GIVEAWAY: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

Fight your existential dread with orgasms. Enter to win one of 10 sex toy survival kits to get you through this dystopian nightmare, each worth $400+! 

Every kit is stocked with 4-5 outstanding items: legendary vibrators, hand-poured dildos, perfect butt plugs, thrusting toys, porn, my favorite lube, and more. These highly-curated kits contain only toys I know and love, and most are available to my international readers!

Giveaway ends 10/30. Enter to win on my blog — and don’t forget to pack your bug-out bag for extra entries! 

Dildo carnival: a HUGE sex toy giveaway!

Step right up: I’m throwing a DILDO CARNIVAL! 🎪 Forget lousy stuffed animal prizes; this huge giveaway is the biggest of the year, featuring over 60 sex toys plus all kinds of fun attractions.

I’m giving away the best sex toys on earth – everything from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses to gender products to porn and gift cards! Most prizes are available to international folks as well.

This year, in addition to the usual giveaway widget, I’ll be running an array of mini giveaways on social media! These attractions will be unveiled as the giveaway goes on, so keep your eyes peeled!

Enter now!

ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.

Modern prose.

A question

Are you evil when you break the law or when you are socially reprehensible?

Socially reprehensible. The law has little relevance to ethics or personal morality, and rather seeks to serve the status quo and undermine the underdog.

There is a reason lawful and evil are on separate axes of the alignment chart.

why’d we have to color so much in school.  it didnt teach us anything.  is “staying in the lines” a subconscious metaphor for not revolting against the bourgeoisie

#drunk enjolras complaining to combeferre

“Actually coloring within the lines helps us develope our fine motor skills, facilitating the learning of writing which is a key skill f-”

“yOU’re On thEIR SiDE??!???!!”

casual intimacy kills me every time. grand gestures are cute and all but seeing two people who are just totally comfortable with having each other in their space, who dont think twice about leaning into each other and thoughtlessly holding each other while doing unrelated things….. thats love

The gender-neutral form of “ungentlemanly”/”unladylike” is “unseemly”.

There you go - now you can express your primly understated distaste for someone’s conduct without making any assumptions about their gender.

Uncouth would also work

untoward

boorish

slovenly

[gets down on on knee] oppa…marriage style?

it’s 2016 not 2012

oppa rude style :(

full offense but like…. ladies and gentlemen…. this is mambo number 5

Hi the way people raise boy and girl children differently is DISGUSTING, I just learned that my mtf friend has never been bought a stuffed animal ONCE in her entire life???? this princess has NEVER had a teddy bear in her bed???

Long story short it is 9pm and I am furiously driving to fucking Target bc the first store didnt have any that were good enough I am

SO MAD RN

she’s letting me take her to build a bear and I am so excited

what a damn excellent post

RAGE ONLY MAKES LOVE HARDER TO STOP

if you’re offline or away and i message you something (like a link to a meme or a picture or w/e) honestly just assume that i’m just leaving it there for when you get back and not expecting you to answer straight away. i don’t need you to respond with “hey, sorry, i wasn’t at the computer!” or anything. i was leaving u a gift for later.

I love this so much.

This is so cute

this is the kind of top-quality pun that passes my stringent re-blogging standards

Obviously

being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.

honestly I know enough has been said about those posts that end with the entire bus applauding someone, but like it’s just SO unbelievable?? in my experience if anything of note at all happens on public transport we all just kind of quietly look around at each other with this expression

I was riding a bus and it hit a car and none of us even said a word to one another. One guy sighed and started reading his book again. People on public transport desperately want to forget that they’re there and will do anything to ignore everyone around them.