Airplane stories

Once when flying from Minneapolis to Duluth (the final leg of a trip from Richmond), I sat next to a thin polo-shirted guy with a bald head. I was 20. He was in his 50s. He asked me if I liked jazz and I wasn’t really sure, so I just said YEAH, and then he asked me who, and I said...Pat Methany? Hoping that was a jazz person. It was, I guess. Then he gave me his email address and I gave him mine, though I didn’t want to. He sent me an email almost immediately and asked me to breakfast. I didn’t reply. Then the next day, he told me that he’d never been stood up before and how dare I.

Once I sat next a very drunk woman named Sawyer who had a lot of blonde hair and a severe blue suit. She was really, really, really drunk. She was buying the drinks on her company credit card and she bought me drinks, too. I got so drunk that I felt like I was on a ferris wheel. The flight attendant leaned down to me and whispered, “When you get off this plane, you are going to fall on your face.”

One time I wore high heels to walk about a mile to my gate. My heels were gouged. A woman ran up to me and handed me a bandaid.

One time I sat for two hours at the only bar (at the time) in the airport and drank 7&7s while eavesdropping on a man in an Army uniform and a woman in scrubs as they quietly flirted.

Once I got bumped up to first class. They brought me warm towels. I was too young to drink. A guy tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I was Heather Graham. He was super drunk.

Once my boyfriend at the time flew with me and he made a big show of reading the book I’d bought for him. He was not a reader, but he really wanted to show me how much he liked my present by reading it. It became his favorite book. He was a big guy - 6′6, Nordic - and he took up most of the seat next to me, which was fine. I felt safe.

One time I fainted on an airplane because I was drunk and underslept and hadn’t eaten. I fainted into the lap of a nice family man whose 4 kids were scattered around the plane. When I was coming to, I heard the flight attendant asking for a doctor over a loudspeaker. I quickly snapped to life and said NO DOCTOR NEEDED, but I was then made to sit in the front of the plane with an oxygen mask while the flight attendant calmly talked to me. They called down to Chris from the air to have him meet me at the gate. They told him I had a “diabetic spell.” I don’t have diabetes, but OK. I got off the plane and Chris took my arm. The family man and his kids walked by and waved. I felt insane. That was the last flight I ever took. It was 2005.

I walked into the office, after sitting in bed for two hours, nursing the heart attack.  I could see the moon clear through the window.  Half of it was missing.  I thought the lunar eclipse was yesterday, so I was happy to stumble upon it like this.  

I can't find my real camera, so this is from my webcam.