ew

Steve gets invited on the Munson's annual fishing trip but can't quite get the hang of baiting the hook so Eddie steps in and says, "Allow me, I'm a master baiter."

And Steve's just there like, "Excuse me, you're a what now?!"

Wayne's sat like 6 feet away from them on the river bank and with his head in his hands, just sighs, "I'm glad I asked Steve to come, but for fuck's sake Eddie, I should have left you at home."

i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday

almaost twre…

Good poll for the fanfic website. Cant wait to see the result

had a dream that I met a wizard and we fell in love and became unhealthily attached to each other so we decided to meld into one single creature together but the process was horrifically slow and painful and most of the dream was us lying in bed holding hands while lesions opened up in our skin and seeped out blue and green fluid and the wizard said "this is going to take a very very long time" and I said "that's ok"

the critics are raving

I cant believe this tweet is how I find out

now all the things you guys have told me about american high schools are starting to make sense

holy shit.

Hell. This country is hell.

I feel like a lot of people don’t quite get what a butler is. The role tends to get rounded off to ‘male servant’ pretty regularly in some media, whereas actually butlers are typically not just servants but chief servants. The butler was generally in charge of either all male servants or just all servants, period, in the household of an aristocrat or other very wealthy person. This meant that butlers have often been fairly powerful and influential people, and sometimes even had a manservant or two of their own.

(Also, fun fact: Mary Roberts Rinehart, the early 20th century mystery writer who is widely credited with popularizing the whole ‘the butler did it’ trope was nearly murdered by one of her own servants, a chef whom she had passed over for promotion to butler. He came at her with a pistol, but it jammed, allowing her chauffeur time to wrestle it away and restrain him.)

You didn’t answer the key question things brings up: did she popularize the trope before or after the would-be butler tried to kill her?

according to wikipedia, before

There’s something glorious about the fact that the author who popularised “the butler did it” had a servant who a) failed to become the butler and then b) failed to do it.

If he’d been butler material, he’d have finished the job.

Imagine if Destiel became canon, but the writers waited till the very end of the series to do it. Like, literally in the absolute last episode, right before the big climax, Dean and Cas are leaning against the Impala, drinking beer. Then without looking up, Dean just says, “So, after this is over, you wanna go out?” and Cas barely twitches before responding, “Yeah, it’s about time,” and that’s the only mention of it ever.

ID FUCKING SCREAMMMMM!!!!!

watch this will be how it happens. 

unscripted.

Well.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is wild. Someone will be like “hey just so you know the thing you did was a little bit loud/uncomfortable/insensitive but it’s ok I know you didn’t mean it” and my brain will instantly translate “you should be shot”

The fun other side of this too is when you are afraid of making other people feel that way so you just let shit go 90% of the time even when it’s reasonable and valid to make a comment/critique/etc

"Why don't people recognize Link in TOTK" bc everyone imagines the legendary swordsman to be built like Ganondorf and Link doesn't bother correcting anyone bc being hailed as a hero is like on the bottom of his priorities, which are topped by things like "Bake one of every pie"

Rando farmer: They say that once the noble hero of legend passed by this very village! Isn't that wonderful to imagine, genderfluid stranger?

Link, 5'6" with 2" heels and wearing a backless dress suspiciously stained with blood: no yeah that's wild

"Wouldn't they recognize him bc he's with Zelda" Everyone interacting with Zelda was like "Wow, the princess!! The princess who saved Hyrule is here, talking to us! Plus some guy with three sets of pronouns who's building a bomb but more importantly The Princess!! Wow!!"

Zelda keeps coming across spare genders she doesn't need and Link follows behind scooping them all up off the ground like a starving trash possum

Someone uses an unfamiliar pronoun around Zelda, and she hears the item pickup sound come from Link

Every time this comes across my dash it’s gotten better.

THIS

well a warped idea of the early titles.

breath of the wild and especially tears of the kingdom are just like that x3

Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1

The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.

So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.

So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.

Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.

And the probe is working again.

From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.

an article on the subject for the curious:

I asked one of my (male) friends to stop using the phrase “man up” and he has been using “fortify” for the past two weeks instead and it’s just a little thing but honestly it makes a difference

and tbh it’s also pretty funny when I start to deflate in the library and he leans over and goes “FORTIFY”

Nina Dul

Scars on your forearm show that once when you were twenty you got an infected cut while driving with your girlfriend through the Yukon Territory and your arm swelled up like an inflated balloon and you didn't know where to even begin trying to find a hospital or clinic so you stopped at a random house that had a red cross outside of it and the lady who lived there turned out to be a nurse and drove you to the doctor's office where the doctor was like "we gotta drain this but I don't have any anesthesia" so he told you to ball your shirt up and bite down on it while he cut you open and he drained an astonishing amount of fluid from your arm then stitched it up with a single stitch and charged you five canadian dollars for the entire affair.

my favorite part in attack of the clones is when obi-wan just fucks off to play space nancy drew on Clone Rain Planet with the alarming giraffe-necked aliens and swans in like “HELLO IT’S ME, the jedi who definitely… … was here before and probably, uh, spoke to you, and stuff” and theyre like “ah you are here for the order” and hes like “beg pardon” and theyre like “the order of millions of identical human men?” and hes like “RIGHT YES. ABSOLUTELY I AM HERE FOR THE ORDER OF MILLIONS OF IDENTICAL HUMAN MEN”

and then later when he SNEAKS INTO A CORNER TO FUCKING… facetime yoda… like “ok so we have these millions of identical human men who were apparently suspiciously ordered for us by someone???” and yodas fucking response is just “when countless sapient lemons life gives you…….. send those lemons into intergalactic battle you must”

 and obi-wan’s like “shit man you’re so right" 

There literally isn’t a frame of this scene where Obi-Wan doesn’t look confused as hell

How did they not fucking realize “oh shit this might be a trap by the mysterious order of terrorists and sith lords that have tricked us time and time again”

Mostly overconfidence probably. at this point the Sith have been ‘extinct’ for thousands of years, even grand master Yoda hasn’t ever seen one in person and the Jedi have been in power for a long-ass time. They probably assume it has been this way and will still be this way for a long-ass time afterward so while they recognise that the Sith are dangerous, they don’t consider them that much of a threat

I think I’m going to think about this youtube comment forever

I think I’m going

to think about this youtube

comment forever

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

My cousin born in 2000 is a licensed psychologist.

that’s how fucked up our world is now

Personally, I blame that twenty four year old psychologist.

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

annabeth taking the knife for percy was peak impulsiveness at that stage of their relationship. because up until this point of the series. if i'm remembering correctly. all of annabeth actions were calculated. even her stubborn actions had merit. but taking the knife? knowing he was invulnerable? but taking the knife? knowing that him watching you cry out in agony hurt him just the same if he had been stabbed? but taking the knife? and then lying on a cot in the glisten of the setting sun? vulnerable and slow? grounding him like he's the one who needed saving? like watching you bleed out is enough to kill him? and touching the small of his back brings him back to life? impulsiveness turned romantic. turned angst. turned 'all the words i didn't say but you heard them anyway'. don't talk to me.