Avatar

happiness begins

@adifferentkindofinfinite / adifferentkindofinfinite.tumblr.com

Jo. Canadian. Demiromantic Bisexual. (not so) Responsible adult. Books & History lover. Feminist & Social justice seeker. Shy, introverted, but still talks way too much.
Avatar

any time I play a game with a customizable character & I say I wish they could be fatter people without fail, every single time, are like “it’s fantasy 🙄”

ok what if in my wildest fantasies where i can fly or do spells or ride dragons or date trolls i’m still chubby? what if I don’t aspire to skinniness and my weight is already my idealized self what then

Avatar
Avatar
kleefkruid

My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."

and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"

I too am having a bad time at the conference

Reblog if you too are having a bad time at the conference

Avatar
Avatar
closet-keys

I need people to stop condemning something because it is "criminal" and start asking "is it harmful?"

I need people to stop condemning something because it is "deviant" and start asking "is it harmful?"

I need people to stop assigning notions of criminality and deviance to harm, and start asking "how do we prevent harm? how do we mitigate it? what do those harmed need to be safe and heal? how can we support these processes?"

Avatar
gallantblade

The corollary to this is that people need to stop claiming things are "harmful" when they're just *uncomfortable.*

Avatar
Avatar
xenosaurus

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

Also drink water and eat a plant

Avatar
liz-squids

This is all GREAT. I turned 40 last week, so permit me to add what I learned in my 30s:

  • keep on not working for startups
  • sometimes there comes a point where the thing (fandom, hobby, friendship, romantic relationship) you loved no longer brings you joy. And that's okay. Try to mourn the loss, take joy in the memories, and don't burn any bridges in case ten years go by and you find yourself back in that fandom/hobby/relationship again
  • it turns out that (ugh) moderate regular exercise is (spit) good for you. The sooner you make it part of your life, the easier it'll be
  • related: if you throw yourself into a new exercise regime too hard and too fast, without stopping to rest or consider whether a particular move is good for you ... well, shoulder injuries are painful and consults with orthopedic surgeons are expensive
  • knees are bastards too
  • don't even get me started on ankles
  • there may come a time when your digestive system is too fragile for ibuprofin. I'm sorry
  • one day you're gonna wake up and realise you no longer give any fucks about some things that used to bother you
  • on the other hand, you might be alarmed to realise what you still give a fuck about
  • never get down on the floor without an exit strategy for getting back up

I turn 50 this year. what I have learned in my 40s:

  • "loving yourself" is less of a feeling and more of an action. you can start doing it any time and it will make your life better and better as you go on
  • this will happen incrementally - be patient
  • along those lines, if you haven't started making an active effort to quit shit-talking yourself, suck it up and do it
  • no, shut up. do it. "but it's haaaaard!" don't care. do it.
  • whether you like it or not, you are mortal and you need to go to the doctor for an annual checkup
  • stretch regularly - your future self will thank you
  • at some point you will encounter people much younger than you arguing passionately and incorrectly about history you personally remember and experienced
  • this will be infuriating and annoying
  • otoh, most other things just... will not matter to you as much
  • at some point you will shift from wanting to go out to being like "eh" and deciding to stay in. this is okay.
  • you will have absolutely no idea what The Youth are talking about and you will not care
  • but if you keep your mind open to new ideas you'll never be irrelevant
  • your company still doesn't love you - don't give them more than they pay you for
  • get a fucking hobby, especially a hobby that involves physically creating/handling something and/or moving your body in physical space. it will do you more good than you can imagine
Avatar
atlinmerrick

Just turned 60 and let me say:

  • Find joy, every kind, it's always worth it
  • I'm talking that massive, never-ending Discord chat with your bestie? The one that makes you giggle through the day? It's not a "waste of time," it's what time was made for
  • If that's fanfic for your favorite characters who never even met on screen celebrate that!
  • If that's building a tiny fleet of snake villagers for your snake town and they just cover your mantel hell yes!
  • If that's collecting pillows and making a fort of them every weekend I'll be right over
  • Feeling and sharing joy is the whole point
Avatar
cricketcat9

This is too tempting…, so, I’m 74, and: don’t fund startups

Please keep stretching and exercise enough NOT to need an elaborate strategy to get up from the floor. IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE

Say bye to your employer as early as you possibly can, unless you really love your job. You won’t be sorry.

Keep doing the annual checkups 🙏🏼

Enjoy that fucking hobby you’ve acquired in your 50, or find something new. Do try new things & adventures.

Avatar

you gotta be able to say "die"

you gotta be able to say "suicide"

you gotta be able to talk about "sex"

they're uncomfortable topics, YEAH for SURE

because LIFE is uncomfortable. Death and suicide and sex and pain are straight up going to happen. not having words for the way it discomforts you doesn't make it more comfortable, it just makes you less able to reach out about it.

even more vital, you gotta be able to say words like "rape", "abuse", "queer" or "racist". cause we fought fucking hard to name those experiences. to identify "rape" as distinct from "sex" and "racism" as distinct from "acceptable behaviour" and "queer" as distinct from "invert"

like the function of communication is not to minimise immediate discomfort. we gotta be able to talk about stuff that's hard or sucks or causes difficult conversations.

Avatar

there is a huge difference between criticizing an institution and criticizing individual behavior. i can criticize the makeup industry without criticizing the 14 year old girl who uses concealer because she’s self-conscious about her acne; i can criticize the plastic surgery industry without vilifying the woman who decided to get a nose job after two decades of pointed comments and bullying. it is intellectually dishonest to respond to an institutional criticism as if it were a personal attack; on the flip side, it is cruel and unnecessary to leverage personal attacks in the name of institutional criticism

if i see one (1) more person respond to a perfectly reasonable beauty-industry-critical sentiment with “but i personally enjoy eyeshadow. why are you attacking people who like eyeshadow :(” or “exactly, all women who wear makeup are miserable and brainwashed” i am going to climb a tree and bite the top of it

Avatar
Avatar
rimonoroni

do you ever hear people talking about something and you’re like. fuck. let me be real for a second. i’m too much of a commie to have this conversation

“of course this is the bare minimum amount of labor someone must perform to be a human being worthy of being alive! what do you think, rimon?” brother if i told you what i think about this your head would fucking explode.

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.