Also i tried to start writing my acknowledgements today and got through a quarter of a page before I started tearing up lol
I blocked all my distracting websites so I literally had to open an incognito window and remember my fucking password all so i could get on here and say: i'm submitting my dissertation in 12 days and two weeks after that I will defend and then i'm out this bitch! i have so much to do before then and i'm not gonna get a lot of of sleep but i don't give a shit. I'm for real almost done. I've been a student my entire adult life so i'm excited (and nervous) to figure out who I am when I'm not in school.
I can already tell i'm gonna be a weepy mess at my defense and commencement. y'all just don't know what i went through. (well, you do. i complain constantly but you don't know how it felt lmao)
I'm done with talk therapy. At least for a while. what is the point of pushing myself to an unnatural (for me) level of vulnerability when my fucking therapist is gonna act worse than some of my abusers lmao
I literally can't believe my life right now lmao
Really fun and cool when you talk to a "mental health professional" about your sexual trauma and then they use that to give you a brand new kind of sexual trauma
The eclipse is approaching quickly and I can literally *feel* my life changing and layers of my identity being fucking obliterated
I got the endometriosis surgery on Tuesday and they found the endo and also a lot of adhesions - basically my whole reproductive system is stuck together. I felt better the day after surgery but then the next day, I got my period and I’ve been fighting for my life ever since 😭
10 days alcohol free!! Literally have not done this since I was 17
It's really sad and disappointing how much "quitting alcohol" content is intertwined with diet culture. For a lot of real reasons but also because it keeps telling me "not to replace alcohol with sugary drinks" and only drink plain water instead. Beloved, i'm already not drinking. You will pry my tart cherry juice from my cold dead hands.
I'm taking a break from alcohol for a while. I realized recently that i've drank pretty much everyday for the last 10 years and I just can't go on like that.
So anyway it's been 5 days and i'm having a VERY annoying day and all i want is a fucking drink but instead of that I made myself THE most tart mocktail ever (it's so good) and i'm about to take my second walk of the day.
My advisor was so kind and supportive of me and my friends are all really coming through to body double with me to get this writing done. I feel so lucky and loved 😭
well i only slept 1.5 hours last night, still working. but Eva's gonna make steak and potatoes for an early dinner and then we're gonna take zzzquil and go to bed at 8pm. i don't think i've ever been this excited to go to bed early in my life
I was spinning out so hard this week that I almost bought some moldavite. i was like "everythings fucked anyway! might as well just go for it!" i'm glad i didn't do that. For obvious reasons but also because i already told the universe i would work with moldavite if the universe brought it to me so like, it'll be there when it's time
I have to finally finish this fucking chapter before my meeting with my second advisor tomorrow which means that I probably won't be able to sleep until after the meeting. I'm too old for this shit but after the last week of April, I will never have to do this shit again.
So I’m behind on writing my dissertation but I decided a while ago that this absolutely had to be my last semester of grad school. I was burned out when I started and that was 6 years ago. I just cannot fucking do this anymore. I’m not going into academia and I’m so fucking done with all of this bullshit. I do not care about this shit anymore, but the idea of leaving with nothing after everything this program has taken from me is unfathomable. So I’m going to do nothing but write for the next 3 months, produce something acceptable but not in anyway groundbreaking or important so I can get my fucking degree and DIP.
I’m up to about 4 cups of herbal tea a day and I love it. It feels like a little treat every time! Also I need to constantly be drinking something and I realized that a lot of the time, I was drinking (alcohol) just to drink. So now I’m doing tea instead when I’m at home
My New Year’s resolution is to figure out my Kibbe body type