I can't believe this is it

Shock

Haven’t been here for a while. Didn’t feel like I needed my previous safe space.

But I guess that has changed now. The “boyfriend” of 4 years just told me yesterday that he isn’t in love with me anymore. When I called to tell him I was on my way back from work, he sounded weird and I naturally asked; what’s wrong? Him; nothing we just need to chat later. I immediately got that gut-wrenching feeling that something was terribly wrong. Indeed so, got home, had dinner first and then finally got him to talk. “I. Am. Not. In. Love. With. You. Anymore.” I heard him say feeling like my entire body just got gobbled up by a hole in the earth.

I am not angry. I am not furious. I just did not see it coming. I blamed it all on his burn-out in my head. Everything I felt over the past 2 years being off; it’s just the burn-out, it will get better. But that hasn’t happpened and he is right about that.

I want to be angry so badly, but I just feel as if I am losing my buddy, like losing a limb. However this doesn’t come close to losing our cat last year. I sort of feel like I have accepted it, but somehow feel like I am in a constant state of shock. I can talk to my mom, girlfriends, even my manager at work about it in a rational way. But I can’t seem to even utter one word to him.

So here I am, in our bed, in our house, returning to my safe space. It will be okay. The sun will shine again.

Claraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh hello italy

I need to pee

but eurovision...

Eurovision is in need of more alcohol, and glitter, definitely more glitter!

Iedereen een fijne pasen!

Plank vol! #starwars

Ik heb een paar cadeautjes gehad :0 #Disneylandparis #starwars #liefstemannetjeooit

R2D2 :) #starwars #Disneylandparis

MICKEY MOUSE! #Disneylandparis

Lekker in het hotel in DISNEY! Al een super leuke dag achter de rug met mooi weer! En superverliefd op mijn lieve jarige jobje ♡ #disney #liefde

En dan nog de lekkerste cappuccino van Brabant!