hi, i’m moving my blog for some privacy reasons. I will change this URL very soon, but will keep my old one as an empty blog so that you guys can still find me. If you want to keep the URL of my old blog (which i will soon change, idk to look in my archive), send me a message.
So from now on all this is just archive.
Hey peeps!
Here’s a little update. I’m doing fine, quitting my antidepressants in a week! School is okay too, my grades are fine, my boyfriend is a sweet intelligent sweetheart and I am still healing from everything that has happened.
The reason I’m not here any more is that I kind of don’t really live at my home any more. I mean my stuff is still here, but most of my days i just pack a large bag filled with pyjamas and food and i sleep anywhere, everywhere :) It’s nice like that, now my parents don’t bug me that much any more.
I’m having some financial problems but otherwise everything is fine. I will upload some new artworks some day so I can show u all what I am up to these days :)
Hugs and kisses, your lost son/daughter/someotherchristianallegory
Hey i don't mean to be weird but i was just wondering if you're okay? You haven't been here in a while.. hope all's good, miss you blogging xxx
hey its sweet you worried! I am fine, i’ll explain all of what’s happened in a post. Take care you and don’t you worry about me!
hi guys. So. I’ll just kinda explain the life ive had the past few months through some bullet point
I owe you guys a huge apology for disappearing all the time, for not answering your messages, for not being there for you, for not checking on you, for being an asshole.
I know this won’t make up for anything, but I think it may help a bit if I explain you guys what happened to me.
I went through a really, really tough time the past six months, of which I am still recovering.
I will write about it and normally in an hour or so i will upload what I have to say about that. I’ll talk about everything there is to talk about. If you have any question or angry things to say to me don’t hesitate to send me a message, I’ll make sure i answer to it carefully.
I hope you guys are all fine, I hope you’re okay, because I have thought about you all a lot.
I’m sincerely sorry,
kisses from your little belgian fuck-up, Louise
ok ok im sorry i was gone again let me sum it up for you
mental breakdown crying a lot unbearable jealousy and unsatisfaction with self both mind and body new classes starting in french which isnt even my language in a completely new city with people who already hate me
so yeah hi im louise and im quite sad and not able to talk to anyone im sorry you great amazing people dont deserve someone who doesnt dare to answer messages im so sorry
I want out now…
A psychotic is a guy who’s just found out what’s going on.
William S Burroughs
So. Hi. It’s been quite a while. Let me sum up my marvellous incredibly awesome and happy life for you (can you smell the sarcasm yet? of course you can)
1. I got accepted at the Royal School of Arts in my town for studying Drawing, yay.
2. Remember that guy I always used to nag about? French-speaking guy, poet and singer, first love, feelings for him will never really vanish, blablabla,...? He never wants to hear from me again, he cut me out of his life and made that clear through the meanest words I have ever heard in my life. So yeah I lost the most important person in my life, who changed me completely, whom I looked up to immensely. I was knocked out for a few days after hearing that and I still can’t believe I permanently lost him.
3. My boyfriend left for a stupid camp thingy and I am emotionally unstable, so I can’t stand him not being around and I’m freaking out completely. Basically I feel like 14 year old me again, spending my hot summers in my room freaking out with an enormous feeling of rage and suffering inside.
4. I developed a very unhealthy obsession over someone I shouldn’t obsess about, and it’s tearing me apart because I can’t seem to find out if I want to tear her heart out or build her a shrine.
5. I’m back to having absolutely no friends at all, and I feel super lonely and unhealthy and I’m so scared because I keep falling in this black hole I once got out of.
That kind of explains everything I guess. I’m really sorry for everyone I let down lately, I’m really sorry I’ve been a little shit. In short I’m really sorry for every fucking little thing. I just want to be cured. Fuck and now I’m crying again. Sorry.
ok so ive got a doctors appointment tomorrow, my mom forced me to go see another therapist because the depression and panic attacks are getting out of hand. In a way i am happy to be at that point again where someone yells ‘stop’ at me in my place cause its getting too fucked. Its just stupid that it wont make any difference. This is like the depression i had as a kid, like the one i had when i was 13-14. Its really sad cause now theres so much more anxiety and i really feel weaker than i did back then. Oh well, i have no choice but to take this. I am listening to Shostakovich with dried up tears all over me, surrounded by the heaps and heaps of school work i still haven’t done. I am officially screwed but hey, at least i’m not having a panic attack right now. that’s good enough.
Today was really weird it started off pretty frustratingly with my bus messing up once again but then I bought the Blue Monday 12″ and Blue Day by Slowdive (which was a Record Store Day exclusive on blue vinyl) so that was great and then I went to the bar and when I got my drink and turned around again all of a sudden Louise was just standing there??? it was all a bit surreal but very cool like I’ve known her for almost 3 years now and now she just stood there in front of me ??
surreal it was. Still need to apologize for my weird behavior, i was really really stressed that entire week. I was really happy to see you though! I was so overwhelmed because you’re like the coolest person ever to live in belgium and it was all there inside that body of yours and it was so much and i was like ‘wow this is Shari wowowowo’
oh god im so sorry im ignoring everything and everyone its just so fucked up i got really depressed and im alone all of a sudden and ive been freaking out for 2 days straight i dont think i can do this again
things escalated so fast and i dont know why i feel so horrible and i cant sleep and ive been having so many nightmares i feel so awful
im listening to frank sinatra, im too polite to cry, i dont want to embarrass my sister
i think ill just cry in a pillow. i dont know why im typing this for the entire internet.
