• People with BPD can be very sensitive to feelings of perceived or actual rejection. They can become very worried if they feel like you’re ignoring them, and might catastrophize (think the worst) based on those feelings. If you feel like you need a break, it is better to let them know why rather than just cutting off contact. Even if the reason you need some space is because of something they said or did. Example: “I’m very angry with you right now. I don’t hate you,but I need to take some space to calm down. I will be ready to talk in [amount of time, or I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to talk”
• If you are unable to talk to them for the day/week, let them know. Tell them it has nothing to do with them, that you will be busy and unable to talk. By this I mean if you had a trip or an event or something that would keep you from otherwise talking to them, let them know ahead of time. Otherwise they might think you are ignoring them.
• Because people with BPD are sensitive to feelings of rejection, if you have to cancel plans, take time to let them know why you had to do it. Anticipate that they might be upset. That’s fine, but they may seek reassurance that the reason you’re cancelling isn’t because of them. (If it is because of them, it’s okay to let them know! Be honest. People with BPD can sometimes have a hard time taking other people’s perspectives, so they may not know when they’re doing something that crosses a boundary for you unless you explicitly lay it out.)
• Be thoughtful in your responses. Try to address what the other person is talking about. Be aware that a person with BPD might be on-guard and might read more into your responses than you intend to put into them. If they have questions about something you say or become upset by something you didn’t mean, it can be worthwhile to take the time to explain your intentions to them. Be aware that this kind of cognition can be related to their disorder. (This doesn’t excuse behavior, but might make you feel more empathetic when responding)
• If you can, make days to spend time with them. It will mean so much to them to have specific time to hang out with you.
• If you are comfortable with it, tell them how much they mean to you. Send them good morning texts and good night texts and I love yous and I’m thinking about yous. It will make their day.
• If you want to, make a tag for them on your blog! Then they can go and look at it when they are upset. It also lets them know they are important to you. Tag or @ them in things, too!
• If you post a lot of personal stuff on your blog, or complain or such, one way to avoid the person with BPD from feeling like it’s about them is to make a tag for them so they know it’s not about them. Because I promise you they check your blog everyday and if they see you complaining about someone they will assume it’s them. A simple ‘#not about jake” will save them so much emotional hurt. Otherwise they might ask for clarification or reassurance from you. You could also just let them know ahead of time if you need to vent, so they know it’s not about them. If you are venting about them, it’s better to talk it out one on one.
• If you see something and think of them, let them know. Send them a link, a picture, a quote. It will brighten their day and let them know they aren’t the only one that holds love in the relationship.
• Don’t expect them not to have mood swings or get jealous. Don’t expect them not to split on you. They can’t help it. It will happen. Be sure they know their moods and emotions are valid and okay. If they are overreacting or what they are doing might not make sense try to calmly and kindly let them know. It’s hard for us to be rational sometimes and know when we are being bad or hurting others. We are trying. We are scared of overreacting and being a burden and don’t need someone getting upset over something we already feel bad about. Communication is key here. Talk it out, ask what you can do to help.
• One of the main characteristics of BPD are rapid and intense mood swings. A person with BPD may experience really intense highs and lows in rapid succession, and you might not always feel like what they’re saying is based in reality. It’s important that you let your friend know that they are not bad or wrong for having these intense emotions, and that their feelings are valid.
• If you can, talk to them every day, even a short conversation can keep them sure that you care. A quick, “Hey, I won’t be able to talk today but wanted to let you know that I care and hope you have a good day.” will go so far.
• A person with BPD might get jealous of other important relationships in your life. Don’t be scared of talking about the things that are important to you too but expect they might need additional validation afterwards.
• They are going to overthink everything you say or do. Be careful. Don’t be rude. Elaborate if they ask you. Be patient and kind.
• This is a relationship just like any other. You are their friend just as much as their FP. Set boundaries. Let your friend know what you can/can’t and are/aren’t willing to do as part of this relationship.
• Also important: just because you are someone’s FP does not mean you have to put your feelings and wishes on the back burner. What you need is just as important. This is a relationship and communication is necessary. Don’t be afraid to take personal days or ask for reassurance or help of your own. We aren’t bad people and I know I want my FP to be just as happy and comfortable as he makes me. Just let them know if you need something, don’t be left feeling alone and upset. It’s a two way street, give and take.

So this is my fault? Why am I the only one who thinks that this is wrong? The only one reacting like a human being!