Wait is this the same cat from that “my cat always looks like she just found out her husband died at sea” tweet??

IT IS

Tortoise shells have nerve endings and are sensitive to the slightest touch. This tortoise at Badger Run Wildlife Rehab loves to feel her shell scratched, so a kind volunteer made her a scratching device. 

 Credit: Badger Run Wild Rehab / Caters News

So funny story actually. One of my friends was hooking up with this girl, they were friends with benefits. She needed a date for some work party so he agreed to go with her. Turns out her dad owns like 3 dental practices and she worked as the business manager for one of them.

Anyway my friend had some not so nice teeth and during dinner the father of his fwb was like “you work where you work, you sleep with him and his teeth look like that? Get him an appointment.”and then bounced. So his fwb made him an appointment at the practice she managed and my friend ended up needing like 3k worth of dental work and his friend with benefits just gave it to him for free.

So that is the story of how my friend not only got sex, but dental out of the friends with benefits deal.

Wait until the end for mega meow

when youre pregnant you can only eat tiny miniature versions of foods otherwise the the baby wont be able to fit it in its little mouth im a scientist

big bamboozle

stop everything, this is bitty doing research for his thesis

there's more lmao, unhinged bitty energy

I lost it at- should be pale- and he fucking compared it to his own pasty arm. Legend

source : Pinterest

When you finally find the energy to do stuff

Reblog and the universe will grant you the spoons you need to do that thing you’ve been meaning to do

Heavy duty too?! Niiiiice

Personal space? Nope - never heard of it.

Is that…… them

What magic is this

SUGAH, WATAH…FIYAHHH!!!

.❤️

The wildest part of this story to me is that he probably would have had better luck finding somebody who spoke Polish in O’Hare. 

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

this is a man who has experienced The Public

“Look at me”