LISTEN TO HIM!

Wow

Oh here’s the tea.

Me, trying to stay alive long enough to see Black Panther...

Dear Future Love, I complete me. You complete you. We complete we.

You are whole without me. I am whole without you. When we come together we will transcend everything from our past to become untied in something new.

I look forward to growing with you. I look forward to becoming with you. I look forward to loving with you. I look forward to you.

Until then, keep manifesting greatness until it is time to manifest each other.

um. fat people are allowed to be outside btw. fat people are allowed to wear clothes that do not completely flatter them. fat people are allowed to have their belly showing or wear clothes too small for them. fat people are allowed to exist in whatever they want and we dont have to constantly make ourselves look appealing + attractive. skinny people can wear lazy clothes and be called gorgeous but god forbid a fat person not put 100% into their fucking appearance every single day of their life

please dont ignore this post.. thanks..

The Salem News, Ohio, January 13, 1908

if you go to afro punk and defeat every nigga with a septum ring you get 3 wishes granted by a nigga in a crop top. allegedly

His e-mail is coalmyn@gmail.com he checks it in public libraries btw

Let’s share this post cause we gotta take care of us as no one else will.

Guys I recently just got into contact with this gentleman and he now has a gofundme:

http://gofundme.com/helpcoalmyn

And this is his Instagram to check out his art work:

http://instagram.com/coalmyn

Black Tumblr reblog the fck out of this

Bruh

literally put my wine down to put up my fist 

When Storm caught Black Panther singing Frank Ocean’s “Nikes” 🤣

Nemesis Stories: Memphis Bleek

Nemesis- the person or persons that every time I see, I squint my eyes… Like Peter when he sees that chicken.

Summer, 2006. I was in New York covering the Urban World Film festival. Just so happened that was the same weekend that Jay Z’s 10-year anniversary show for Reasonable Doubt was at Radio City Music Hall. I’d never seen Sean before and I wanted to go. I had collected a few connects and I hoped that at least one of them could get me in. By this time in my film critickin’ I had figured out that everyone was just one connect away from being anywhere they wanted to be. I had exhausted all my angles even asking my friend Rob Stapleton (who portrayed Jay-Z in a Roc film) to call him up and get me in. Yeah so.. He was like nah. I threw a Hail Mary pass at a record exec homie of mine on the west coast. And as it turned out he had the plug. Well…not exactly. What he had was a homegirl who just so happened to be regularly screwing Memphis Bleek. She was one of those professional groupie types that owed him a few favors. He said that she would probably go with him and that I could just go with her. Crash Bleek’s entourage? Can I do that? Is that even a thing? He assured me it wasn’t a big deal. And I believed him because he was Jeezy’s friend. Why didn’t he just ask Jeezy? Clearly I didn’t have the juice for that kind of favor. But the night might’ve gone smoother for me… Then again I might’ve got ran by some BMFs at the after party. YOU BETTER TAKE THIS BLEEK AND LIKE IT!   My friend gave me the groupie’s number and told me to connect with her. She was kinda cold, you could tell she was only tolerating me because of whatever my friend had told her to do. I could see this girl was in wayyyy too deep. Her attitude didn’t phase me though. I just kept thinking, “You not sweet. I could see if it was a Diplomat.” (We all had our favorite back in those days.) And she wasn’t being mean to me, just dry… like a tired hoe might reasonably be. It wasn’t like I was willing to lay with Freeway. I was riding on all of HER hard work. And we both knew it. First off, there was no going in with Bleek. She told me to meet her on the corner across the street from Radio City. This was my first inkling that we might not get in. But my inner adventuress had to see how this was about to play out. What’s the worse that could happen, right? We either get in or we don’t.

Or… This wasn’t my first time at the “mixed chic that’s so pretty famous dudes want to bang her” rodeo. I had a couple of friends that had already made attempts at that life. And sometimes hanging out with those kind of men, be it professional ball players, entertainers or politicians, there are moments that look just like a music video… there are also moments that you wish you had just stayed home. Like the time an NBA player took us to dinner and proceeded to call my girl a few different type of B***CH before the Veuve and filets were even at the table just because he could and as he said, “she ain’t going nowhere”. Or the time we were styling in VIP and a guy very randomly just begin to shower my girl with champagne until she was down on the ground soaking wet. His reason? He was “sick of light skin hoes”. So I was long since disillusioned to the fallacy that pretty women get treated better and rich men are good men.  

So I left off with us walking across the street and finding the stage entrance at Radio City. Security knows this groupie chic but makes no qualms about their dislike of her. Eyes rolling as the first door opens, an exasperated sigh as we get past the second checkpoint. Why do everybody hate you Ma? A certain back steps led up several stairs to a VIP green room where all the cool famous people were… And food… And liquor. She had done right by me and I should’ve just thanked her and found my way out to the seats. But I technically didn’t have one and nobody knew me so I followed her. We headed for those stairs and ran into Bleek and another dude coming down. The look on his face when he saw us. I had seen that look before. My friend that dated the NBA player had dated a few pro ballers. They all made that face. It’s a combination of “I’ve had you and I’m bored with it.” And “You ain’t coming in.” Oh snap! Of all the days for him to be done with her it had to be the day she was with me? “Why are you here?” Or maybe he said, “Why is you here?” I can’t remember exactly. I’m omitting some of the details that are fuzzy in my mind. I don’t want to get accused of lying. I just remember his aggitation. I had started backing down the steps at this point. The terror had set in. His face, the security’s face and The Jay Z song Do It Again were all running through my head.

“6:15 I be kicking her out!”

It’s not like these Rocafella dudes weren’t capable of humiliating women. (Flashback to video clip of Jay-Z slapping that girl in the hallway). And here it is! We was about to get thrown out of Radio City Music Hall just moments before the Reasonable Doubt Anniversary show. Alicia Keys was there. The Roots were there. Jeezy was there! (I didn’t know any of this at the time, btw, some friends at the festival who had legitimate press passes told me later) I didn’t know much about Hollywood but I knew getting thrown out of a celebrity gala was NOT the look I was going for. Little did we know that Solange would change the rules on gala behavior 9 years later. I started walking down the steps. But not before I heard “Who the f$&k is that?” The “who” was me! I started walking faster. She stayed and argued with him as I hightailed it out of the stairwell. She can get thrown out by herself. I don’t even know her like that. But not Heather Jay! Not today! When I told my LA friend what happened he wasn’t surprised. He labeled her as an opportunist and basically said that once dudes figure out how she’s cut, they cut her. Woulda been nice to know BEFORE the concert. Still would have gone with her but definitely would have asked a couple of questions crossing the street. Don’t worry Family, she didn’t get booted from joint. The next day she posted pics with Jay and Bleek to her MySpace (again with the MySpace H? What can I say? ‘Twas the season.) And Jay Z didn’t exactly take a pic with her as much as he stood a few feet away from her when she was taking a picture. Somebody must have called his name because he glanced up just in time to look confused. I shook my head when I saw it. I wasn’t even sure that the photo was taken the same night. But she had managed to turn the night into a flossable moment. I, on the other hand was too embarrassed to even talk about it. So, I wasn’t even slightly jealous. The price of that picture was $AllOfHerDignity.99.

I attached a picture of the show I found on MTVs website. You can see how big the audience was. That’s where I hid out until I realized that I didn’t really like Reasonable Doubt that much when it came out. I heard Mary J wasn’t there to perform Can’t Knock the Hustle so I left after Foxxy came out for Ain’t No N$&$@. I figured who could do a better job than Mary? Beyoncé. I should’ve known she’d be there. This was around the time they were still denying their very obvious relationship. Of course he would close out the show with his Boo. But I didn’t find that out to the next day either… I’m not really sure who my nemesis is in this story… I hated so many people by the end of the night (including myself for pursuing an event I wasn’t quite ready to pull off). But I feel like if ever see Bleek again I would definitely give him the squinted eyes. And what I found humiliating was probably old hat for him, definitely for her… Which is why I won’t worry about being sued for writing this.

Next up on Nemesis Stories: My significantly less attractive, less dope and unauthorized clone. They stole my stems and made an orangutan yaw.  

He’s a king so he doesn’t necessarily have to take feedback at all so that’s a good observation. What do you think prevents T’Challa from being a Magical Negro in Civil War? Part of the formula is there: he’s an otherworldly character who could be fixing these white folks’ problems [Boseman laughs].

I’m not gonna stop you!

Okay, I have a weird ask and you can turn it down if you want. I have two favorite lines of dialogue from the comics…

I have a follow-up, then! Do you have a favorite moment from any of the material that you’ve read so far?

So I have to stop you because one of the lines I was going to have you read was from that same exact scene. [turns laptop to show screen]

Damn, you read the Kirby? I’m a lifelong Black Panther fan but that is some hard reading in 2016.

This man was born for this role.

Nemesis Stories: Larenz Tate

Everybody can get these hands. These words. This side eye. Even famous people.

Detroit City, 2005. Charles H Wright Museum of African-American History. Private room upstairs. Press junket. Place was lit. Guest of honors were the Tate brothers, Larenz, Lahmard, and Laron (I think. It was something with an L). In the main ballroom below there was a sold out screening of their first joint project as brothers. An abomination of a film called THE HOT SPOT. We, the press were privileged enough to meet and greet the brothers upstairs, followed by a round table discussion of the film. I was the youngest and finest sister in the room and was asked to sit directly across from Larenz.

At the time, I was known as the Urban Film Critic. My endgame was to be the first black woman version of Roger Ebert. I had a website and a lanyard with a sexy pic of myself on it. I had gained a little momentum thanks to a lot of love shown by a Paramount publicist named Dawn. She invited me out to cool events like this one, she passed my name on to other publicists so in a few short months I had made a lot of headway in the Detroit press community meeting several celebrities, and attending events. I might have thought I was hot stuff… but unfortunately this was my first lesson in how popularity and revenue are not the same thing. So the brokeness kept me humble.

Sitting across from Larenz I did get a little more attention than the other journalists. We talked about his movie, his inspirations but I was also able to broach other topics of convo…such as, my website. At the time I was trying to drive more traffic to the site. My reviews weren’t cutting it. So I ran a promotion called “Top 25 Black Films”. I encouraged people to vote their top picks and I would update the site daily to reflect the results. At the time of our meeting, all of the Tates’ films had made the list including Love Jones, Why Do Fools Fall In Love, Menace II Society and Don’t Be A Menace. I told him about the promotion and asked him for a quote or a drop that I could use to further market the site. He sat up with enthusiasm when I described the promotion. He asked for details regarding how I tallied the votes and how his films were ranking. I was happy to be getting this extra conversation time with a famous person so I blabbed on and on outlining my promotion. He asked that I give his personal publicist the website information. She stepped into the conversation and took my name, email and website information. I was super geeked and honored that he was taking an interest in my dinky little site. We all took some pictures and then adjourned downstairs to catch the end of the screening and the Q&A that would follow.

Do I even have to tell you how the Detroit sisters represented for this screening? 300 strong. All fine. Nobody got caught slipping. These women came to meet Mr Love Jones himself… but before they could meet him, they had to sit through his awful film. They considered it a small price to pay. But about halfway through the movie they changed their minds. Some had already started walking out. And the women that stayed only did so because they wanted to curse Larenz out. And that’s exactly what happened. The Tate brothers learned that Detroit women don’t care who you are when you waste their time.

THE HOT SPOT was a comedy about a sexual predator who had lied to several women and finally got caught cheating by all of them. It was like How To Be A Player only without the jokes, cinematography, casting, sound quality, and overall production value. It was like John Tucker Must Die without the Ashanti factor.

The Q&A was a disaster. I can still see Larenz’ face as he squirmed to answer such questions as:

“What in the HELL?”

“How could you make some mess like that?”

“We expected better from you!”

And my favorite from a woman I could tell had just left the salon and the mall to attend this event. You could read the disappointment on her face. And she was broke now.

“That was some bullshit!”

Everybody can get these hands. These words. This side eye. Even famous people. This is Detroit.

The Q&A that was scheduled for an hour lasted about 12 minutes before the Tate brothers escaped out of a side door with the voices of 300 fussing black women behind them.

And that was that. Until…. the next week when Larenz’ personal publicist begin to email me daily about assisting her in promoting the film in the Detroit market. That film? To my people? Ummmm… no? Larenz got enough credibility to handle a flop. I, on the other hand, just got to the party. She was trying to get me thrown out. I pacified her over the next few weeks, by posting pics of the event to my website and MySpace page.

And then one day a few months later.. I was channel surfing and I saw a familiar face. He said, “Welcome Back! I’m your host Larenz Tate and this is BET’s Top 25 Black Films!”

I don’t know what part of the countdown I came in on. And I admit I smiled for about 15 seconds before I realized what I was watching. There he was, seated on a couch counting down the top 25 black films. Just like I had told him. And it was another 2 hours before I accepted that he had actually stolen the idea from me. I wrestled with him being a nice guy and not needing to steal from little old me. But his publicist was relentless on my webpage. He took my ish to BET and cut me out of the deal. She emailed me for weeks about his crappy movie but not one email to say, “btw Heather we took your concept to BET!”

Nemesis worthy? I think so. And of course it could have all been a coinkey-dink but cmon nah….

That was a year before I started doing comedy. And when I told my veteran comedy friends the story they scoffed and told me their stories about bigger names stealing bigger projects. There were tears. It could’ve been worse. So I decided to let it go. I guess he showed me that my ideas were good enough for television. And I needed that boost of confidence.

And I still could remember him squirming in that room full of angry black women when I needed a good laugh. I retroactively loved every woman that screamed at him.

That was my welcome to showbiz.

Next up in the Nemesis Stories: Memphis Bleek. Radio City Music Hall. Jay Z is involved but he has no lines. A side chick plays a big part. It was all her fault.

Never met a nigga that went by “Chad”. ALWAYS Chadwick.

He was about to throw hands. Lol

Come for ya boy again

He looked him up and down like bitch what

Lmfao his face in the second gif, though 😂😂😂

He contemplated murder in that second gif