Them: yall talk?

Me: nah i’m getting played, why wassup?

me giving relationship advice: dump him lol

ahaha holy fuck

Jack Nicholson: HEEERE’S JOHNNY! [kitty sticks his lil head through as woman screams in background]

this cat has an impeccable sense of comedic timing.

I live for girls realizing their worth, demanding the respect they deserve and cutting off anything that brings negativity into their lives.

*tries to watch football*

live fast, die young, be wild, and have fun

Your phone rings. The number looks familiar. You pick up to hear your own voice asking you for help.

“i need your help”

“bitch me too the fuck”

then hang up

I probably wouldn’t even notice it was me

i had 7 days to study for 1 test and i: didn’t