my tumblr account

Weird flex but okay

This is the only time that meme is entirely literal

me disassociating when my boss at work chews me out

this is superior humor

yall ever have to google a question so dumb that u gotta go into incognito mode

At the end of the day

Self care 101 

Okay reblogging this again because this scene literally changed my life

This speech is why I wrote “something fun” on my grocery list for this week. Along with all my necessities I came home with an eighty-cent bottle of bubblestuff, and sat on the front step after putting everything away, just blowing bubbles. The wind picked up at just the right moment to make a big one split into two instead of bursting when it sailed into the powerline.

happy 4/20

The word “swims” is the same upside down

smiws??

upside down, not backwards. silly.

Ethan. If you turn a w upside down you get an m.

oh i see what you mean. You’re kind of visualizing it like a flip side of a coin or card, take the word “swims” and turn it upside down by actually turning it 180 degrees. 

THATS WHAT UPSIDE DOWN MEANS

bella do me a favor and literally write down the word on a piece of paper and turn it upside down

OKAY BUT I DONT SEE HOW THATS GONNA 

oh

Ironically enough, your sad, angry smiley face will also read the same when turned upside down…

parades at disney: here’s a 40 foot tall mechanical dragon that actually breaths fire

parades at universal: y’all remember Hop(2011)?

Ight but you can openly drink and there are kiosks full of alcohol at Universal So Take ya pick

have fun dehydrating at the amusement park, you stupid shit

Disney has more accidents recorded than any other amusment park franchise ever :/

Meanwhile Universal has had only about 21 major incidents

Wow. The company that has had parks open for over 60 years on four different countries has had more recorded accidents than the company with three parks that have been open since the 90s.

amusement part discourse 

id like to state for the record i didnt remember hop (2011) at all before this post

when i say i screamed ..

The game is called Death Trips, and it’s played completely straight until this exact moment.

everyone who reblogs this before 03-30-2020 gets a book recommendation based on their blog in their inbox

How do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humor

I was wondering where this was going and lemme tell you I fell out of my chair

I’d like to introduce everyone to my new theme song

fuckin MOOD

I love the contrast between the lyrics and the melody this is art

pfffffffft nooooo I didn’t just learn this song on ukulele… at midnight…

Lyrics: 

I’ve tried, tried, tried And I’ve tried even more  I’ve Cried, Cried, Cried And I can’t recall what for I’ve pressed, I’ve pushed, I’ve yelled, I’ve begged In hope of some success  But the inevitable fact is that It never will impress 

I’ve no more fucks to give,   My fucks have runneth dry,  I’ve tried to go fuck shopping  But there’s no fucks left to buy  I’ve no more fucks to give,  Though more fucks I’ve tried to get,  I’m over my fuck budget and I’m now in fucking debt 

I strive, strive, strive  To get everything done  I’ve played by all the rules But I’ve very rarely won, I’ve smiled, I’ve charmed, I’ve wooed I’ve laughed, Alas to no avail I’ve run round like a moron, To unequivocally fail!

I’ve no more fucks to give, My fuck fuse has just blown, I’ve been hunting for my fucks all day, But they’ve upped and fucked off home, I’ve no more fucks to give, My fuck rations are depleted, I’ve rallied my fuck army but It’s been fucking defeated! 

The effort has just not been worth The time or the expense I’ve exhausted all my energy  For minimal recompense The complete lack of acknowledgement  Has now begun to gall And I’ve come to realise that I  Don’t give a fuck at all!

I’ve no more fucks to give, My fucks have flown away, My fucks are now so fucked off They’ve refused to fucking stay! I’ve no more fucks to give, My fucks have gone insane They’ve come back round and passed me While they’re fucking off again!

I’ve no more fucks to give, My fucks have all dissolved, I’ve planned many projects But my fucks won’t be involved! I’ve no more fucks to give, My fucks have all been spent, They’ve fucked off from the building And I don’t know where they went! 

I’ve no more fucks to give,  I’ve no more fucks to give,  I’ve no more fucks,  I’ve no more fucks,  I’ve no more fucks to give!

Good news folks it’s on Spotify!!!

im going to be reblogging this every few hours to make sure every single one of my followers gets to see this epic post

give this man a fucking award

This song should play every time I enter the room

Millennial Anthem

my theme song, for sure. It should play while I’m at work.

this is the most amazing song i’ve ever heard oh my GOD

this is fucking amazing 😂