hello!

i don’t know how to begin this with, but first off i wanna say that i’ve never talked about personal things before on here but i feel like i’ve been keeping this to myself for a while and it’s time i rant a bit

i wish i could explain how much tumblr actually affects me. i’ve had this marina blog for over 5 years now, and although i’ve had some hiatus from time to time i still come back to it. i’m emotionally attached to this blog (and marina of course) and i’ve only just recently realized what it does to me.

making gifs and edits is pretty stressful i have to admit! i used to do it to express my creativity and during free time, but now i literally feel like i have a job. 

most edits and gifs i make are during night, and there are times over weekends where i would pull and all nighter just to perfect the gifset, or make a couple for my queue. there are times where i would come home early from school just so i could see marina’s music videos during premieres, and gif them in time

in other words, i hope this doesn’t sound cringey but yes, the notes on my posts affect me so much. it saddens me because i feel like my content isn’t good enough and every time i try to out do myself. i’m not saying that i expect to get thousands of notes on a post, but i would truly appreciate it if i could get to at least 200-300, which some of the posts i work hard on barely reach

(the following is not an attack or whatever to my dear mutual friends, or other tumblr blogs) almost on a daily basis i try to “compare” my blog with others’, see what they’ve posted and always get insecure about my own editing skills. there are times people make a similar gifset much better than mine, get more notes and immediately i overthink everything and feel like.. shit tbh. of course i love my dear mutuals! every single one of them is a sweetheart and i completely appreciate and understand their hard work, i just feel like compared to them, i’m shit 

another note, i feel like nobody even interacts with this account and it’s basically like a one-sided relationship lol. i feel like i give so much and get nothing in return :( as i said i’ve had this account for over 5 years and yet my follower count is still 5,000 and the number barely moves no matter how much i post or try to get exposure. it just makes me feel so sad like i feel underappreciated :(

also, i wish people could understand that tumblr fandoms are so underrated and well....dead. yes, marina used tumblr before but she never interacted with accounts like she does on insta and twitter (liking, retweeting, replying to comments), meanwhile my (and other creators’ posts) are being reposted and take credit for it, get double the exposure than my own original post and some even get noticed from marina herself. it just doesn’t seem fair to me.

maybe this rant is pathetic and i would understand why, but this blog has been a priority of mine for such a long time that i completely forgot about my mental health and became extra competitive. my high school graduation is in 2 weeks and i put focus on making edits daily for this blog, rather than my exams. some people are gonna say i went too far and i agree lol.

 so instead of posting daily, i’ll be taking a break, which might be permanent or maybe i will just post whenever i feel like it, and i edit it purely out of joy - and not because i feel like i “must” post

i’m sorry this is so long and if you’ve read this through, thank you, support your favorite tumblr creators, and i truly hope you have a great day!