everybody reblog this with an everyday thing that would fucking kill a founding father. don’t question it just do it
Some Holier-Than-Thou Fuck: "Dont shoplift, it inconveniences minimum wage workers and could get them fired :(((("
Me, a grocery store employee that literally watched a guy stuff 10 steaks into a stolen reusable bag at the checkout counter and watched him leave without paying, and without anybody being fired or getting into trouble at all: "You sure?"
No place I've worked at has EVER given a shit. Sure they saber rattle, but none care THAT much. Case and point I was working at a huge grocery store chain in high school and, on Wednesdays like clockwork, the access vans from the old folks homes would pull up. And I tell you right now, those old timers were fuckin PROS.
My personal favorite was this old dude who was shoplifting a melon. He noticed me as he put his contraband cantaloupe in his bag. And he smiles sheepishly and puts his fingers to his lips as if to say "shh, you didn't see anything". I give him this huge wink and a thumbs up, and his face blooms into a huge grin. Next day, the dude comes up to the sushi counter and real sly slips me a Tupperware of cantaloupe, and goes, "you and me are thick as thieves" and disappears. I never saw pappy again, but you bet your ass I had that melon for lunch and I was grateful for it!!!
I was an ACCOMPLICE and I didn't get in trouble. No one even noticed, including the loss prevention guard who spent his shifts slavishly hitting on me and every other "girl" in prepared foods and produce (I put girl in quotes bcus I am not one). Stores will warn of huge punishments to convince you to snitch on people shoplifting but the fact of the matter is that most stores have exactly 0 way of tracking how much shit gets lost or damaged without you acting as their eyes and ears.
Don't be a class traitor! And remember!
IF NOBODY TALKS, EVERYONE WALKS
I hope gramps is still shoplifting melons to this day
THESE GLASSES HAVE SPECIAL LENSES WHICH TURN LIGHTS INTO HEARTS
edit: for everyone asking they’re called love lenses & they were $20 on lovelenses.com
Bitches really paying $20 for an astigmatism… its me, im bitches
Good news! They’re only $9 at the moment
THEY ACTUALLT WORK this changes everything
THESE MAKE LATE NIGHT WALKS AMAZING
The hearts are way clearer than you’d expect and they don’t mess with your vision too much to walk in them
this is how harry styles sees the world
these seem like a truly necessary purchase
question, how do i wear these if i have glasses…?
They’re pretty big so you can probably fit them over your glasses and they also work as a sick ass filter over your camera lens!
I just bought these impulsively
twitter somehow still on tumblr season 1
full offence but some of you think disabled people don't interact with the rest of society and it really shows.
you make disgusting jokes abt blind and deaf ppl and then say "oh this is bad but its ok bc they cant see/hear this"
you say self diagnosing is bad because "only a doctor can tell" but somehow you're qualified to tell strangers on the internet that they're not disabled because you cant concieve of disabled people existing the way you do.
you always talk about disabilities like no one in your audience is disabled. like we are some mystical other. its always "you probably have an autistic child/sibling/cousin" but never "some of you are probably autistic."
you use mobility aids as props and gags so frequently that those of us who need them are scared to use them in public because no one will take us seriously.
disabled people exist. we are in your audience. when you talk about us, we know. we know what you're fucking saying.
(ok to rb. disabled ppl can add on, ableds dont say shit just take it in ok 💖)
"I loved her to the point of invention" is extremely fucking raw and I adore it.
The Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody and Blood of Christ
did you know theres a whole database just for carnival photots??
Are you fucking kidding to me?
This is...THE funniest thing ive seen all month i have not laughed this hard in so long
A man holding his baby up to paintings and talking to him at an art gallery
Listen. There are only a few things that regular people buy zipties for and they’re A) to secure displays or products in a retail environment, B) to fasten shelving or other heavy things at risk of falling over to eye screws in the wall, C) to lash cables or tubing together so that their rooms are not a gigantic trip hazard spaghetti mess, or D) to use as temporary fasteners for projects like putting light strings on tree branches
Those zipties are not the same things as flexicuffs, which are fundamentally different heavy duty ziptie handcuffs used by military and law enforcement agencies as restraints.
Regular zipties:
Ziptie handcuffs, aka flexicuffs:
Guess which kind the rioters brought to Capitol Hill
while the additional clarification is very good and important, im worried it distracts too much from mocking ben shapiro