The license. The requirements regarding insurance. License renewals. Road laws. Highway laws. Speed limits. Seatbelt laws. Carseat laws. Laws against drinking and driving and other forms of intoxication. Red lights. Not passing in intersections. Right of way.

WHO can drive and WHEN and HOW and WHERE are all regulated, because yes, a car in the wrong hands can kill a person. Just like a gun.

Oh but wait, there’s more!

I, as a licensed driver, can’t drive anything I want. I can’t drive a motorcycle. I can’t drive a speedboat.

You know what else I can’t drive? One of these.

To drive a semi-truck, I would need a Commercial Driver’s License or CDL. There are age limits involved, as well as required hours of training and study. There’s a written test and a driving test. There are also medical requirements.

And even if I passed all that, you know what I STILL couldn’t drive? One of these.

To drive a semi loaded with hazardous materials, you would have to get a federal H endorsement added to your CDL. And to get that, you have to jump through even MORE hoops, including another written test and a background check.

So yeah, guns should be better regulated. Any Joe Blow shouldn’t be able to stagger down to a gun show and get himself a sweet piece without some oversight. 

And ESPECIALLY no one should be getting their hands on a semi-automatic assault rifle like an AR-15, aka the Hazardous Semi Truck of guns. There are professional reasons that a person might need clearance to handle and own such a weapon, but not a civilian. Not an unscreened rando off the street.

Try not to be such an utter wanker that you place the mere potential of a power-boner over the lives of actual children like those killed in Parkland, Sandy Hook, and elsewhere.

There’s also the fact that if I fuck up and injure, or even KILL someone with my vehicle, or another person’s vehicle, or a vehicle I’m not even supposed to drive in the first place- I CAN AND WILL BE PUNISHED FOR THAT.  I will be made responsible for that damage/death.  Insurance exists to help cover the costs of damages- both to cars and people.  If my negligence with a vehicle leads to someone’s injury or death- my access to vehicles in the future WILL BE COMPROMISED.   .

So yes… we do regulate cars.  We also regulate the DAMAGE CAUSED BY THOSE WHO DRIVE THEM.

also, cars are meant for transportation. sure they can kill people but their sole purpose is not to kill. a gun’s ONLY PURPOSE is to maim or kill its target. you can’t take a road trip on a gun or load up a gun with groceries. fuck outta here with this bullshit comparison.

dumb idiot thinks I’m holding food, more at 7

Good way to end the day

“You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.”, I know plenty of people who deeply and romantically care about a person but don’t quite like themselves all too much. But what I find is that their relationships tend to be problematic. For example, they may settle for abusive relationships because they don’t think they’re deserving of more. Or they may take out their insecurities on their partner making it an unhealthy relationship.

Steve Maraboli | @wnq-quotes

Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

(via wordsnquotes)

“Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked up girl who’s looking for her own peace of mind.”

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) dir. Michel Gondry

Me: *shows basic human decency to cashier

Cashier: ??!?! Thank you! You’re the nicest person ever!

Me: are you ok

Reblog if politeness to retail and service workers is important to you.

honestly 

#GetTinaThick2017

I’m convinced he a nature demigod or be using pheromones

(via hplyrikz)

It’s not pre-marital sex if you never intend to marry.