occasionally, i'm callous and strange

BEHOLD

I’M AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE. I’M AT THE TAROT HUT. I’M AT THE COMBINATION WAFFLE HOUSE AND TAROT HUT.

BABY HAS MANY LOUD OPINIONS. LISTEN TO BABY

LITTLE BABY MAKES BIG NOISE

HELO???? BABEY????????

I’M NOT OKAY - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE (2004) DIR. MARC WEBB i’m okay now! (i’m okay now!)

actually genuinely if you are going to talk about serious topics you need to say the words for the thing you're talking about

i've seen people talking about abuse and rape spend the whole post saying "@.bus3" and "rpe". People will spell suicide like su1c1de, or just say "unalive" and "aliven't". pedophile is now p*d*ph*le. I get that you have to do that on tiktok, but that's because tiktok takes things down.

If you're going to discuss serious topics on tumblr, please, just spell out what you're saying. Even aside from being terrible for screen readers, it's harder, slower, and incredibly distracting to read a mile-long post about mental health & depression that's desperately trying to avoid the word "suicide". Meanwhile, people who have "suicide" as a filtered word on tumblr will see the post, because when you talk about suicide but say su1c1de or sewerslide or unalived, anyone who has filtered "suicide" because it's a triggering topic to them will now see the post. It is IMPORTANT to use the actual word in your TW tags and in your post. Seriously.

My uncle is autistic so he has sensory sensitivities, and he's largely nonverbal so he can't tell you what those sensitivities Are, so what he does is, if you give him a shirt that is a bad texture, he goes and gets his scissors and he cuts it into tiny little pieces so no one can ever ask him to wear it ever again, and the thing is is that he is so totally right

This post is okay to rb and also if you are neurodivergent when you are In A Situation you are advised to think "is this when uncle matt would go and get the scissors" and if the answer is yes then it is time to put your foot down

everyone say thank you Uncle Matt for showing us the way

i jjust. peeled an orange while sitting on my bed and noww. i don’t remember where i put the orange peel. 

in this trying time i;d like to set up a kickstarter to find my oran

what kind of rat fuck jams pieces of orange peel under a pillow, you ask

my conscious brain: mmmnnnmm delicious orange

the neanderthal living in my subconscious: hide the rest from bears 

As an apology for that last one…

Listen I'm aware you all want a piece of this. I understand I'm a hot commodity here on tumblr dot com. But even setting aside wealth and immortality, my husband squeezes the absolute fattest ass you've ever seen through literally billions of chimney flues every December 25th. And every other night of the year, he's with me. And somehow you hoes think you can teach me a trick I haven't seen before? Dream on.

I have made. A miscalculation

mobsters are either called shit like Slaughterhouse Frank or Timmy The Big Silly Wily

slaughterhouse frank is called that because his bbq ribs will blow your dick clean off and timmy the big silly willy is called that cause his dick managed to resist being blown off by th aforementioned ribs

And they’re married

and they’re married

the thing about william shatner being pissed about the concept of bi!kirk is so funny to me because like. bill this is your fault. you were the one who looked at leonard nimoy like you wanted to eat him. you did that

#peepals4lyfe

my sense of humor: getting birthday cards with the wildly incorrect age on it for people

I see this and raise you: getting cards for a wildly different occasion and customizing them to fit the holiday you need

throwback to the time my partner put in his 2 week notice with a birthday card for a 2 year old

King

Once I got a card that said “BEST GREAT GRANPA EVER!!”

I’m a teenager

oh yeah have i ever told yall of the academic war i have been an unwilling soilder in for the past two years

okay SO. i have two professors that both teach this one subject, but different classes. they have different last names, so i didnt know this at first and espically since they are academic RIVELS at my school, but they are MARRIED. but for the past 8 years they have been in an academic WAR of geospatical sciences data. more accurately, the raster vs vector data debate. i am personally on the side of "both have their pros and cons and can be utalizied to the utmost efficency" but both professors are like, DEADLOCKED in insistanting one is better then the other

so, professor A is my mentor. i like him a lot, and he was the main person that taught me the most abotu Eris and ArcGIS. professor B is a professor i had one for class, and shes nice and knows a lot of little tricks about Eris programming but mostly relies on arcMAP because shes the raster data professor.

and THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. have written no less then 30 papers that is basically like a "re: re: re: re: re: re: vector data is better then raster fuck you" but like, Professionally. and they leave stupid notes in the footnotes that read "Reguardless of Professor A's opinions reguarding the efficency of Vector data, Raster data has a more efficant polygon computing rate and is the most commonly used program on interplantaring mapping" and its HILARIOUS

ive read all of their papers, and its basically like reading an email chain between a married couple arguing over the colors of the kitchen backsplash for their new home. its HILARIOUS. but obviously, because of their differnet last names and because they act like they HATE each other, NOT VERY MANY PEOPLE REALIZES THEYRE MARRIED

until like LAST WEEK

professor B publishes a paper that casually drops the word "husband"

and obviously all the students are like "oh i didnt know u were married!" because we read that shit like how white suburban mothers read People Magazine

and shes like "yeah, its Professor A"

and we all FLIPPED. THE FUCK. OUT

we thought the framed picture of the two of them on professor A's desk was ironic because hes that type of guy

like, you gotta undestand. these two have gotten into YELLING matches in hallways. these two refuse to go onto trips with each other. but apparently they have a system where they quite LITERALLY leave all of their work at work and drive home in seperate cars and literally NEVER mention work at home. it is SO funny