Adolf Böhm - Ver Sacrum - 1901

i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

HOW THE FUCK 

That has got to be one of the most clever uses of transparency I’ve seen on this site yet.

we interrupt your regularly scheduled lack of meaningful content, to bring you

by Sarah Andersen

Seeing a Broadway show: This is the greatest day of my life! 

When the show ends: I’ll never be happy again

you mean

Seeing a Broadway show: I did not live until today

When the show ends: How can I live when we are parted?

My boss called me “Tyrone” on accident (My name is Tyrand). She apologized and bought me lunch to make up for it. I didn’t think twice about it, since I’m used to getting called every variant of “Ty-(fill in blank here)”. Then later on I read a quote she keeps in her work area that made me feel kinda special.

“During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘Hello’.”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.“

This is a very important lesson to learn

it’s weird that people are completely willing to use “they/their/them” as  singular pronouns when talking about people in theory (“that friend who laughs at all of their own jokes”) but when these pronouns are attributed to actual real people who prefer that pronoun (it’s the only word commonly used as a gender neutral pronoun!!!) they start yellin about being grammatically correct

Thank you for this

im like 2% cute and 98% single

Can you be 100% mine?

no

If you put blue and red together it makes purple.

Purple is not referred to as half red half blue though because it is on its own a color.

The same applies to bisexuality.

and some shades are much more blue or much more red, but they’re still called purple

YES. PERFECT FRICKING ANALOGY.

start holding your boyfriends to best friend standards pls

“my boyfriend was annoyed that I didn’t shave for days” vs “my best friend was annoyed that I didn’t shave for days”

“my boyfriend doesn’t like my haircut so I’m growing it out again” vs “my best friend doesn’t like my haircut so I’m growing it out again”

“my boyfriend hates when I wear makeup so I guess I have to stop” vs “my best friend hates when I wear makeup so I guess I have to stop”

if your boyfriend would leave you for something that your best friend wouldn’t care about, KILL THEM AND EAT THEM

Lmfao

true tho because people forget having a partner is literally just having another best friend with a slightly different intimacy thrown in, not all the rules should change and you should feel 100% as comfortable with your partner as you do with a friend. it took me a long time to realize that. 

You All Better Thank Me

The life of a pet owner: “What are you eating? OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU EATING???”

“Come back here with whatever you’re eating!”

“Don’t think you can fool me by stopping chewing. I know you’re still eating it!”

“Open your mouth. OPEN. YOUR. MOUTH.”

The best part is that all of these can be seen as the owner’s perspective or the pet’s and it’s all still accurate.

Louise Glück, from Poems 1962-2012 (via violentwavesofemotion)

it took me 16 whole years to realise that the “st” in 1st, the “nd” in 2nd and the “rd”in 3rd is because itS THE LAST 2 LETTERS OF THE WORDS

WHAT. 

what the fuck did you think it was

I just learned something new.

does anyone else get insanely romantically frustrated, like i know sexual frustration is a thing but sometimes i get super intense cravings for soft kisses or make out sessions or cuddling naps or things like that and it’s way more frustrating to me than sexual cravings